


Skyrim; A Wolfish Tale

by Mrs_Mimi



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Dark, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Healing, Hunters & Hunting, Love Triangles, Multi, NSFW, Sexual Violence, Slow Burn, Smut, Stockholm Syndrome, Submission, Violence, Werewolf Mates, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-17 06:25:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 65,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Mimi/pseuds/Mrs_Mimi
Summary: Sivanna is a werewolf, but no one can know, they must only see a Nord. She is destined for a life alone, until she meets another of her kind and begins to wonder if she could live an almost normal life. Is it safe to love and be loved, or will she lose her humanity to the wolf inside her?





	1. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna remembers why she lives a solitary life.

**Awakening**

Sivanna opened her eyes, frost outlined the orange and yellow leaves she had curled up on. Cold air nipped at her skin, and she pulled her cloak closer to her body. The sun was rising, giving the forest a brilliant golden hue. A brook gargled and popped soothingly nearby, birds sang songs to each other in honor of the new morn, and a few deer grazed off in the distance, enjoying the last bit of grass before the freeze could take it all away. Everything was beautiful...all but Sivanna. Dried blood covered her face, and had dribbled all down her body. Her amber eyes were bloodshot, her lips cracked and dry. Next to her was a pile of flesh and fur, which she had caught during the night. Sivanna sniffed,  _venison_ , she thought to herself. She had hunted down this deer and eaten almost all of it.

She lifted herself up, long chestnut hair spilling over her shoulders. A few leaves fell from her head, and she proceeded to remove small twigs and other debris from her hair. As cold as it was, she could not be seen covered in blood and barren of clothes save her cloak, it would raise questions. After all, werewolves were frowned upon for lack of control. With a shudder, she walked to the brook and began washing off the night's adventures.

The beast within was placid, satisfied with itself for escaping its bonds. Sivanna was not ashamed of her wolf, it was not a choice she was given, she had been on a hunting trip in the woods and attacked by a savage werewolf. She was afraid, not of what she was, but of what she _could_ do. Afraid of the loneliness that was surely her destiny; she would never be able to love safely, she couldn't hurt anyone...she would not, not again.

A memory flashed in her mind;  _Sivanna's fingers caressed his strong shoulders, her body wrapped around him. He whispered to her softly,"You would never hurt me, we are in love, and nothing is stronger than our love." Hesitantly, she let him kiss her, the softness of his touch a comfort that she had missed. "I love you.", she said. He smiled at her, "And I you." Her breathing quickened slightly, but she kept the beast under her control. Sivanna was proud of herself, she was so afraid that she would fail, that she would hurt him. Reaching for his back, her nails pushed slightly against his skin. The closeness they shared, his hand caressing her cheek...it was what she always had thought it would be, pure love._

_His kiss became more desperate, his breathing hard, sending shivers down her spine. "Sivanna...", he whispered. She gasped, the wolf was ready. It hit her like a rock wall, making her scream. She writhed, her lover could not understand what was happening!_ No! _She panicked_ , I cannot hurt him!

_The wolf was excited, and Sivanna watched in horror as her hands started to grow long claws that dug themselves into her partner's back. Sivanna's legs popped and her face stretched, her ears pointed themselves and her eyes turned bright yellow. Brown fur seeped its way through her skin and as her teeth sharpened she saw the look of love and trust on the man's face. He was not afraid! She wanted to tell him to run, but she could not speak with the muzzle of a wolf. A tail, long and bushy sprouted itself from her behind, and as the rest of her body clicked itself into place, she howled. Long and sad, because she knew that this was goodbye, the beast was going to kill her love._

_Sivanna's wolf took over her mind, it was hungry and there was an intruder in her arms. It's lips pulled back in a snarl and alarm spread throughout the man's face. "Sivanna!", he cried as she threw him across the room. The wolf crouched, ready to pounce on him._ No!  _she pleaded with the wolf,_ Not him, please...do not kill him!  _The wolf snarled at her, it had no understanding of what she felt, Sivanna struggled to keep the wolf distracted long enough for her lover to escape. Yet he only stood there, in the corner of the room, looking at her patiently. He thought she would gain control...she had to try! She had to overcome the beast for him!_

_The wolf was too strong, it overpowered her and took over their shared body. She jumped onto her lover and bit his shoulder. He screamed, fear pouring from him at last, and the wolf drank it in like a Nord with honey mead. Another bite to his side and he began to struggle, this excited the wolf. Inwardly, Sivanna was screaming at the beast, trying hard to stop what was happening, but she was too late. The wolf took one last look into the eyes of the man Sivanna loved, there was an emotion there, but she did not understand._ Love, _Sivanna said to the beast,_ he loves you _. For a moment the wolf sat there, on top of the man, baffled by the look on his face. The fear scent was gone, and the man was looking into her eyes with warmth and promises of safety. Slowly, she backed off of the man. and cocked her head at him. The smell of blood permeated the room. He tried to sit up, and failed. His injuries were too great, the wounds too deep. She took a small step toward him, crawling on all four. Just then the door burst open, guards filled the room and the wolf panicked_ . "Werewolf!",  _they screamed. "Kill the werewolf!"_

_She bolted, tail between her legs, to an open window. It was too small for her, she struggled with the window bruising her sides and scraping her bloody, and finally broke free. As she ran from the house the guards yelled,"He's been bitten, kill him! He is no longer human!" Sivanna screamed in her head so loud that the wolf howled, as she tried to drown out the screams of the man she loved as he died._

Looking back, Sivanna wished she had urged the wolf to turn and attack the guards before they killed him. But there had been too many men, and she had received many arrows to her flank during her escape, there was no she way could have saved him. She sighed, "Love is not for us", Sivanna told the wolf. "Love is only a lie."


	2. A Fork In The Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna has to decide where she will go next.

**A Fork In The Road**

_"Thief!",_ cried the guard! "That wench has robbed me of my garments!"

Indeed. Sivanna had stolen the garb of a watchman who was as drunk as a skeever in a wine barrel. She snickered to herself as she slipped on the armor. With the helmet in place and a sword in her hand, she ran around the mill she had been hiding behind and charged in the direction the misguided watchman was pointing.

"Thank the Eight!", he said relieved. "Someone has come to aid me!" The guard paused, struck with a bout of dumb. "Hold on, I'm the only watchman on this road!"

By the time he had realized she had tricked once more, Sivanna had already turned a corner and headed into the woods. She took a bite of the dried apple she had found in the pocket of the purple tunic. The watchman did not follow her into the wilderness, they never did. She sighed, as much as she liked being fully dressed, she disliked always being on the run. Soldiers were the only people she ever stole from, save for bandits, and yet she still felt guilt. It could not be helped, she had to have clothes and the wolf didn't fancy leaving them whole when she shifted.

Sivanna looked to the east, it was brighter now and the road behind her seemed almost as though it led straight into the the fiery sun itself. She rummaged through the other pocket and found some dried salmon steak to nibble on. Sivanna had never enjoyed fish, but beggars were not choosers. After making sure the watchman stayed behind, she started down the road, away from the sun.  _Where am I to go now?,_ she asked herself as she gnawed on the steak.  _If I find another town that would accept me, I cannot stay long. The wolf will be a danger..._ Sivanna pushed the thought away, she would cross that bridge when the time came.

Up ahead a fork in the road was marked with a sign. She looked at it, two pieces of wood were nailed to either side. On one, the word Whiterun was etched decoratively into the sign, and the other had the word Falkreath carved into it just like the other. She had been near Riften when she had awoken this morning, Sivanna had traveled a good distance. Sivanna closed her eyes and let her scenses fully awaken, she let herself smell the rotting leaves on the ground and the honey from the bees nest in the trees. She let herself hear the fox barking in the distance and the birds flying high above her head. She loved the forest, but was time to leave.

Opening her eyes, she glanced at the sign one more time. She had heard of Falkreath, of it's massive graveyard.  _That's the last place I wish to venture to,_ she thought, already heading in the other direction.  _Maybe this Whiterun will hold something better for me..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow to start, yes, but it gets better. Bear with me here.
> 
>  


	3. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna shifts and finds that she might not be alone in this new place.

 

**Invitation**

It had been three days since Sivanna had chosen to follow the road to Whiterun. The moon was large and bright above, and it sang to her inner wolf. In Sivanna's mind she pictured her wolf baying and howling at the moon, but smells of livestock and sweet smells of fire reached her nose. She was close to a town, most likely this Whiterun. The wolf inside her whined, and Sivanna knew that if she refused to change tonight... the wolf would be a dire problem later.

Sivanna looked ahead, to the right side of the horizon was a large structure. A very tall rock wall surrounding it, the inside hidden, but she could see small farms circling its side. Directly ahead of her were two buildings and a wind mill guarded by a lone watchman. She sniffed,  _I smell mead, lots of it._ She thought to herself,  _One of those buildings must be the town's supply_ . Sivanna sniffed again, this time more deeply. Smells of wild game and forest reached her nose, and the wolf almost burst from within her, but something was strange...

The wolf was too impatient to worry about such things, so Sivanna had no choice but to skirt the road and head into the forest. Once she was certain that no one would be in endangered by her wolf, she began to undo the leather strips that held on the stolen watchman's armor. Her beast was almost giddy with delight, and Sivanna was more than a little excited to shed her skin and taste the freedom.

After Sivanna was rid all of her clothes, she dropped to the ground and let the change take her. Since she was willingly changing, the pain was slight and there was no struggle of inbetween forms. Sivanna's bones snapped and popped and her muscles stretched and moved themselves into place. Chestnut colored fur sprouted all over her body, and as the wolf settled in the forefront of her mind she lost herself to the bliss of the animal. There were no worries as the wolf, she was a hunter. Stealing and insecurity no longer existed. She was truly free from the problems of her other not so furry form.

The wolf lowered its head and inhaled the scents on the forest floor, rolling in the leaves as it tried to remove the very "human" scent from its fur. It howled happily and darted through the trees chasing deer or anything that moved. Sivanna was not hungry, so she whad no interest in catching the animals. She ran farther into the forest and up onto a cliff that overlooked Whiterun, to Sivanna it was beautiful, but to the wolf... it was dangerous.

Sivanna began to turn away, but she smelled something strange. Her hackles rose, a growl formed deep within her throat. Fear scent filled her nostrils, and it took her a moment before she understood that it was her wolf that was afraid. This worried Sivanna, she tried to identify the smell...it seemed vaguely familiar, and yet different. Her beast flashed a memory in her mind, trying to explain to Sivanna what she was smelling.  _Wolves._

She still did not understand, she had encountered wolves on nights like these yet never had they a scent such as this. The wolf snorted at her, sarcastically. Then it dawned on her, it was the scent of werewolves! She inhaled deeply, there were at least five of them that had been here, but only two recently. Her beast was starting to get curious, and homesick; they had never seen a pack before, and her wolf longed for their company.

Before Sivanna could think things through, she howled. It was a challenge, an invitation, and a request all in one.  _What do we do now?_ She asked the wolf. Of course, the wolf ignored her. She only sat on her haunches and watched the town below with a furious amount of attention. Sivanna was about to tell the wolf that she had her hopes up for not, when she heard an answering howl.

The sound came from behind her, further in the forest. The wolf shivered, stood, and howled again. Sivanna was starting to worry,  _were werewolves friendly to others of their kind?_ Her wolf flashed another memory, this time it was a pack of wolves all running together. Normal pack behavior, they were social creatures and life alone was never long lasting. Sivanna still was not convinced, but it was too late. Two pairs of amber eyes were approaching her slowly.  _I hope you know what you are doing!_ She whispered to her wolf.

  
  


 


	4. Initiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two werewolves welcome Sivanna into their pack.

 

**Initiation**

Sivanna froze, the amber eyes were approaching her slowly. One pair circling to her right, the other to her left. Her beast stood tall, waiting to see what these other wolves would do about her intrusion in their territory. The wolf on the right half barked, half growled at the wolf on the left. She looked curiously from one to the other. The werewolf on the left was much larger than the other, with wiry dark brown fur. It was deep in thought as it approached her, eyes staring into hers. It stopped about a foot away from her muzzle and growled questioningly, as if to say  _Who is the dominant here, me or you?_ Sivanna's heartbeat sped up as her beast lifted it's long muzzle toward the sky, baring her throat to the larger wolf.

Sivanna knew this was a sign of submission, and that it was the best way to earn favor of a pack. The larger wolf softly pressed his nose to the fur that covered her veins, a sign that he accepted her offering. The beast lowered it's head and looked into the eyes of the wiry wolf. He smelled of male musk, and sandalwood and his face although not human seemed... kind. Sivanna found herself drawn to him, her beast wanted to bury it's muzzle in his fur and relish the scent of him. He was the very first werewolf she had ever met after being bitten.

The smaller wolf behind him growled slightly, and the wolf in front of her stepped back. This other wolf had black fur that shone with a silvery tint under the moon. Sivanna knew without having to touch that its fur would be silky soft. It's face, unlike the other, held what seemed like a scowl in place as it stepped toward her and looked into her eyes. They both stood there, unmoving, waiting for the other to look away and submit. Eventually, Sivanna convinced her wolf that they would not be able to escape if a fight broke out, so she lifted her head high once more.

The scent of this new wolf filled her nostrils, also a male, but he smelled like a spice...cloves; sweet and inviting, relaxing. Yet when her muzzle pointed to the sky, there was no soft touch to her throat like with the other, he  _bit_ her. It did not hurt, he bit gently, right over her most vulnerable veins and growled softly.  _What does this mean?_ Sivanna asked her wolf worriedly. Her beast shivered as he let go, feeling how close to death she had been. She flashed a memory as answer to Sivanna's question, three wolves standing side by side. One stood in the middle, head held high. It was the alpha, and the wolf beside although larger was only beta. The last wolf stood almost behind the others, head low, clearly submissive to both wolves.  _So we are at the bottom then?_ The wolf said nothing, Sivanna took that as a yes.

Sivanna's beast lowered itself to the ground and rolled on her back, as if to say  _I accept my place._ The smaller wolf, the alpha, howled. The larger one, who Sivanna assumed was the beta joined his alpha. For a moment, Sivanna lay there in disbelief. She was being initiated! Sivanna sat up eagerly and howled with the others. In the distance, other voices responded to their call, to their alpha. The sound died down and the leader looked at her, then turned and started sprinting through the forest. The beta wolf whined encouragingly and followed the alpha.

She followed them eagerly, running and leaping over forest debris. The alpha led them out of the forest and onto the plains past Whiterun where the deer could be seen grazing. He dropped to all four and lifted his tail so the others would stop as well. A large deer stood about fifty feet from the rocks they were crouched behind. Without looking away from the stag, the alpha flicked his left ear and the beta took off. He began to skirt his way around the deer. The alpha flicked his right ear and Sivanna's beast copied the beta's moves. They both stopped on either side of the stag, who was still unaware of their presence. The formation the three wolves had made was a triangle, and it sealed the fate of any animal ever to get caught in the middle. This deer stood no chance.

The alpha ran at him, and after a few moments Sivanna and the beta followed. Fear scent permeated the air as the alpha bit the throat of the great beast, killing it quickly and quietly. Sivanna and the beta sat back and waited for the alpha to eat his share before joining. The beta got to eat before Sivanna, and her stomach growled. Finally it was her turn, this was all an ancient ritual, symbolizing her joining the pack. Her beast roared its happiness and the others echoed her.

After eating their meal, they trotted back to the forest, full and sleepy. The two wolves led Sivanna to a large tree that had two sets of armor laid neatly upon it's roots.  _Damn!_ Sivanna thought,  _where did I leave my armor?_ The other wolves fell to the ground and started to shrink back into their human bodies.  _What should I do?_ Sivanna asked her beast, but the wolf was already receding. Her fur gave way to skin and her claws turned back into fingers. The muzzle retracted and was replaced with her full red lips, her shoulders shrank into a more feminine shape and her legs were once more slender and human. Her skin was bright in the moonlight, pale and smooth. She felt so naked, bare.

The other wolves had already put most of their clothes back on by the time she had fully shifted back. She tried, and failed to cover her intimate parts, while looking over the two men before her. The beta, a nord, was extremely muscular and very tall, with shoulder length brown hair that had slight waves. His grey eyes held hers, they were beautiful. His face was handsome, with strong features and stubbly whiskers across his lower cheeks and chin. He smiled at her, "New blood.", he said softly, "Do you not have clothes?" His voice was gruff and manly yet soft at the same time, sexy. She shook her head mesmerized by him.

"You will borrow a tunic then," the alpha said. His voice was heavily accented, sexy in a rough way, though not at all as soft as the beta's. The alpha tossed her his white tunic, Sivanna caught it and looked at him. He was taller than her, with a strong body build that she very much wanted to touch... at least once. His hair was long and black, yet shorter than the beta's. His face was similar to the larger man's as well, but it was less squared than the beta's. His eyes were a hard grey-blue, as if he were angry. He had a beard, yet much less than the larger wolf's.

"But...but your armor will chafe!" she said nervously. He walked to her until his face was inches from hers, "Would you rather walk into town in nothing but your skin?", he breathed into her ear. Sivanna thought she would melt, his breath tickled her neck and she shuddered.

"As I thought." he said triumphantly,"Now put it on and lets go." She slipped the tunic over her head, it was a few sizes too big, but it would have to do. Sivanna looked at both of the men.

They looked from one another to her, and the larger man said, "Your name, newblood?"

"Sivanna.", she said.

"Where do you hail from?", the alpha asked.

"I was born in Dawnstar, but I have no permanent stead.", she answered softly.

They exchanged looks,"Where are you staying?" the beta asked.

"I...I sleep in the woods.",she whispered."I have no gold so I may stay at no inn."

"Then you will come with us.", the alpha stated. There were to be no questions, it was an order.

"Wait...", she said hesitantly,"Are you sure you want me to go with you? You know nothing of me, and I you."

The alpha stared at her for a moment, thoughtful. "I am Vilkas, and this is my twin brother Farkas. Now lets head home, I'm aching for a pint of mead and a warm bed."

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning/evening/afternoon... whatever time it is where you are. If you like where the story is going let me know. I would also love to here your theories :)
> 
>  


	5. Who Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna follows the twins to their home and meets the harbinger.

 

**Who Knew**

Sivanna's jaw dropped, she never knew that Whiterun was so large! Even at this late hour, the city looked magnificent! The walls towered high above her as she followed Farkas and Vilkas through the heavy wooden gates. No people adorned the streets, but a few guards patrolled. Farkas glanced back at Sivanna and slowed to her pace. He chuckled slightly and gently closed her mouth. She jumped at the touch, making him laugh harder. Sivanna was not used to this...intimacy. Though it was innocent, she was still uneasy. No one had touched her since...

"What seems to be the problem?" Farkas asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.

Sivanna realized that she had stopped walking, and stood in the middle of the street gawking at him. She face reddened and looked at her feet, they were bare and dirty on the cobblestone road. "I just...", she struggled for words."I've never met another wolf, and I have not been touched since I..."

Farkas' face softened,"There is no need to be afraid of me, I'm not as mean as you may think."

"Oh no! That isn't what I meant!", she exclaimed."I meant that I'm not used to companionship." Sivanna hoped she had not offended him, he was very kind.

" _Companionship_ ," Vilkas said over his shoulder,"is what we are heading for. If you cannot handle being around people or being in a pack, I suggest you return to the woods."

He said the words like it was just a fact that she had to come to terms with, or spend her life in alone. Sivanna felt rejected, he did not want her to stay. Her beast growled, trying to comfort her.

"Brother," Farkas said softly. "Maybe we should try to introduce her to things gently. There is no reason to throw her back into the wild, she has not lost herself to the beast."

Vilkas turned to face them, his silver eyes storming. He must not have appreciated Farkas' interruption. Sivanna looked up at the larger man's face, there was no fear. He was only giving advice to his alpha, no threat was intended. _How brave_ , Sivanna thought to herself, _to stand up to his pack leader with no fear._

Vilkas seemed to relax,"Fine, _you_ will be sure she doesn't maul anyone." He said calmly. "And _you_ ," he directed those icy eyes on her,"will have to learn to accept our life. I will allow you to stay with us, in Jorrvaskr. We will see if you can make it as a Companion. Only those with strong hearts are dubbed Companions, so I suggest you toughen up quick, _whelp_."

And with that, he left her and Farkas alone. Sivanna was shocked and confused, what was she supposed to feel? She had thought that being initiated into a pack would be a warm and happy event, but _this_ seemed completely different.

"Don't give him too much thought," Farkas said kindly. "He has trouble opening up. He may seem callous, but he means well. Vilkas wants you to stay, otherwise he wouldn't bring you here."

"Thank you, Farkas. I will try not to maul anyone, I don't want to get you in trouble." she said quietly. She was glad he was with her, he and his brother seemed to be completely different.

Laughter boomed from him,"Oh do not worry for me. I can handle you just fine." he said confidently. He clasped his giant hand onto her shoulder to reassure her, and they continued walking. _Let us hope we will not have to find out_ , she thought as she passed a blacksmith's shop. The acrid smell of burning metal stung her nose, and she sneezed.

"How can anyone _stand_ that smell?", she asked Farkas as she covered her nose with her sleeve to escape the metallic fumes. Duly noting that the scent of cloves was becoming one of her favorites.

He looked thoughtful for a moment, "We all got used to it. Most people cannot even smell it like _we_ can." He winked at her, and she quickened her pace to rid her nose of that gods awful smell and from the strange situation she was not yet sure how to handle.

They continued walking, the two passed many buildings and a few shopping stalls. After reaching a giant dying tree in the middle of the road, they headed to an extremely large and ornate building. It looked like it had once been a giant ship, that had been flipped upside down to create a shelter. Dragon heads and decorative carvings covered the support beams and the walls looked thick and sturdy. The sight of it made Sivanna feel small, the way you might feel standing in front of a mountain.

Farkas sighed appreciatively, and opened the doors to the building. "This," he gestured with his hand; sweeping across the great hall, "is Jorrvaskr. Home of the mighty Companions."

Sivanna looked around the room, there were tables everywhere and a very large fire pit in the middle of the room. They had arrived in the middle of a feast! She spotted Vilkas talking with a red headed woman with blue war paint slashed across her face in three long strokes. Heads turned when she followed Farkas over to her alpha and the strange woman. Sivanna could recognize the scent of a werewolf, it was one she had smelled before meeting the twins. This woman with her fierce war paint, was also a wolf.

Her wolf was becoming excited and she smiled at the woman. The woman turned to her, looked her over and said, "I've heard you may be stronger than you look, perhaps we can hunt together someday.", her voice was confident and strong, everything Sivanna wished she could be.

"I would love to have that honor, I am Sivanna.", she replied formally. This was another member of her pack, Sivanna had to be polite, show that she could cooperate.

"Aela the Huntress.", she replied in a cool tone. "If you wish to hunt with me, your feet need to be quick, and your eyes quicker." It sounded like a warning, a challenge.

"I will keep up.", Sivanna said, defending herself. Her wolf sat proudly in her head, content with what had transpired. She knew this Aela was most likely a better hunter, but she was determined to prove herself. If she was to be at the bottom of the pack, she would at least _earn_ her place there.

Aela gave a nod of approval and walked away. She sat next to a man with no hair atop his head, only a silver ponytail at the nape of his neck. A large scar marred one side of his face, it passed over his eye, that had turned milky white with blindness. Sivanna sniffed silently, he was a wolf as well.

"That is Skjor, Aela's mate.", Vilkas told her. "Now, you must meet the Harbinger."

Once again it was that same demanding tone, no questions were to be asked. Although Sivanna had many, she kept the silence and followed. Farkas stayed behind, sitting next to the man called Skjor. He smiled encouragingly as Vilkas started to lead her down a flight of stairs. Sivanna panicked, she was alone with the alpha, cold and calculative Vilkas. She was afraid he was going to sneak her out a back door and banish her from the city, but instead he opened a door at the bottom of the stairs and led her down a large hall. At the end of the hallway, a man sat at a small table with a piece of bread in his hand, he was wearing the same set of armor as the twins. For the first time since she had arrived, Sivanna remembered that she was wearing only Vilkas' tunic.

"And who is your friend, Vilkas?", he said, watching her wearily as she blushed.

"A new member of the pack, Master.", Vilkas replied. It was strange, but his voice sounded different when he spoke to this man. In the little time she had known him, she had him figured as devoid of emotion. Yet there was love and respect in his voice now, as he addressed the older man.

"I am no one's _master_ , Vilkas. I am only Harbinger.", he chided softly.

"Forgive me, Kodlak.", Vilkas said sincerely.

The Harbinger waved the apology away with his hand and a smile playing on his lips. He turned to her, Kodlak had long silver hair pulled back by two braids. A swirl of red face paint covered nearly his whole right cheek. His silver eyes were old, and wise, and his skin showed scars of the many battles he had been in. He must have been in his fifties at least.

"What is your name, lass?", he inquired curiously.

"Sivanna of Dawnstar.", she said, trying to look as though she were a mighty warrior.

"What brings you to the Companions?", he asked.

"I...well to be honest, I have been wandering the wilds of Skyrim afraid to get close to others, lest they learn what I am." she paused, wondering if she should continue. Kodlak only blinked at her, so she went on. "I had never met another...like myself, until tonight. I was hoping that maybe I could stay and see what it's like to be part of a family."

Sivanna froze, was that true? It was, she was so lonely. She had never the chance to voice her feelings with anyone. She had no one to say these things to anyway. Kodlak turned to Vilkas, who stared back blankly. They seemed to be having a conversation, without speaking, a million words were being said.

Sivanna felt so confused and then the Harbinger turned to her and sighed, "I knew someday, you would find us."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't decide whether this is a slow start or not. Either way, I hope it has piqued your interest. You have my thanks for reading, I'll have another chapter up tomorrow. Much love to you all.
> 
>  


	6. Meet Your Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna learns who bit her all those years ago.

 

**Meet Your Maker**

"Wait,  _what_ ?", Sivanna asked incredulously. Her eyes darted from one man to the other. 

"Did they ever find the wolf that bit you?", Kodlak asked calmy.

"Well no...but what does that have to do with..." Kodlak looked down, avoiding her eyes. He looked shamed, like he had been caught doing something very  _very_ bad.

"You're not...it wasn't you, was it?", she was watching Kodlak, her words no more than a whisper.

"You must understand, I had yet to learn control. It was my first moon and I had gone far into the woods so that I couldn't hurt anyone...but I still found you."

Sivanna was shocked, it was not the Harbinger speaking, it was  _Vilkas!_ Her head whipped around to stare at him.  _This_ was the man who had turned her into a beast? _This_ was the man who had caused her lover to die? Anger started to boil in her stomach, her fists clenched at her sides. He was looking right into her eyes, he looked guilty, but not sorry.

" _Do you have any idea what you caused?"_ , she hissed. "I killed my own  _lover!_ "

Vilkas just looked at her, his face unchanged. "Did your teeth close around his throat?"

"How  _dare_ you! I...well...actually no. I bit him, but I convinced my beast to stop.", she said, feeling numb.

"Then what happened?", Kodlak asked softly.

"Guards.", she whispered, staring intensly at her toes. She would not cry, not in front of them at least.

"I am sorry for what happened to you.", Kodlak looked stricken with grief.

"But you cannot continue to live in your past.", Vilkas said.

Sivanna looked at Vilkas, the man of her nightmares, and asked, "Are you even going to apologize?"

"Do you like being the wolf?", he asked. She thought about it, then nodded. "Then you are welcome."

Rage flared from her in waves, how could he  _be_ so insensitive? She had lost  _everything_ because of him. And yet...she had lost nothing because of him. Sivanna had been abandoned at a very young age, and slept in the stables with the farm animals. There had been many times when a cow or horse would step on her arms and legs in the cramped stalls, but where else could she go? Honorhall? The orphanage with a witch for an owner? No. She would rather stay in the cold snow for the rest of her life than go to that place for one night. And that is exactly what she had done, until she had met her lover. 

He had given her a place to stay, and had taken care of her when she had nothing to repay him with. He was the only person to ever show her kindness, regardless of her situation. Eventually they fell in love, the worst mistake of his life. Now here she stood, with the man that had caused her to change, and inadvertently her lover's death. Vilkas didn't even seem to care, the only person to ever love her was dead and Vilkas cared not.

"Now lass, what Vilkas is trying to say is that he's sorry for the pain he caused you.", Kodlak said, trying to ease the tension that suddenly seemed palpable.

"What I'm  _saying,_ is that whatever happened in your past matters not. You are here now, and you have a responsibility as a pack member. You need to prove to me that you can be relied on to do what it takes for our family.", Vilkas said. 

Sivanna stared at him. "I understand," she responded, "but there is one thing I wish to know."

Vilkas raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What is it?"

"Why did you not come after me, let me know what was going to happen? Tell me that I would live... but that I could never be close to others again?", her voice trembled and her eyes felt hot.

"I searched.", he replied,"I couldn't find you."

"But... you remembered my scent, right? Or what I looked like?"

"It was my first shift, I blacked out. When I woke up I had no memory of what my wolf done, but when I arrived in the nearest town I heard of a beast attacking a young girl. I knew that _I_ must have been that beast, but when I went searching for you I had no description of the girl that I had bitten. Everything I had heard was vague, all I knew was that the girl was an orphaned Nord. After some time, I gave up.", he sighed.

Sivanna thought for a moment about when she had been attacked. Sivanna had been staying in Ivarstead, Vilkas had been searching in the wrong town. She had known that her attacker was no normal beast, so she had fled. Sivanna and her lover had run back to Dawnstar. Then she had her first shift, and she was forced to run again.

"I see.", suddenly she felt tired. "Can you show me where I am to sleep?"

Her head was spining, and she wanted nothing more than to fall into a bed and sleep. Too much had happened today, she was more than ready for it to be over. The Harbinger bid her goodnight and promised things would be better morn. Sivanna watched as he went up the hallway she and Vilkas had come through and left them alone.

For a while they both stood there, neither of them speaking. Sivanna's eyes were focused on the rug beneath her feet. It was a deep red with gold ornate designs swirling and feathering along it's rim. After a few moments had passed, Vilkas cleared his throat.

"I will show you to your bed.", he said in his thickly accented voice.

Without looking to see if she would follow, he started back up the hallway. Suddenly, a man stumbled through the doorway from the great hall. Sivanna could smell the mead on him, he was thoroughly pickled.

"Heeeeey, Vilkasss.", he slurred while trying not to spill his mug.

"Where've you been, old friend?", the man leaned a little too close to Vilkas' face.

Vilkas pushed him off, gently. "Torvar, you've had a bit too much to drink again."

"Nah." he said and turned his face to Sivanna. The man had blonde hair and a long blonde beard. He was probably her height, but with him wobbling like a fresh calf in his drunken stupor, it was hard to tell.

"Oh!", Torvar giggled. "You've found a new lady, eh?"

He gestured to the shirt Sivanna was wearing.  _As if the night couldn't get any worse_ , she thought. Sivanna wished she could hide until the night was over, or at least until she wasn't wearing Vilkas' tunic.

"Torvar go to bed." Vilkas said, clearly annoyed.

"Ladies man!", Torvar sang to him, he winked at Sivanna and stumbled back through the door to the great hall.

She looked at Vilkas, he seemed flustered. "What is the matter?", she asked.

"He will tell everyone that we are bedding each other.", he replied calmly.

"Ugh.", Sivanna sighed as she dragged a palm over her face.

"That's all you have to say?", he seemed shocked. It was the first emotion she had seen on his face rather than anger.

"What would you have me say? People spread whispers like fires spread in dry grass, I learned that a long time ago."

"Do you care not, or does the thought temp you so?"

"What? I said no such thing, I do not wish to be in your bed!", she was mortified.

"That is not entirely true," he grinned, "You would have opened yourself to me like in the woods, I could smell desire pouring from you."

Sivanna's fist struck him squarely in the jaw. Although he was indeed her alpha, there was no quelling her anger. Sivanna felt no regret, and yet she knew there would be trouble in the morning.

"Something the matter?"

Sivanna turned, Farkas stood in the doorway. She sighed,"I need a place to rest."

He lifted his large arm and pointed to the door on her right, "Just pick a bed and fall in it."

Without giving Vilkas another glance, she opened the door and lay down in the first bed she saw.  _Tomorrow is going to be a long day,_ she told the wolf as she drifted off into sleep.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, I said I would have the new chapter ready tomorrow... but I just couldn't wait :)
> 
>  


	7. On Whiterun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna experiences her first day as a companion.

 

**On Whiterun**

Sivanna woke to the sound of snoring. Her eyes opened quickly, someone was lying on the floor beside her bed. It was Torvar, the man from last night. She glanced around the room, there had been many beds he could have picked. _Guess he couldn't make it,_ she giggled to herself.

As she sat up, she tried to figure a way to apologize to Vilkas. No doubt he was livid from what had happened last night. Feeling her fist hit him had felt good, but it had been wrong. She sighed, that would _not_ make a pleasant conversation. None the less, it had to be done if she wanted to stay in the pack.

Aela appeared in the open door. "You're awake, I'm sure you will want a change of clothes.", she said giving Vilkas' tunic a look. "Here, the straps are adjustable, I'm certain it will suit you."

She tossed Sivanna some leather armor. It was fresh from the blacksmith by the smell. Light and flexible, made for a hunter rather than a warrior. Sivanna was pleased, she knew nothing of using weapons anyway. If she had ever been in danger, her beast would get them to safety. Now it seemed, she would have to change her ways.

"Thank you, Aela.", Sivanna said.

"When you are fully dressed, you are to meet Farkas in the training grounds. Now then, you mustn't tell anyone what you are or what _we_ are, some people cannot handle the beauty of the wolf."

"No one?"

"If you do not smell the beast in them, then they need not know of the beast in us." Aela replied.

"I understand." Sivanna knew that even if a wolf _had_ control, people would fear them. There was no need to cause a panic in the town.

"So," Aela said, "The large bruise Vilkas' face, was that your doing?" Her expression was unreadable.

Sivanna looked at the ground, "I...got a little carried away."

"Can't say I blame you, your first moon must have been rough, no wolf should have to spend it alone."

 _He must not have told anyone what had happened, I suppose I would have kept quiet too if I had been him._ Sivanna held back a laugh, she must have been mad to think she could fit into this life. Sivanna had never properly learned how to behave around others, they would surely disband her from the pack .

"Am I to leave then?"

"Leave? No, you got what was owed to you. Our alpha would never banish you for reminding him of his mistake against a fellow pack member.", Aela told her.

 _He had made more than one mistake,_ she thought. Sivanna was still irritated , of course she thought him appealing, but it had been the full moon! All things were more...intense, during a full moon. Vilkas of _all_ the wolves should have known that. _Maybe that's why he acted as he did? Because the moon was affecting him?_

"Does Vilkas...see many women?"

Aela cocked her head, "Interested are you?"

"No! No, I only...this man on the floor thought that we...", Sivanna felt cornered as she searched for words.

"Because you are wearing Vilkas' tunic? I see, well he has had his share of wenches leaving his room in the early mornings. No need to worry about Torvar here either, he's a good man...he just _celebrates_ a little too often."

Aela lightly kicked Torvar's side, he grumbled and lifted his face. Torvar's eyes were bloodshot enough she thought he must have missed his mouth and poured the mead into them, he looked awful. Sivanna was sure he would not remember her, much less what had transpired in the night. Torvar looked at her with a lost expression on his face, _he most certainly does not remember._

"Have we met? I cannot remember. If you have introduced yourself to me before I'm sorry, I forgot.", He mumbled as he pushed himself off the ground.

"No, I don't believe we have. I'm Sivanna of Dawnstar.", she was so relieved that he couldn't remember last night, it would have...complicated things.

"Torvar.", he stated.

"Kodlak wishes to speak with you Torvar, off you go.", Aela told him.

He stumbled through the door, and Aela followed. She gave Sivanna one last nod before disapearing through into the hallway. She felt giddy, _my training starts today!_ Was this really happening? Sivanna had a place to stay, and people to spend her time with. People who knew her secret, and accepted her.

Sivanna dressed quickly and started up the hallway to the stairs. _I wonder what I will learn today,_ she pondered, _will I be learning how to use a sword?_ Sivanna was not sure she could be a very good warrior, but she would try none the less. If her life was going to change, she would embrace it!

When she arrived in the great hall, she realized that Aela had forgotten to tell her where the training grounds were. She spotted an old woman sweeping near one of the many doors, perhaps she would know? Sivanna headed towards the older woman, she was wearing a yellow dress and a bonnet. _A handmaiden_ , Sivanna realized, _she must know!_

"Excuse me," she started.

"Don't bother yourself with me, you wish to speak with one of the Companions I'm sure.", she said with a smile.

"Actually, I'm looking for the training grounds, can you help me?", Sivanna asked.

"Oh I've been serving the Companions as long as I can remember, I know every hall and all its secrets. The training grounds are just through that door."

"Thank you." Sivanna said politely, and headed throught the door.

The sun nearly blinded her, it was so bright out. Sivanna squinted as she walked out into the morning light. Sivanna stepped on to a porch with two long tables covered in food and drink. Farkas was straight ahead, in what seemed to be a lookout, from it you could see the vast plains where she had been initiated into the pack. Farkas was leaning against the stone wall, watching her.

"Hello.", Sivanna greeted him as she walked to his lookout.

"I was afraid I would need to wake you myself.", Farkas chuckled

Sivanna smiled, he was easy to be around. The large companion was light hearted and kind, she had never met anyone like him. "Just enjoying the bed, it's been many winters since I had the chance.", she said.

"I see, well are you ready?", he said with a smirk.

"Of course."

He cocked his head at her, "You have no way of knowing what I have in mind, how can you be sure you are ready?"

"Each day that I wake, I am prepared for whatever may come next, that is how I learned to survive.", she told him.

"Oh...I see, then lets make haste. Today you will be learning about Whiterun."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have at least twenty chapters for this fic already written, and it is nowhere near being at it's end. But I'm finding myself drawn to the idea of making a Horizon Zero Dawn fic. Thoughts?
> 
>  


	8. Cold Hard Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and Vilkas get into a fight, and Vilkas tells her something new about someone she used to know.

 

**Cold Hard Truth**

"This is the Wind district, all the houses, The Bannered Mare, Gildergreen, and Jorrvaskr itself are within its bounds.", Farkas said proudly.

"I'm lucky to have such a fine escort," Sivanna teased.

"Your life may depend on what you learn today. It would be best for you to know about the town in which you abide.", his voice was light, but his words were serious.

"Of course.", she said. Sivanna cared not about the districts, she knew where her bed was and that was all she needed. Sivanna wanted battle lessons and hunting trips! She was ready for adventure!

Farkas pointed to a very large building atop two flights of stairs. "That, is Dragonsreach. The Jarl's castle. It's in The Cloud District."

Sivanna was more interested in the shouting priest who stood before the statue of Talos. He was screaming his preachings to anyone that walked by. His voice was hoarse, but he showed no signs of stopping. There was a desperation in his face, yet not many even acknowledged the desperate man. "What ails that man?"

"That is Heimskr. He's a priest of Talos, see the way he watches everyone? He waits for the Imperials to try and arrest him for violating the law. Heimskr is against the banning of the worship of Talos, so he chooses to ignore the new law." Farkas said.

"And yet, no one is listens to him.", Sivanna said, it was a sad sight.

â€œHeimskr is doing what he thinks is right, best not to worry about him much.", Farkas said as he lead her away.

Sivanna followed him down some stairs to the marketplace. The difference between day and night in the city was astonishing. At night the city was empty, yet now so many people roamed the streets that the were crowding each other. Or so it seemed to Sivanna, there were only less than twenty in reality. Sivanna did not enjoy being this close to people, it made her nervous.

"This is The Plains District, or just the marketplace.", he leaned down toward her and whispered,"Are you feeling ill? You look as pale as a spectre."

"There are so many...", she whispered nervously.

Farkas straightened up,"Alright, back to Jorrvaskr. You know the way?" he raised a large eyebrow at her and she nodded. "Then lead the way."

  


***

  


After they had returned to the great hall, breakfast was being served. Tilma, the handmaiden Sivanna had met earlier, was a wonderful cook. It had been some time since Sivanna had eaten boiled cream treats and scrambled eggs. It was nice to know she would be able to eat when she felt the hunger. Sivanna and Farkas had just cleaned off their plates when Vilkas opened one of the many doors and walked into the great hall. He was walked to where she and Farkas were sitting, Sivanna could smell perfume on him. _Vilkas must have enjoyed himself._ She thought, _I suppose he cannot handle rejection._

"You, follow me.", Vilkas commanded.

He lead her outside to the training grounds and walked to the lookout to peer over the vast plains of Skyrim. The silence was building uncomfortable, it made Sivanna want to squirm, yet instead she walked to the lookout and leaned her elbows against the rock wall.

"I'm sorry.", she said. She didn't need to see him to know that his head had whipped to look at her. His stare was burning a hole in her face.

"Sorry?", he asked, seeming confused.

Sivanna turned her head to him and nodded, "For hitting you."

Vilkas looked puzzled, _has he forgotten?_ Sivanna thought to herself irritatedly.

"You are a strange one.", he remarked, still staring at her.

Now Sivanna was confused, "Why am I strange?"

"I was not expecting you to say that. This conversation was going to be a lot different." His accent made the words seem so...unusual, not bad, just different.

"Would you rather I had not?"

"There was no need, only apologize if you have done wrong."

Sivanna looked at the bruise on his jaw, it was swollen and purple. _I could not have hit him_ that _hard... did I?_

"So I can strike you?"

"No, I only deserved the hit last night. Now leave it alone, it's not what I brought you out here for."

She waited, and as the tension grew she listened to the sounds of the city. She could hear Eorlund working the Skyforge above them, Farkas had introduced her to the blacksmith that morning. Eorlund had shown her how he made the armor and weapons for the Companions, his work was not an easy task. Sivanna could also hear Heimskr screaming his preachings as people bartered their goods in the marketplace. A werewolf's hearing was an amazing thing.

"Why do you think I brought you here?", Vilkas asked her. Sivanna startled, she had forgotten he was there. She pondered his question for a moment, _why_ would _he bring me here? Perhaps he is trying to make amends?_

"I'm not sure.", she said truthfully.

He stared at her, it was as if he didn't know what he was doing. This was very odd.

"I brought you here because my life needs to change, I need to change.", Vilkas said.

"Change? I'm not understanding."

"I have let old man Kodlak down, so I need to correct that. I'm starting with you, my first mistake."

Sivanna flinched, it was as though he had struck her. "Mistake?", her voice was steady, but only just.

"Yes, I need to fix you before I can see to myself."

"Fix me?", she said angrily,"I don't need _fixed!_ Especially not by you!"

Sivanna turned on her heel and started back towards the great hall. Vilkas grabbed her arm, "Wait," he said, "that is not what I meant."

She glared at him,"Perhaps you _should_ change, then maybe you would be able to help others rather than attack them!"

His eyes darkened, _uh oh_ , she thought. "I saved your life!" he yelled at her.

"You would be dead if it weren't for me!"

"What are you talking about?" Sivanna's beast stirred, roused by the rage Vilkas had awakened.

"Do you really believe that the man you were with accepted you? That he actually loved you?", Vilkas spat.

"That is none of your concern!", Sivanna growled.

"He was using you!"

"NO! He _loved_ me! He was the only one to ever love me after my parents left! And it's _your_ fault he's dead!"

"Oh he is among the living." Vilkas laughed "Just waiting for the chance to take you back."

" _What!_ ", Sivanna exclaimed. _He's alive? That cannot be...I must have infected him!_

"Don't worrry your pretty little head, you couldn't kill him. It's surprising that you failed smell it on him, he was a wolf _long_ before he met you." Vilkas growled.

"Liar!" _Vilkas had to be lying, her lover died that night! Surely he was dead!_

"No words have ever been more true.", he said as he tried to quell his beast.

She turned away from him, and found that he still had a hold of her arm.

"Let go.", she warned.

"Do you not wonder how I knew that you were the girl I turned so long ago?" his voice was getting softer, Sivanna felt fear start to creep up her spine.

"No."

"Farkas and I found an assasin in the woods before you howled. The assasin had a note on his person, it said he was to capture a werewolf named Sivanna." He paused, "Do you know who signed the letter?"

"No..." Sivanna did not want to know.

"Arnbjorn of The Dark Brotherhood. "

Sivanna's legs buckled, Vilkas' hold on her arm was the only thing keeping her from hitting the hard ground. The world was spinning, and her vision went blurry. _That cannot be right!_ She thought desperately, _Arnbjorn is not in The Dark Brotherhood!_

"Forgive me, I should not have told you like this. But Arnbjorn was trying to initiate you into an evil cult.", his words were thick with his accent, as though there was a lump in his throat. He sat her down on the ground, squated in front of her, and felt her forehead with the back of his hand.

"If what you say is true...then he still loves me. Why would he lie?", her words were no more than a whisper.

"Because," Vilkas sighed, "He has a wife, and she would kill you as soon as she saw you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter for you, enjoy :)
> 
>  


	9. Caught In The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna is reeling after some mind shattering news. The twins have a fight that Sivanna feels compelled to stop.

 

**Caught In The Middle**

_A wife?_ Sivanna thought,  _he never mentioned a wife._ Looking back, he never really said anything about himself...he only ever talked about Sivanna. Why could she not see? He  _was_ using her, from the very beginning. Arnbjorn had never cared for her, his words...lies, every single one, a lie.

"I'm so foolish," she whispered, "I should have known that no one would ever care for a worthless girl like me... I have learned my lesson."

Sivanna kept her eyes fixed on the ground. A stone caught her eye, it did not fit with the others. One side jutted above the rest, standing tall enough to trip someone. _It could be a danger to anyone walking by...it does not belong with the others._ A tear slid silently down her cheek and fell on the jutting stone. 

She heard Vilkas sigh under his breath. Sivanna looked up to his face, he was shaking his head. "You tell me that you saved my life... how is leaving me alone with a killer was such a gallant guesture?"

Vilkas scowled at her, "I kept him from biting you. Albeit it wasn't on purpose, it is better that you went on your own. The things he would have done to you... I am thankful that you got away."

"And what would he have done to me?", Sivanna's beast was restless, with her hurt flowing through, it would not be long before she shifted.

"Arnbjorn would have used his knowledge of our kind against you. He would have used his lies and forced you to follow him and his orders." The anger had left Vilkas, but Sivanna could not calm herself...

"Like you? As soon as you  _saw_ me you  _knew_ you were going to make me a part of your pack!" she spat, "What if  _you_ are the one who is lying? How would I know that  _you're_ not the one trying to control me?  _Why did you bring me here?"_

"Easy now," Vilkas tried. Sivanna was panting, her shoulders heaving with the effort. The beast wanted out, now.

"Easy? I've been on the run for  _ten winters!_ Ever since  _you_ bit me! I had only seen  _twelve winters!_ I've had no bed since then! I've had no fresh cooked meal! I've had no one to talk to other than the beast inside me! If Arnbjorn had turned me, I would not be alone!", Sivanna felt fire spreading through her body, her skin was burning.

"I knew not what was happening! I had never even heard of a  _werewolf_ ! You chewed me up and spit me back out into the world with nothing! I had  _nothing_ left..."

"I searched for you, but where was I to start? You haven't make it easy for me either!" Vilkas said through clenched jaws.

â€œI bet it was _killing_ you to think that the girl you attacked was out there alone." she yelled sarcastically. 

"How would you know? You know nothing about me!" Vilkas yelled.

"Exactly! I  _don't_ know anything about you, only that when I needed you most, you  _weren't_ there!" The wolf was pushing its way through her. Sivanna's ears were starting to point, and as she looked into Vilkas' eyes they turned from silver to a deep amber.

" _Enough!"_

Sivanna and Vilkas both turned their heads at the sound. Farkas was standing on the porch, his fists clenched tight. He was angry, and he was glaring at Vilkas. Sivanna turned back to look at her alpha, and almost hit her face on his jaw. Sometime in the chaos, they had both stood up braced for a fight. Her teeth had sharpened, making her mouth hang open awkwardly. Vilkas' hand was mid reach for the colllar on her armor, his fingers almost completely changed into claws.

Farkas closed the distance between them and turned to look at Sivanna, a firm hold on Vilkas' shoulders. "Did he hurt you?", his eyes flashed amber, so fast she thought she had imagined it.   
  
_Why would he care? What does he want from me? No friendship comes without a price..._  


"No, he did me no harm." Farkas eyes moved to her arm, the one Vilkas had grabbed. A purple bruise was forming there. She had not noticed it before.

He whipped his head back to his alpha and growled, low, not a sound that should come from a human throat. Vilkas pulled his lips back in a snarl, eyes locked on Farkas' face. Part of Sivanna wanted to stand and watch, but she knew she could not...they were brothers. She couldn't let them be torn apart.

"Stop.", Sivanna said.

Nothing happened, they were still growling at each other and Sivanna could see the first signs of the change on Farkas.

" _Stop!"_ she yelled. They looked at her, as if they had forgotten she were there. "I'm leaving." 

Farkas dropped Vilkas, who made a satisfying thud on the hard ground. They were looking at her with desperate faces. "You cannot leave!" Vilkas said.

"We want to help you." Farkas said gently.

"I have had enough help." Sivanna sighed.

"Please, don't go. I'm sorry, this was wrong.  _I_ was wrong." Vilkas pleaded.

"Sivanna, not all people act like Vilkas. Some of us are  _nice_ ." Farkas looked pointedly at Vilkas as he said it.

"This is more than I can handle. I thought that coming here would change things for me...but I never thought it would be like this.", she said. Sivanna was so tired of running, but what else could she do?

"Just give it a week? Please, Sivanna. I enjoy being your company, you are honest and easy to be around."

Sivanna half smiled, but she stopped herself. "Farkas, you have been very kind. But if I have learned anything, I learned that people use that against me. You  _seem_ kind, but what do you really want from me? How can I believe that you want me to stay here just for my company... after today?"

Farkas' jaw dropped. "See!" Vilkas said to him. "She's hopeless!"

"That is  _your_ fault!" Farkas growled.

They were back where they had started.  _What should I do now?_ she asked the wolf. It sat in her head, and whinned. A picture flashed, two wolves fighting and another came to stop the fight. It was a power struggle, and the third wolf would ease the pressure to keep things from getting serious  _No, you mean to tell me that I have to stop them from fighting? That is my place in the pack?_ The wolf said nothing.  _Fine._

"Alright!" The brothers looked back to her, "I will stay for a while, but only because I miss having fresh food and a warm place to sleep. First fight I see, I leave."

 


	10. Find Out Who Your Friends Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna wonders if she can trust anyone. Farkas tries to prove that there are still good people.

 

**Find Out Who Your Friends Are**

 

Sivanna fell on her bed sighing tiredly. _Can this really be happening?_ She had left Farkas and Vilkas outside, both of them wore dumbstruck expressions on their faces. She was unsure what to do now, but she did need some time to herself. So much had happened already, it was all she could take.

 

Just then she heard a knock, "Sivanna?", Aela peeked her head through the doorway.

 

"Yes?", Sivanna replied through her pillow.

 

"Are you well? I heard a lot of shouting out there..." Aela sounded concerned.

 

Sivanna lifted her head, "No one got hurt," Sivanna thought for a moment, "I have a bruise but it is no great problem." The last thing she needed was another reaction like Farkas'.

 

"I see, and where have the twins gone?", Aela asked as she opened the door.

 

Sivanna cocked her head, "They left?"

 

"It would seem so.", Aela replied.

 

"I'm afraid I do not know, but I wish to...take a rest. If I may?"

 

Aela nodded and left, _off to find the brothers,_ she figured _._ Sivanna lifted herself from the comfort of her bed and blew out all the candles. Darkness swallowed the room as Sivanna began to undress. She wanted to feel the fur on her skin, it had always comforted her. As if she were cuddling with a live animal, another beast who cared for her. Pieces of armor fell to the floor, making clinking noises as the clasps hit the ground. It was nice to be in her own skin, although she had always complained about being without clothes... she was very used to being nude.

 

Sivanna pulled back the furs and crawled under their warmth, curling herself into a ball. She stared at the wall in front of her. _Could my love really have lied to me?_ She wondered. The Dark Brotherhood was a group of assassins who worshiped the god of death and pain... _Could Arnbjorn really be with them? Yes. Yes he could, and I was a fool for believing him._ Pulling the blankets closer, she thought of when she had first met him. He seemed so kind...

 

Sivanna had been begging on the streets of Dawnstar, starving and half frozen from the snow.

" _P-Please" her teeth chattered as she pleaded with a guard, "I only n-n-need a small bite to eat-t. Or m-maybe a s-small b-bit of fur to keep me w-warm." She was young then, only eleven winters, and very alone. Her face was dirty and the rags she wore offered no protection from the cold._

 

" _Get outta here ya little urchin! I don'a even have enough fur for m'self, I've no need of you takin' what little I 'ave!", he yelled as he shoved her away roughly._

 

_Sivanna walked away, knowing there would be no help for her. She came to a mine on the far side of town, and huddled next to the smelter. If she got too close, the metal oven would burn her. Multiple scars adorned her hands and feet from trying to warm herself by it. Sivanna had tried to enter the mine, thinking the cave would be a good shelter from the sleet and snow...but miners had forced her out._

 

" _What is a young lass like you doing out in this cold?"_

 

 _Sivanna lifted her face to see a young man standing above her. His hair was pure white, a shaggy mess that fell just past his ears. Brown eyes stared at her kindly. His body was muscular and strong._ Protection, _she thought. Sivanna was sure he was speaking to someone else, she looked behind her, yet she saw no one._

 

" _Are you well?" he asked, "Where are your mother and father?"_

 

" _They are g-g-gone." she said softly._

 

_The man squatted down so he could see her face, "How would you like some venison stew? And a better dress?" He gestured to tattered and ripped cloth she wore._

 

_Sivanna's heart dropped, "S-s-sir, I have no g-g-gold to pay you...not even a s-s-septim."_

" _I asked for no gold." he said with a wink._

 

" _B-b-but you are a s-stranger, what if you throw me in a p-p-pot?" she asked_

 

" _Hmm," he squeezed her arm softly "Not enough meat on your bones to make anything worth eating." He smiled._

 

_Sivanna giggled. "My name is Sivanna."_

 

" _A pleasure, Sivanna. My name is Arnbjorn."_

 

He was so kind back then, how could he be with the Dark Brotherhood? Tears started to slide their way across the bridge of her nose and onto her pillow. _How am I to live, if I cannot trust anyone?_ A deep sadness grew in her chest. Her heart ached and her body was going numb. Everything she had ever known, or thought she had known, had been a lie. Lies from the one person she thought she could trust.

 

"I loved him" she cried silently, "Why would he do this to me?"

 

Just then she heard the door open, "Aw shiiit! Someone blew all my candles out!" Sivanna recognized Torvar's voice.

 

"I got it." _Ria_ , Sivanna thought. She had met Ria this morning with Farkas. She was a nice girl, but then again, Arnbjorn had been nice too.

 

The two walked in, Ria was holding a torch and Torvar held a large sack.

 

"All this new armor will be very useful! Watch out women of Skyrim, here comes Torvar the Lady Killer!"

 

"Oh sure!" Ria laughed "More like Torvar the Buzz Killer!"

 

"Oi," he said, "That's not funny."

 

 _Great,_ Sivanna thought, _how do I get out of here? All my clothes are on the ground!_ She was going to just hide there until they left, but it seemed there would be no peace for her today.

 

"Have either of you seen Sivanna?" Farkas' rugged voice reached her ears.

 

"No.", they said in unison. Yet of course, his werewolf nose sniffed her out.

 

"There you are," he looked down and saw her armor on the ground, "Oh. Er, I thought you might need some privacy." He said awkwardly.

 

Sivanna turned her face to him, "Then why are you here?"

 

"You won't find it in here.", and with that he scooped her up, furs and all and walked through the door.

 

"What are you _doing?"_ she squeaked.

 

"Taking you where you can be alone." he answered.

 

Farkas walked down the hallway, and opened one of the many doors. It led to a smaller hallway with a door on either side. Farkas pushed through the one on the right, it was a bedroom. Only one bed was in it, she could smell Farkas' scent.

 

"Is this your room?", she asked.

 

"Aye."

 

"Then what are you thinking? I want to be alone, not in _bed_ with you!"

 

Farkas chuckled. "No one will bother you in here." he told her, as if it were normal to carry a naked woman into his room so she could 'be alone'.

 

"And what of my armor?"

 

"I will get it later, you won't be needing it."

 

Sivanna snorted, W _ho does he think he is? Coming in and grabbing me as if I were a sack of grain, and taking me to his chambers!_ That was somewhat unfair, Farkas was very gentle with her... _Yet the nerve! Does he know what others are going to think?_ She stopped that thought, _You gave no mind when Torvar was going to tell everyone you were sleeping with Vilkas..._

 

"I want to apologize for before. Vilkas and I are not like that. I only...when I saw the tear streaks on your face...I lost it. And then that bruise, I thought he had tried to hurt you." Farkas set her down on the bed and sat down on a chair next to her. _I guess do not get to be alone._

 

"Do you really believe that I dislike you?" he looked hurt.

 

"I-I am unsure what to believe." she said.

Farkas looked away and nodded. "Well for what it's worth, I enjoy you. You are one of the few people that are kind."

 

"The others are unkind to you?"

 

"The others say I am simple minded since I would rather let my sword speak for me."

 

"That does not make you simple," Sivanna said, "It only means you need help being around people."

 

"So do you." he turned to look at her. "You were crying again, anything I can do?"

 

Sivanna sighed, "Farkas, it has been a long day, and it is barely midday."

 

"I can keep the others from bothering you, if you wish."

 

"That would be nice, thank you." Sivanna was so confused, was Farkas trying to use her? How was she to know if someone was lying to her? Farkas left her alone, she heard him pull up a chair and sit in front of the door. _Just like a dog,_ _he seems loyal...but can I trust him? Can I trust anyone?_

 


	11. Under The Influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas reveals a shattered dream and Sivanna tries to comfort him.

 

**Under The Influence**

 

"Now hold steady, do not lock your arm! Try to breathe without moving your body... or, hold your breath. Good. Your back must be straight, never look away from the target! Remember, it takes time to get the aiming just so, but do not wait until your arms start to shake... you will most definitely miss." Aela instructed.

 

Sivanna let her breath out slowly, as her arms started to ache. "May I shoot it yet?", she asked.

 

"If you believe you are ready." Aela replied with a shrug.

 

The arrow ripped from Sivanna's fingers, flying into the target. "I hit it!" She was so pleased, she had managed to hit the target!

 

"I would not get too excited just yet," Aela warned, "You missed the bulls-eye." She pulled the arrow from the hay. Sivanna's arrow had landed in the third ring in the circle. _I hit it. You drag me out here to 'practice' but will not even praise my good work?_ Sivanna thought irritably. She had been in Farkas' room the whole night, and he had stayed on guard in front of the door the entire time. _I wonder where Vilkas slept?_

 

"Archery, is for those with patience. If you wish to learn to use a bow correctly, then you will heed my words. Otherwise I will send you off to Vilkas for training with swords." Aela said.

 

"No! I mean, no thank you. I would rather learn to shoot the stem from an apple before I train with two handed weapons." Sivanna told her.

 

Aela raised her eyebrows, "Oh? Well you have no need to worry, Vilkas is not here to train you."

 

"He's not? Where is he?", Sivanna asked before she stop herself.

 

"Preparing for a hunting trip, and you will be accompanying him."

 

" _What?_ Why would I have to go? I barely shot my first arrow! This is the first time I have ever touched a bow!" Sivanna looked at the weapon in her hand, it was a simple long bow. The wood was fine, carved to perfection. She could see herself fighting as a human rather than a beast for once. Maybe it _was_ possible. It fit snug in her hand, yet she was not ready to trust an instrument of wood and string with her life.

 

"You need to be a part of the hunt, feel what it is that you should be doing. You will learn more out there than you will shooting at a bail of hay with me." Aela said.

 

"But...you will be coming as well, right?" Sivanna asked.

 

"No. I am needed elsewhere."

 

" _Elsewhere?_ You are to teach me to use a bow! The only _elsewhere_ you should be is here aiding me!", Sivanna quipped worriedly.

 

Aela stared at her, "Since when does the New Blood give orders to Aela The Huntress? You are the lowest ranking member in the pack, if we tell you to do something, you do it. Now, keep practicing until summoned by myself or one of the others."

 

Aela turned and walked away from Sivanna, leaving her feeling humbled and humiliated. The beast whined softly for comfort and Sivanna turned back to her target. She lifted her bow and notched an arrow, letting her finger lightly rest on the shaft of it as a guide. _Take a deep breath,_ she told herself. All her focus was on her target, the red dot in the middle of the hay. The arrow let loose and flew into the hay with a thunk.

 

"Not bad", said a voice.

 

Sivanna whirled, it had been Skjor who had spoken. The man with the silver ponytail and milky eye was watching her, smiling slightly. He made Sivanna nervous, he seemed more beast than man.

 

"Thank you, sir." She said politely.

 

Skjor waved a hand, "I'm no sir. Just so, have they got you convinced that you must learn to fight on two legs?"

 

"What do you mean?" Sivanna asked, confused.

 

"All of them here will swear to The Nine that you have to learn to use _weapons_ in order to be a warrior." He said, clearly irritated.

 

She cocked her head, "You mean, you do not know how to use a sword or bow?"

 

Skjor scoffed, "Of course I do, girl, I just don't need 'em. Aela says it'll get me killed someday, but that's more a reason to keep as I am. A man's got to prove his woman wrong, no honor in being weak willed."

 

The beast did not like him, he gave Sivanna a chill in her spine. "I think it might be good to learn to use a bow so I can hunt and bring food back here to Jorrvaskr that is not full of holes from my fangs. I would like to be able to repay you all for your kindness, and maybe give some of my kills to the less fortunate." She remembered very well what it was like to be hungry, and she did not want others to face that terror.

 

Skjor turned his head so his eye might better see her, "Naive aren't you, those _less fortunate_ need to take care of themselves. Won't rise far in the pack with that kind a thinkin. We live in a beast's world, and only the strongest beasts survive, that is the way it's been and the way it will be."

 

She knew not what to say, so she turned back to her target and resumed her practice. All the while conscious of Skjor's uncomfortable stares. Sivanna had used all her arrows by the time he had left, and her arms and back ached with the effort she had put into her work. She seated herself on the ground, exhausted.

 

The sun had gone below the walls of the city and the air was starting to pick up a chill. _Nice to know where we will be bedding next, isn't it?_ Sivanna asked her beast. The wolf gave no response, only silence filled her head. She sighed, laying down and closing her eyes. She thought of the hunting trip she was to take with Vilkas. _It is going to be a disaster,_ she thought irritably. Vilkas clashed with her every time they were together. Even so, she was unsure what to make of him. He seemed earnest enough about helping her, but what did he want to fix? Did he want to unmake her? Did he want to teach her how to survive and be around others without worry? Sivanna did not know.

 

Just then she heard a door burst open feet dragging themselves out onto the porch. Sivanna sat up and turned to see Vilkas staggering between the tables toward her. She could smell the mead on him, it was strong. His face was slightly red as he nearly fell down beside her.

 

"I never meant for things to be this way.", he told her, looking out at the stars that were appearing in the sky. "I always thought I'd find you and save you from yourself, and you would think me a hero."

 

Vilkas looked at her then, eyes storming. _He's sad!_ She realized with shock. _I should say something to him..._ "Most times things don't turn out they way we think they ought to.", Sivanna said, patting his shoulder awkwardly.

 

His gaze turned to her hand upon his shoulder, and he grabbed it. His speed was impressive for his drunken state. "I thought you would fall in love with me and we would live they way they do in the old stories." he scoffed, "How could I ever think a girl might fall for me, what with the way I am?"

 

Sivanna was confused, she knew he was not quite himself... but could that all be true? He pulled her hand to the ground. Vilkas held it with a firm grip, and yet he seemed to be taking care with her, as if she might break. She was starting to feel uncomfortably aware of how close he was, their sides almost touching. There had to be something she could do to make this less... strange.

 

"I'm sure there's been many a girl that's loved you Vilkas, you are... handsome." She cringed at her own words, _handsome?_ Even if he was too drunk to remember what she had said, that was not the right thing to say.

 

"Handsome?" He lifted his head, "Handsome doesn't make for love, it makes for a good bedding." Sivanna blushed. "Even so, thank you for that, Sivanna."

 

That was the first time he had ever called her name, and though he _was_ handsome and she enjoyed hearing his voice, she knew he was right. Love was not something a look alone could make, even if it were a real thing. "Then you will have to try to be a man that a woman would want to keep.", Sivanna told him.

 

"Are you asking me to?", he cocked his head at her.

 

"Is love what you look for?", she asked him.

 

He thought about it, "I'm not sure anymore."

 

"Then yes," Sivanna nodded, "You should."

 

Vilkas lifted her hand to his face and inhaled her scent, it was an odd thing to witness. His eyes were closed as he pressed the palm of her hand to his face. She could feel stubble there on his cheek, strong, wiry, and yet soft. This whole situation was getting too heavy for her.

 

"Would you hold me for a night, Sivanna?" he rumbled softly, his accent thick with emotion.

 

"Hold you? Vilkas... you've had much to drink and you aren't thinking as yourself." she said as she began to panic.

 

"Then will you hold me now? We don't have to bed each other. I only want you to know what it's like to have someone's arms around you, and not need to worry for once."

 

She was shocked, how could he be so much the alpha one moment and so much a man the next? Before Sivanna could respond, Vilkas pulled her arm so that she fell into him. His arms wrapped around her and his head leaned against her own. Sivanna blushed hard and her skin felt hot, _what am I to do?_ She asked her wolf desperately, but there was no answer from the wolf. Instead she remembered Aela's words _You are the lowest ranking member in the pack, if we tell you to do something, you do it._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to work on this and an original story of my own, so here pretty soon the chapter postings might not be as often. Don't worry though, I've got at least ten more chapters written to post for you :)
> 
>  


	12. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna has a chilling nightmare. The twins have two very different ways of trying to help her cope.

 

**Nightmare**

 

Sivanna's beast sniffed the air, the crisp sweet scent of a forest morning filled her nose and she lolled her tongue in blissful pleasure. A fox ran by, and she darted after it. The little vixen ran through the brush just ahead. Her beast ran harder, not wanting to lose chase, yet when she got through the bushes she was no longer in the forest, she was back in Dawnstar next to the smelter that had burned her hands and feet as a child. Confusion spread through her as Arnbjorn stepped around the smelter, smiling.

 

"You won't hurt me," he said mockingly, "I trust you."

 

His face started to melt away, showing wet red flesh that his skin had hid. He was tearing at his face and suddenly it was not the face of a human, it was a wolf. He was huge and gruesome, spittle dribbling from his open jaws as he stalked toward Sivanna. She turned and ran, arrows flying past her head and grazing her sides. Sivanna made the mistake of looking back, and saw Aela readying her next arrow.

 

"Never look away from your target!" Aela yelled as she let the next arrow fly. Skjor was on the ground beside his mate, changing into a hideous beast. His fur was the color of old spider webs and the scar that marred his face had grown even longer and more grotesque. Sivanna ran faster, she would not be caught by that... thing. Her elongated legs burned and she started to feel as though she were slowing. She made a turn too sharp and tumbled down a snowy slope, only to land in the woods overlooking Whiterun. Bone chilling howls filled the air and the darkness grew thick around her. There were sounds of snapping twigs and growling and just then Vilkas appeared, with his stormy eyes. Yet something was amiss, he was stuck in between a wolf and a man, coarse hair covered his body and his limbs bent at awkward angles. His face was a horrifying site, where lips should have been there was a long muzzle with jagged bloody teeth, and no cheek or skin covered his mouth. Blue gray eyes blazed at her from their sunken sockets.

 

"I saved your life!", he growled. Vilkas's voice was distorted and heavy, more like an animal growling than a man speaking, it no longer had the accent that she had become used to. Sivanna tried to back away, but a tree blocked her path, and she was no longer the wolf. Her nakedness scared her even more, in this form she no longer had her speed or her teeth and claws.

 

"Something the matter Sivanna? I thought you said I was handsome?", Vilkas mocked. Laughter barked from his throat, as he grabbed for her shoulder.

 

"No!", she screamed.

 

"Sivanna! Sivanna! Wake up! You're only dreaming!"

 

She startled awake, breathing hard. A sheen of sweat covered her body and her heart beat too fast. Farkas was above her, a hand on her shoulder and a look of grave concern on his face.

 

"What is the matter?", he asked quietly.

 

"I...I don't know.", she shuddered.

 

"If it is only the dream that ails you, you will be just fine, I used to get night terrors. I have even hit Vilkas when he was trying to wake me.", Farkas told her encouragingly.

 

"Thank you, Farkas." Sivanna managed.

 

He looked her over, "I think a nice hot bath will do you good, I'll go help Tilma heat some water for you." He turned to leave, and stopped. "Will you be alright until I get back?"

 

Sivanna nodded.

 

"Good, I'll make haste then." And with that he left, and Sivanna was alone in her bed. _What is wrong with me?_ She wondered. _Just when I think I'm safe..._ Her body was shivering, still in shock from her nightmare when Vilkas entered the room.

 

"Time to get up, we have a hunting trip." He said. Sivanna stared at him, _he does not look anything like that beast from my dream..._

 

"What is it?" Vilkas asked, feeling his face to check for something that might make her stare.

 

"N...nothing.", she shivered again.

 

Vilkas walked closer, his face showing his confusion clearly. He tried to lay the back of his hand against her forehead but she flinched away. Eyes wide, searching for an escape.

 

"Whoa there," he said stepping back to give her room, "I was only going to see if you were fevered. What has happened? Are you ill? Did you eat something foul?"

 

"No, I..." she struggled with herself, "It was a nightmare."

 

Vilkas's face softened, "Ahh, well we can wait until you are ready to leave for the hunting trip. But it would be best if we could leave sometime in this day."

 

"Thanks.", Sivanna said.

 

"Well I can't have you all jumpy out in the woods, you'll scare off everything with the fear scent you emit."

 

 _And like that,_ Sivanna thought, _he's back to his cold normal self._ Vilkas gave her a curt nod and left the room. She could not shake her nightmare, it would haunt her for all of her days... _Gods,_ Sivanna prayed silently, _help me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely one of my favorite chapters. It's my first attempt at a horror scene/nightmare, I hope it was believable.


	13. Plagued By Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna can't seem to keep out of trouble.

 

**Plagued By Trouble**

 

 _Clop clack, clack clop._ The horses hooves beat a steady rhythm as Sivanna and Vilkas made their way along the road leading away from Whiterun. The sun had started to peek over the mountains to the east, and already Vilkas and Sivanna were heading out. There were said to be prides of snow sabre cats causing trouble near Morthal, and The Companions had been called in for help. Kodlak had asked for Vilkas to take Sivanna and handle the cats without trouble and bring back their furs. Sivanna understood that she was being tested, yet that made her even more uneasy. She was still shaken from her nightmare, and being around Vilkas was always worrisome. He was just too unpredictable, wild... Either way, this was sure to be a disaster.

 

"Are you content with staying far behind, or wouldn't you rather pick up speed so we can get this over with?" Vilkas asked, sounding annoyed.

 

"Why do we need horses?", Sivanna asked, "We're wolves, we can run much faster than these... things."

 

Vilkas sighed, "It would raise questions if we arrived on foot faster than a man on his steed. And, we have to carry back the fur of at least three sabre cats. As wolves the fur might slow us down, or we may tear them."

 

Sivanna snorted, "Well can I walk then? I do not feel comfortable up here."

 

"As you wish, but don't fall behind, I wait for no milk drinker." He drew his heels into his horse and went on ahead.

 

Sivanna's beast whined softly, in either form there was a problem with Vilkas. As the wolf, Sivanna was afraid that he would feel the need to dominate her and keep her at the bottom of the pack, and as a human she feared that he might banish her. Even if he did neither of these things, he had a sharp tongue. _I wonder if he even knows how he hurts others?_ Sivanna thought to herself.

 

She pulled on the reins so the horse would stop, and hopped off. The big brown horse shook itself, clearly happy to be rid of her. _I guess I will wait until we are out of sight, and then shift so we can keep up._ Sivanna told her beast. Vilkas was getting farther ahead, but Sivanna did not enjoy riding. This was her first time riding a horse, and she hated it. The filly had no love for her either, which made things even worse. _Just another thing for Vilkas to rub my nose in,_ she thought. The beast flashed a memory in her head, it was the alpha pushing another wolf to the ground by the back of its neck. _That makes things much better!_ Sivanna thought sarcastically to her beast.

 

She eyed the horse, "I do not really like you, and I'm sure you like me not, but better you let me ride you than have my wolf snapping at your hooves." She bent her legs and jumped awkwardly onto the filly. After quite a bit of struggling, Sivanna situated herself into place. The horse neighed, clearly displeased.

 

"You're just going to have to get used to it, neither of us has a choice." Sivanna told the filly.

 

It snorted and began trotting to where Vilkas and his horse had stopped to wait for them. It was not that riding was hard, the filly knew what to do. Sivanna wasn't used to traveling on the back of another animal. She did not need a ride, she could walk herself. Horses were only animals that humans used to haul their belongings.

 

"Decided to ride after all? Good, for a moment there I thought I would have to pull your reins for you." Vilkas said as he turned his horse back to the road and continued onward. Sivanna said nothing, _Maybe if I never talk back, it will be easier to be around him._ She thought to herself.

 

For a long while they rode in silence, only stopping to relieve themselves. They ate dried fruits and seared slaughterfish from packs that Tilma had tied to their saddles. The silence was nice, and every so often a farmer or two would pass by going to either Windhelm or Solitude to join the war. Once, a whole khajiit caravan passed by. Sivanna had never seen the cat people of Elesweyr, and they fascinated her. Some had long fur and some had short, some looked like fearsome wild cats and others looked more like the smaller ones that ran the streets in some cities. Vilkas paid them no mind as he passed, so Sivanna had no choice but to keep going. She wished she could stop and learn more about them, _maybe someday I will get the chance..._

 

It was sometime later when Vilkas spoke again. "We will stop for the night.", He told Sivanna as he slid off of his horse.

 

She looked at the sky, the sun was still high above them. "It's just past midday, why are we stopping?", she asked.

 

"There's a storm coming, and a nasty one at that. Do you not feel it? Your beast can tell you these things if you let it."

 

Sivanna was confused, "But my beast has been quiet for most of the day, she has not stirred since this morning."

 

Vilkas looked at her, "Aye, she knows what is coming. Now come on, I do not wish to be caught out in this weather." He led her away from the road to a place where three giant boulders stood leaning against one another. Underneath them there was room for the two companions, their horses, and a fire. Sivanna tied her horse to a nearby pine tree and began to unpack the bedroll from her saddle.

 

"I will go gather wood for a fire.", Vilkas said over his shoulder, "And you will set up the camp while I'm out."

 

"As you will.", Sivanna replied as he went into the woods. She watched him go, still wondering why she agreed to stay in Whiterun in the first place. Fresh food and a place to rest her head were a comfort she would not pass up easily, but she had no idea the price would be so steep. Either live in the wild, or deal with Vilkas. He had turned her into a wolf and changed her life forever, and it did not seem to bother him in the least that she had to come find him. Ten long winters and he had stayed in Whiterun, never even giving her a second thought, not that she needed him to think about her... yet it would have been nice to have been guided through her first shift.

 

Sivanna sighed and continued to set up the camp, removing rocks and sticks from where she and her alpha would be sleeping and clearing a place for the fire. When she had everything just so, she left the small cave to sit on a stump near the road. Sivanna could see that the path they were taking would lead them through the mountains, and she knew what mountains meant; danger. There were trolls and bears and all sorts of things in the mountains, not to mention the ice storms. Sivanna looked back the way they had come, the road was empty. _Something is not right..._ The forest was quiet, the birds had stopped singing and she could not even hear any insects rustling in the leaves. The hair on the back of her neck began to rise. The air was getting thicker, almost choking her. Sivanna stood up slowly and began to walk back toward the camp. She could see the horses now, their eyes wide and their reigns pulled tight against the pine tree they were tied to. Carefully pulling the bow from her back, she grabbed an arrow from her quiver. Something was rustling in the bushes not far from the cave. Sivanna readied her arrow and took a deep breath. The rustling stopped and for what seemed like an eternity nothing happened, but then a bear came rushing out at her. Sivanna let loose her arrow, but it missed.

 

"Shit!", she exclaimed as she reached for another arrow. The bear was roaring at her as it ran. Large yellow fangs gleamed at her from it's gaping jaws. Sivanna's hands began to tremble, every time she ever encountered anything dangerous she had run, but there was no time now. She pulled the bow string back and let her next arrow fly. It caught the beast in the shoulder, but the animal did not slow down. It only roared louder. The bear was close now, too close. Only a second or two more and it would be on top of her.

 

 _Crack!_ The bear sat dazed for a moment before it realized what had happened. A large piece of wood lay beside the bear and blood was starting to trickle down the side of it's head. Sivanna turned to see Vilkas standing near the bushes the bear had come from, with a pile of wood at his feet.

 

"Oi!", he yelled, "You overgrown skeever, come and get it!" He threw another log and hit the angry beast in the head once more. It shook itself roaring, and ran at him. Vilkas growled angrily and picked up a large branch from his pile and held it like a sword. The bear leaped at him and before Sivanna could even scream, Vilkas had swung the branch and brought the beast to the ground. Sivanna watched as he raised the branch high and sent it down on the bear's head with amazing strength. Vilkas continued to hammer the branch into the bear until at last the makeshift weapon broke and the bear moved no more. He dropped the broken branch and stood over the lifeless animal panting and covered in blood. Sivanna was too afraid to move. _I should be dead..._

 

"Trouble." Vilkas panted, "You are plagued with trouble." He bent himself and put his hands on his knees, "Did it hurt you?" he asked.

 

"N-no.", she managed.

 

"Good, then come over here and help me. We will need this fur.", Vilkas pulled an iron dagger from it's sheath at his side and held it out to her. He was still panting when she began to walk over to him.

 

"Come on now,", he said,"The storm will be here any minute and I'd like to wash the blood off of this bear skin before it comes."

 

Sivanna took the dagger,"Thank you.", she whispered.

 

Vilkas cocked his head at her,"What did you say?"

 

Sivanna squirmed, "I-I said...thank you."

 

For a moment he just stood there looking at her. She could not tell what he was thinking, but for once, he wore no scowl on his face.

 


	14. The Overcoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna struggles to dominate her beast, with a little help from her alpha.

 

**The Overcoming**

 

The two wolves spent a long time skinning the bear, it was messy and hard. Vilkas told Sivanna it was important for her to know the proper way to skin an animal in case she got stranded or needed some quick coin. The fur was clean, yet it would be days before it was dry enough to use. So instead Vilkas strung it up, hanging it between two small trees. He told her they would fetch it on the way home. Vilkas reminded her about the ice storm quickly approaching, so they were bedding early. They unpacked the bedrolls that Tilma had sent. It was a strange thing, lying so close to him. The beds were barely three feet apart, since both Sivanna and Vilkas tried to sleep as close to the warm embers as they could. The horses reins were tied to a large rock that stood erect at the back of their cave.

 

"Are you certain the horses cannot get loose?", Sivanna asked. She was worried that when the storm came, the horses might startle and trample her and the alpha. A horse had kicked her as a child in the Dawnstar stables, and she did not wish to feel it again.

 

Vilkas rolled his eyes,"Do you fear everything? You are a companion, and a member of the werewolf pack of Whiterun! It is high time you proved your worth, and you cannot do that by acting the craven."

 

Sivanna huffed but said nothing more about the horses, "Are you going to shift first or am I?"

 

"Shift? There will be no shifting. Others could happen upon our camp and wish to warm themselves by the fire, if they saw wolves they would surely attack." Vilkas grumbled as he began to remove his armor piece by piece. The heavy metal made clanking noises as he set them next to his bed. She watched him work, he took great care with all his armor and weapons just as a warrior would. Sivanna was no warrior, and yet neither was she a craven, she was a beast. A wolf, for ten winters now. It had been so long, she had forgotten what life had been like before her turning. She _never_ slept in the woods as a human.

 

"I have never slept without shifting.", she said stubbornly as she sit on the furs that were her bed. Her alpha turned to glare at her, "You will do as I say, _new blood_." For a moment, Sivanna stared into his eyes defiantly. Yet when they started to bleed into a bright amber, she turned her head. "That's better," Vilkas told her. "Wouldn't be right of you to think you could go against my word."

 

"If it please you, I'll sit watch then.", Sivanna said.

 

"As you will.", Vilkas mumbled, already turning over under his furs. _Is it always to be this way?_ Sivanna wondered. _Am I cursed to be under his rule for the rest of my life?_ It would seem so, the gods had no mind to change for her just yet. She sighed, and turned her gaze to the cave entrance. It had been a long day, the two wolves had fought for most of it, and when they were not fighting, a bear had been attacking them. _He can't hate me_ , she told her beast, _If that were so he could have let the bear tear me apart, yet he did no such thing._ He had saved her, but why? He held no love for her, did pack law require that he protect her? Sivanna turned back to the man from her nightmares, surely he couldn't be so bad. Vilkas was lying on his side with his back to her when the beast inside her stirred. The wolf remembered his scent; cloves and musk. She wanted to be closer to her alpha. _Have you gone mad? He's callous and cold, what reason have you to wish to be closer to him?_ Sivanna asked her wolf. The beast showed her a memory, it was her and a pack of wild wolves. Their bodies draped over each other as they slept, their fur blending into a giant pile of warmth. Sivanna had to admit, the closeness of those nights was a comfort she missed.

 

"What's this...", Vilkas paused in shock, "Are you feeling ill?"

 

Sivanna's beast had taken control of her. She had an arm on either side of Vilkas, and her body, although not straddling him, was quite close to his. Sivanna had pulled the furs off of her alpha, and found that no shirt covered his chest. He turned over onto his back and she bent down with closed eyes and inhaled the scent of him deeply. It was so sweet...

 

"Sivanna..." His breath puffed against her hair that was spilling between their faces. Her eyes had shifted to yellow and her sight was much better. She could see the heartbeat in the veins of his neck, slow and steady. Vilkas put his arms against her shoulders and began to push her away. A growl escaped her lips, and he stopped."Sivanna you must quiet this strange behavior." Comprehension washed over Vilkas's face as he moved the hair from between them. "If you cannot gain control of your beast, I will to do it for you.", he warned.

 

That caught her attention, she shoved herself off of him. She fought with the wolf, though it gave up rather quickly. Her beast was already satisfied, she got what she had wanted. "F-forgive me! My wolf... she knows not the way of humans!" she told Vilkas desperately. Sivanna was sure that her face shown scarlet in the dim light. Vilkas propped himself on his elbows and watched her for a moment before asking, "What is it that your beast was wanting?" His face was careful, unreadable. _What is he thinking? What will happen now? Oh what have you done?_ She yelled at her wolf.

 

Sivanna lowered her head in submission, not able to meet his eyes as she whispered, "Your scent..."

 

He nodded, "Come hither." Sivanna cocked her head. "I said come here!" Startled, she crawled toward him. The alpha sat up, reached for her arm, and pulled her close until their faces were only a hand's length apart. His eyes flashed amber for a moment, and then it was gone. "Your wolf is strong, and so are you... yet your weak will holds you back. Were you afraid that I would punish you?"

 

Sivanna only stared at him. "The wolf is part of who you are now, but you have to keep yourself in balance. If not, you will be devoured by your own beast. You had no control until she got what she wanted, is that not so?" Sivanna was shocked, _could_ the beast imprison her... forever?

 

"What does your beast wish to do now?", He asked.

 

She thought about it, silently hoping the wolf was content for the night. Of course, that was not what the beast had in mind. "She... she wants to sleep as the wolves do..."  


"I have already forbidden it.", he said irritably.

 

"No, she wants...", Sivanna could not bring herself to finish.

 

"To sleep next to one another?", Vilkas asked.

 

Sivanna only nodded. Never had she been more embarrassed.

 

"What will you do then?"

 

Sivanna was not sure, should she ask to sleep next to Vilkas and please the wolf? Or should she go back to her own bedroll and ignore the beast.

 

"I-I am unsure. What should I do, Vilkas?", she asked desperately. "I do not want to be lost to the wolf."

 

"Do what _you_ want. You must be the alpha of your own wolf, otherwise this battle is already lost.", He told her. Sivanna searched his face, there were no other answers there. _What do I want?_ Vilkas let go of Sivanna's arm, but kept his eyes fixed on her. Slowly, she crawled back to her bed and settled in. She made sure her back was turned to the alpha, and just before her eyes closed, she saw the first snowflake fall.

 


	15. The First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna has her first encounter with alcohol, and Vilkas shows a slightly softer side of himself.

 

**The First**

 

" _Arooooo!"_ Sivanna howled as she ran. Her muscles stretched as she darted through the snow. Flakes still fell from the sky, and Sivanna would playfully pounce on each that landed near her. The ice storm had gone on throughout the night and now the snow was deep enough that she and Vilkas had to hunt as wolves for food. Most of their firewood had been burned during the night and her alpha advised that the two should try to save as much as they could, so wolves they would be. She had not been this happy for some time now, it was always nice to be the wolf. As the wolf her world was boundless, Sivanna had all she could need and was wanting for nothing... until now.

 

Vilkas sat with his tail wrapped around him, covering his paws from the chill. Sivanna was aware of his stare as she ran about, yet as the wolf she was not worried. Sivanna barked happily as she ran to her alpha, sliding to a stop right before his paws and slinging snow onto his muzzle. Sivanna yipped at him, with her head low, her tail high and wagging. He shook the snow from his head and huffed before lifting himself to wander away.

 

Sivanna's beast was not so easily discouraged, she ran in front of the larger wolf to cut him off and growled playfully. The alpha looked down at her and snarled, it scared Sivanna, but her wolf was beginning to get frustrated. The beast turned so her side was in front of him and lowered her head, snarling back at the alpha. _What has gotten into you?_ Sivanna screamed at the wolf, _He will kill us! Or throw us out of the pack!_ Her wolf paid no mind, as she paced before Vilkas. _Oh no, you have angered him!_ Vilkas jumped onto her side. Sivanna's beast whipped her head to bite the larger wolf, but she lacked the reach. She struggled beneath him as she tried to escape, but his weight was too much. Vilkas's jaws closed around her leg, making her whine and growl harder as she grabbed his muzzle with her teeth. He jumped in shock and she used her bought time to stand her ground. Small amounts of blood dripped from her leg and Vilkas's jaw. 

 

The alpha glared into Sivanna's eyes, and her beast growled again. His hackles were rising and spittle started to drip from his mouth, mixing with the blood in the snow. Sivanna could see his muscles bunching for another attack, but this time her wolf was ready. He leaped at her, Sivanna darted out of his path and caught his tail in her jaws. Vilkas yowled and whipped himself sideways, pulling Sivanna off balance. He stood on his hind legs and pushed her down with his front paws, putting his jaws around her neck hard enough that she could not breathe. He growled at Sivanna, and she could feel the fangs beginning to cut into her skin. _Submit!_ Sivanna pleaded desperately to her wolf, _Would you rather we die?_ Reluctantly, her beast went limp and whimpered at her alpha.

 

After a long few moments, Vilkas released her. Sivanna knew he was still angry, she could smell it, so she stayed on the ground where she lay. Vilkas barked and growled at her, scolding her for being so naive. Sivanna rolled onto her back and averted her eyes. The alpha growled a bit more before he turned and left. The wound on her leg was starting to sting, so she licked off the blood, cleaning it as best she could. There was nothing to do about the small puncture wounds on her neck, she couldn't reach them. All Sivanna could do was hope they didn't get infected before she shifted back.

 

Vilkas was no longer in the clearing, so Sivanna decided to head back to the cave. She felt humiliated and scared,  _We have probably been exiled from the pack..._ Sivanna thought to herself.  _Where will we go now?_ She did not want to leave, there had to be a way to make amends. Sivanna was limping, her front leg lifted so as not to put pressure on her wounds. It took her some time to finally return to the camp, and still VIlkas was nowhere to be seen. Sivanna entered the cave and lay on her bedroll, cleaning her scratches again. She decided that she would just sleep, and wait for whatever came next.

 

When Sivanna awoke, she could smell the sweet scent of wine. She opened her eyes and saw Vilkas tilting a wine barrel over the fire. He wore linen britches and a linen tunic, it must have been what he wore under his armor. He had four long scratches from just below his left eye to the side of his nose, where her teeth had cut him. The scratches did not seem to be very deep, but they might scar if he didn't treat them. Sivanna sat up and whined, her leg was sore and it had bled while she had slept.

 

"Shift, I need your help with this.", Vilkas told her as she licked her wound. Sivanna did not dare disobey, not after what had transpired earlier. She stood and stretched her muscles before changing, it seemed to help with the pain some, yet her front leg disagreed. Sivanna's fur receded and she shrank back into her human body, taking care to shift her leg as slowly as she could. When at last she had turned, she hurriedly slipped on a tunic and britches of her own.

 

"Now then, come here and turn the barrel while I hold it steady.", said Vilkas.

 

She came to him, grabbing the barrel and turning it slowly around the fire. It was heavy, and the effort sent what felt like lightning her right arm, where Vilkas had bitten her. It looked awful, her skin had deep cuts from his teeth all across her forearm. Blood still oozed from her as she pushed the barrel along.

 

"What are we doing?",Sivanna asked.

 

"Thawing wine.", Vilkas grumbled as he held the weight of it. They continued to push it in a circle over the hot flame for a while before either of them spoke again.

 

"That should do. Step back, I will handle it." Vilkas said as he set the barrel upright. Sivanna sat down on her bedroll and watched the alpha. He went to his horse and untied a mug from the saddle. Vilkas returned to his prize and found the cork that held the sweet smelling liquid back.

 

"Where ever did you find a wine barrel?", Sivanna asked.

 

"Hidden under a hollowed log, whoever left it there won't be finding it again." He pulled the cork and the red liquid spilled into his tankard. With the wine out of it's case, the scent was much stronger. It was a heady scent that tickled Sivanna's nose. She had never drank wine, or mead for that matter. Sivanna only ever had water and it had always been enough for her.

 

Vilkas took a drink before turning to Sivanna, "We need to talk about what happened out there."

 

Sivanna held her wounded arm to her chest and looked at the ground "Can it wait?", she whispered.

 

"What reason have I to wait?", Vilkas asked.

 

Sivanna bit her lip, tears forming in her eyes. "I wish to wait, for a little. Please?"

 

She could feel him staring, yet he said nothing. Vilkas downed his mug, never taking his eyes from her. He refilled the tankard and sat beside her, "You'll attract beasts with that." he gestured to her arm, "Let me see it." Sivanna hesitantly put her hand in his, he looked it over and lifted the wine above it.

 

She jerked her hand away, "It will burn me!" She exclaimed worriedly.

 

Vilkas cursed, "You've made me spill it! Aagh, it'll only hurt for a little."

 

Sivanna cradled her arm, she knew that the wine would feel like hornets in her veins. "I have no need for it."

 

"If you are that worried, then here," Vilkas shoved the mug into her left hand. "Drink."

 

"I... ", Sivanna started.

 

"I said drink!" Vilkas commanded.

 

Sivanna took a sip, not quite as sweet as it smelled... it had a strange taste; as if the grapes were steeped with nettle thorns. A mild fire crept down her throat as she swallowed, causing her to cough. She felt the burn creep all the way into her stomach, it was an odd sensation. She took another sip, and again the fire settled in her belly.

 

"All of it." Vilkas told her.

 

Sivanna looked at the tankard, it was very large. She could sip, but she did not want to prolong the feeling of flames in her throat. Sivanna tilted the mug to her lips and drank it in. The taste made it hard, but she finished the drink and set the empty tankard next to Vilkas. Fire filled her stomach now, and her face was starting to feel warm.

 

Vilkas grabbed the empty mug and walked back to his saddle, untying another tankard. He filled them both and returned to his spot beside Sivanna. He handed her a drink as he sat himself, "Have a bit more." She did, the taste seemed to fade as she drank. The fire had spread throughout her body, making her warm and giddy.

 

After she had nearly finished her wine, Vilkas asked, "Let me see your arm."

 

Sivanna was unafraid now, she gave him her hand and watched as he began to pour the liquid over the bloody wounds. The pain was slight, yet she could still feel it. Vilkas emptied his tankard over her arm, and the wine dripped onto the bedroll. "Oh nooo.", Sivanna giggled.

 

"Don't fret, I have other furs for you to use tonight." Vilkas told her as he lifted his wrist to his mouth. Sivanna watched as he bit his sleeve and pulled his arm away, tearing the cloth from the tunic. "This will should keep your scratches from becoming infected." Once again Vilkas took her hand, but this time he wrapped the torn sleeve around her forearm and tied it.

 

"Thank you.", Sivanna said, smiling broadly.

 

Her alpha looked from her to the nearly empty mug, "That should be enough for you."

 

Sivanna clutched the wine to her chest and turned, "No, I like it! I want some more."

 

Vilkas shot her a look, but said no more. He merely finished his tankard and rose to refill it. Sivanna downed the drink and said happily, "I'll have another!"

 

"As you will.", Vilkas said, "But you can fetch it yourself."

 

"Alright then!" Sivanna stood too quickly, and swayed slightly. "Oh." She righted herself and staggered over to the barrel. Vilkas pulled the cork for her, and Sivanna filled her mug.

 

"I think I will sit here.", she said as she slid down the barrel. The world seemed so slow, she felt as if she could do anything! It was almost as good as being the wolf, yet as the wolf she had much better balance.

 

"How is your neck?", Vilkas asked as he sat on his bedroll.

 

Sivanna lifted her hand to her neck, she could feel where his teeth had grazed the skin. It was sticky with blood, but he must not have gone too deep since Sivanna was still breathing. "It's got blood on it.", she told him.

 

"Aye. Does it hurt?", He asked.

 

"I cannot feel it.", she replied.

 

Vilkas nodded, "Lie down."

 

"Wha?", she slurred.

 

Her alpha sighed and came to her, "Lie down."

 

"What are we doing?", she asked.

 

Sivanna's heartbeat sped as he put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her down slowly. He took the collar of her tunic in his hand and pulled it away from her neck. "Are we...", Sivanna started. Her face reddened harder and she looked away from Vilkas, giggling.

 

"What?", he asked. His accent sent a chill down her spine and she rocked onto her side toward Vilkas. Sivanna wanted to scuffle and romp with him. She reached for his arm, and he took her hand and held it to the ground. "Sivanna, hold still."

 

She snickered, "You did it again."

 

Vilkas cocked his head at her, "Again? I have done nothing _again_."

 

"You called me Sivanna.", she said.

 

"Is it not your name?", Vilkas asked.

 

"Yes, I like the way you say it.", she smiled. "Sivannaa.", she purred to him. He still held her arm, so there was nowhere to go but closer to her alpha. She rolled onto his lap and hugged him, "Vilkas The Big Bad Wolf!"

 

"Whoa.", Vilkas pried her arms off and rolled her onto her back. "Lie down and stay there." Sivanna's tunic had shifted, so he pulled it away from her neck once more. Vilkas snatched his mug from beside the barrel and tipped it over her neck. Cold wine spilled over her, causing a shiver. "It's freezing!" she told him.

 

"Aye." Vilkas replied. He began to rub her neck gently, removing the blood and cleaning the cuts. Sivanna's beast stirred, she was being touched by an alpha, _her_ alpha. To the wolf, there was one thing in the pack that she should strive for; alpha female. An alpha male would choose his mate from the females in his pack, and Sivanna was in _this_ pack. Her alpha had no mate, yet he was touching _her_. She watched him as he worked, and when he left to clean his hands in the snow she sat up and scented the air. She could smell her alpha, the wine, her blood, and other less pleasant smells such as the horses and the bear skin.

 

"Now that you are all taken care of, I will have some for myself." ,Vilkas said as he sat down beside the barrel. He drank two mugs before speaking again, "You have been feeling quite courageous today."

 

"Yes, I... am ready to talk about what happened now.", she said.

 

"Is that so?", Vilkas raised his eyebrows. "Well then, what have you to say for yourself?"

 

"I wanted to play." Sivanna pouted. "Can it be so awful for you to be around the _whelp_ that you cannot play?"

 

Vilkas chuckled, "Is that what you wish to say?"

 

"Yes." Sivanna replied.

 

He looked at her, "What would you have told me earlier, if I had asked?"

 

Sivanna looked down at her arm, "I would have pleaded with you not to make me leave..."

 

Vilkas nodded, "As I thought." He sighed."Sivanna, you were not born for the bottom of the pack. Your wolf knows that, and so do I..."

 

Not having heard most of what Vilkas had said, she replied, "My wolf knows lots of things! Sometimes I wonder if I should just let her do some of the hard things _for_ me. I know she wants to, she wants _you_... but I have never done that."

 

"Never done what?" Vilkas asked.

 

"Bedded anyone.", she giggled. Vilkas said nothing. "My beast is much more brave than I. She wants to do those things with _you_ , but I am unsure. I think I should just let her take over sometimes.", Sivanna mused.

 

Vilkas glanced at the fire, "We need more wood, I will be back shortly." He got up to leave, and walked briskly past Sivanna.

 

"H-hold on!", Sivanna started. She stood and wobbled after him, he was just at the entrance of the cave. Sivanna reached for him as he was walking away, she tripped and began to fall. Just before Sivanna thought she would hit the ground, Vilkas caught her. Lifting her back onto her feet, he started to leave again. "Wait...", Sivanna said quietly as she took his hand. The alpha turned back to look at her. Neither of them said anything for a moment, and Sivanna almost let go. Yet just before she did, Vilkas took her face in his hands and kissed her. Vilkas tasted of wine, and cloves. His kiss was hard at first, rough in a very Vilkas kind of way, yet when Sivanna wrapped her arms around him and kissed back, he softened. Sivanna marveled at his mouth, all she had ever known it to be capable of was scowling and spilling harsh words, yet now she learned that he had lover's lips and they were much better at kissing than scowling. The two werewolves seemed to melt in each others arms, it was as if they had both been holding their breath until that moment, and now they could finally breathe.

 

"I'm sorry.", Vilkas rumbled against her lips, "I've always been sorry."

 

Sivanna smiled, and he bit her lip gently. Vilkas rubbed his cheek against hers, Sivanna felt the world begin to tip and then it went black.

 


	16. To Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna awakens and can't quite recall what had happened before she slept. Vilkas is being cold and distant.

 

**To Wonder**

 

The sound of a horse whinnying woke Sivanna, and she opened her eyes to see the filly staring at her accusingly from the back of the cave. "What?", Sivanna asked groggily. The horse shook its mane and whinnied again. Sivanna looked around her, Vilkas was not in the cave. She sat up and yipped with surprise, she was nude! Sivanna pulled the fur closer to cover herself, and realized that she was not in her bedroll. She was in Vilkas's bedroll! _What happened in the night?_ She wondered. Then the memories came rushing back; the fight in the snow, drinking the from the wine barrel, Vilkas cleaning and dressing her wounds... and the kiss.

 

Vilkas had kissed her and then... what? Sivanna could not recall, she remembered everything before that moment, yet there was nothing more. Why had he kissed her in the first place? The alpha seemed as though he could not stand to be around Sivanna, so why would he embrace her? She looked about the cave, searching for her tunic and britches. They were nowhere to be found, so she wrapped the bedroll around herself and walked to the cave entrance.

 

The snow had stopped falling from the sky, and Sivanna could see tracks leading from the cave. It must have been her alpha that made them, since not far from where she stood the footprints turned into large paw-prints. _He must have gone hunting,_ she thought. That was not so strange, yet she still wondered what had happened the night before. A chill swept down her spine, perhaps they... No, they didn't... did they? Was it possible that they had _bedded_ each other? Indeed it was, why else would she wake nude in _his_ bedroll? Sivanna was covered in his scent, and strangely she did not mind. She enjoyed the smell of him, but she was worried about why it was there. _He and I... mated?_ Sivanna felt light headed, she fell to her knees in the snow.

 

She heard a huff and looked up only to see Vilkas standing before her. Sivanna had never seen him as a wolf with her human eyes, he was beautiful and frightening. She could see his lean muscles and long claws, and she knew his fangs were as long as her fingers. Vilkas was tall enough on all four that his head would be up to her shoulder, and yet she was not afraid. The alpha did not look angry, his black fur was fluffed against the cold, and his paws were white with snow. Sivanna had never felt the fur of a wolf with her hands, and she wanted to feel his. She had forgotten what had her so worried as she walked toward Vilkas with her arm stretched out. He watched her, unmoving as she came to him. The cuts her teeth had made on his muzzle still had fresh blood on them, the change must have reopened his wound. Sivanna reached for him and hesitated, he cocked his head at her and rumbled.

 

She let her hand drop as he braced his legs and began to change back into his human body. It was an amazing sight, she had never watched anyone change before. It looked as though his bones were breaking, and his fur receded at his hands and feet before the rest of his body. She watched his claws retract and be replaced with fingers and toes, and his ears moved back down to the side of his head. After it was over, he knelt on all four panting. Sivanna knew that if one shifted too fast it hurt much more and the body felt tired, he must have pushed himself to shift faster. Not remembering that she was nude, she draped the bedroll over him.

 

"We need to get packed and leave.", he panted.

 

"Is something the matter?", Sivanna asked.

 

Vilkas glanced at her and turned away, "You are nude, and we should have been back from this trip two days ago."

 

Sivanna reddened, "Vilkas?"

 

Her alpha looked at her, "There's no time." He stood and shoved the bedroll into her hands. Vilkas walked back to their cave, wearing nothing. Sivanna squirmed, yet she could not help but watch him. The alpha was strong, she knew that if he ever chose to hold her, she would no longer need to fear. Yet Sivanna also knew that he only wanted to hold someone after he had drank his share of wine or mead. _Did we truly?_ She wondered. Sivanna was very bothered by the situation, if they had bedded each other, then why was he so... cold still? Should he not be like a lover to her now? She sighed, maybe that was all he had wanted.

 

"Are you coming or not?", Vilkas said as he emerged from the cave. He was tightening the latches on his armor as he walked to her. Sivanna froze, she did not know how to _be_ around him anymore. _What should I do?_ She asked her beast. The beast snorted and a memory flashed, it was a wolf licking the muzzle of its mate. _You think I should kiss him?_ Her wolf sat in her head, waiting. Sivanna knew this was a losing battle, her wolf was against her and so was the alpha.

 

"Did you not hear me?", Vilkas asked irritably. He was standing before her now, staring impatiently. Sivanna looked up to his face, the scowl had returned. Her wolf whined, wanting her to hurry before the moment was gone. She threw her arms around him and pressed her lips against his. His body stiffened in her embrace, and she kissed him harder. He began to kiss back, but then she felt his arms grab her shoulders and push her away.

 

"I said, there is no time.", Vilkas told her. He took her hand and walked briskly back into the cave. "Get your things and mount your horse, it is time to leave." She handed him his furs and he bundled it into a roll, tying it to his saddle. Sivanna watched him pack his things, all the while feeling rejected. _Is there something wrong with me? What is it that I am missing?_ She went to her bedroll and began to bundle it up as Vilkas had.

 

"Are you forgetting something?",Vilkas asked. She turned to look at him, "What?" He tossed her a tunic and some britches, yet they were not hers. Where had she left them? "You are still nude. I highly doubt you wish to ride that way, I am sure it would be... uncomfortable." The scowl never wavered, maybe Sivanna had imagined the last two days?

 

Sivanna slipped on the clothes Vilkas had given her, they smelled of him. That fact only seemed to make things worse. She nodded her head in acknowledgment and continued to pack her things. Everything that Sivanna thought could make a person happy only made things harder for her. Joining a pack should have been the best thing that had ever happened to her, yet she questioned herself about it everyday. Becoming someone's lover should have made her feel complete, yet now all she felt was cold and empty. Tears began to form in her eyes, she fought them back ferociously. Sivanna would not cry in front of him, he would see her as a weakling.

 

 


	17. The Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two wolves set traps for the battle with the cats.

 

**The Cave**

 

After everything had been packed, the two set off once more. They rode all day in without a word between them, Vilkas seemed to enjoy the quiet. Sivanna tried to better the relationship with her horse, in hopes she would forget what had happened between her and the alpha. She had given the filly a name; Brun. Sivanna brushed Brun's mane while they rode, perhaps she _could_ make a friend of the filly. When they would stop to rest, or give the horses water, Sivanna would be sure to share apples with Brun. She was pleased to notice that every time she dismounted, the filly would press her nose into Sivanna's hand. Of course, she knew Brun was only being sweet for the apple, but it was progress.

 

"Can you smell it?", Vilkas asked. He pulled the reins of his horse as it nickered nervously. Brun's ears flicked back and forth, she snorted and took a step back.

 

"Whoa, Brun.", Sivanna soothed. She scented the air, Sivanna could smell the cats. She could not tell how many, but they were definitely close by. "Yes.", she replied.

 

Vilkas looked to her and nodded, patting the neck of his horse. "Now we will finish this and head home." Sivanna followed him onto a path that must have lead to the cats' lair, the scent got stronger with each step. The horses began to spook, so the two had no choice but to dismount and lead them.

 

"Should we not tie them near the road?", Sivanna whispered. "They might attract the cats with the smell of their fear if we take them any farther."

 

"No.", Vilkas answered. "If we tie the horses, they will be unable to escape if the beasts happen upon them. It would be better to let them loose, after we are finished here, a loud whistle will bring them back." Vilkas turned his horse back the way they had come and swatted its backside, sending him trotting away. "Best you don your armor now." he told her as he watched his horse disappear into the trees. Sivanna did as she was told, and after she had her quiver tied to her back and the bow in hand, she swatted Brun and watched her go. It was strange, Brun did not want to leave. The horse kept looking back as she trotted away, and Sivanna was forced to throw a stone at her hooves to keep her from returning.

"Are you ready?", Vilkas asked. Sivanna nodded, although she did not feel ready. Sabre cats were a deadly threat even in her beast body, and now she was going to face them as a human? The thought made her uneasy, but it had to be done. After all, Vilkas had killed a bear with nothing but firewood. The alpha scented the air and headed onward, low to the ground to keep from being seen. Sivanna followed, keeping low and watching the path behind them for trouble. Up ahead was an ancient mountain cave, it was much larger than the cave that the two wolves had shared, and it reeked of cat.

"There it is." Vilkas turned to her. "I will enter first and sneak around leaving traps for the sabres. Once I get to the back of the cave I will make some noise to attract the beasts. Once they have all come after me, follow them in. If a cat makes it passed the traps, shoot it. I am certain that one will slip by both you and the traps, so I will have my sword at the ready."

Sivanna was not so sure, "How do we know the cats are not in the cave?" She sniffed, the smell of cat was blinding her nose. There was no way she could discern the scent of a present cat from that of a cat's stale path.

"We do _not_ know, but if they are here, then this should be over quickly. We should not have a problem either way, there should be no more than three sabres, this will be fast and easy.", Vilkas sounded so sure, but Sivanna's beast was pacing in her head. There was something wrong... or perhaps Sivanna was only nervous?

"Let me come in _with_ you.", she said. Vilkas snorted. "I can keep an eye out while you set up the traps, or I could help you set them. I cannot do much from out here anyway."

He cocked his head at her, "Are you certain?"

"Yes.", she replied.

The alpha nodded, and they crept towards the cave. Vilkas cut two young trees near the entrance and began to drag them inside. The cat scent was almost choking her now, as they entered the lair. She could see four tunnels going into the darkness, each one darker than the last.

"This way," Vilkas whispered gruffly. He led her down what seemed to be the brightest of the tunnels. Holes adorned the roof of the cave, illuminating the tunnel in bright columns. The alpha unshouldered his heavy pack and propped his trees up along the cave wall.

Vilkas glanced at the walls, then the ceiling, "Here, fetch me the twine.", he said, shoving the pack into Sivanna's arms. The alpha began to pull roots loose above them, showering the two wolves with an earthy mess. She found the twine and held it out to him, "What are you doing?", she asked curiously.

"I'm going to fill this tunnel with rubble, it's the most used from the smell and from the draft I felt in the entrance, all the other tunnels cross at some point anyway.", Vilkas replied.

Sivanna was confused. "Then... why block this one off?"

"They will be delayed if they come this way, giving the traps a chance to do their work and you a chance to get the perfect shot."

"Oh.", Sivanna decided he must need his concentration, so she kept quiet and listened for sounds of the claws scraping the earth, or the chuff of breath from a sabre. There was nothing so far. Vilkas' blocked path was nearly done, he had pulled the longest roots so they hung down to the floor and tied twine around each root so that it looked as if there were a large web blocking the tunnel. He had piled rocks and other rubble behind the web so that when a cat made it through, they would need to dig before continuing onward.

Satisfied, Vilkas turned back the way they had come. The alpha hauled his two trees to the next tunnel and beckoned Sivanna forward. "Help me skin this tree.", he said quietly. She pulled the iron dagger from its sheath on her hip and began to cut the branches from the trunk. Vilkas cut the tip from the tree until he hit the thicker, stronger wood. After they had finished, the alpha pulled some rope from his pack and tied it around a huge gnarled root above them. He tested the strength of the root and nodded, turning back to his tree. Vilkas sharpened the end of the newly made weapon and hoisted the heavy trunk from the rope.

"Take the twine and run it from that sharp rock back there. Tuck it loosely under each root it crosses until you reach about three feet from where the tree is now.", Vilkas told her. She trailed the small rope through the roots and brought the end to him. "Now what?", Sivanna asked.

He handed her two iron stakes. They were about two feet long, thick and very sturdy. "Hammer these into the ground on either side of the tunnel. After you get them in securely, trail the line down the side of the wall and tie it to the first stake, pull it tightly to the next and tie it off. Make sure the twine is at least a foot from the ground between the stakes."

Sivanna tried to do as he bid her, but she needed help with the stakes. Vilkas had to hammer them with a hefty rock while Sivanna tied the line and cut off the rest with her dagger. The alpha lifted the tree and walked back to the sharp rock that the twine had been tied to. Sivanna loosely looped her rope behind the rock, making sure the trigger line was crossing underneath.

"Now then, when a cat trips that line," Vilkas gestured to the twine between the stakes, "it will pull on the rock; causing the rope to shift from the weight of the tree until it slams down and into the sabre."

"But, are you sure that when the trigger is tripped the log will fall in time? Will it surely hit the cat?" Sivanna asked.

"Yes, I tied a large rock under the sharp end of the log to make it heavier than the thicker end. That weight will bring the tree down quick enough. Let's go to the next tunnel." He told her as they left, both being careful of the trip twine. The alpha's next trap was to be a hole filled with spikes and brush over the top to hide it. Sivanna skinned the second tree as he dug the hole for the trap. When she had finished, he splintered the young tree into sharp spikes and slamming each into the ground to sturdy them . It took quite some time to get the tree into small enough spikes, and even longer to lodge them into the ground. They covered the hole with the branches that she had shaved from the tree and any other loose roots they could find until it seemed almost solid. Sivanna was starting to worry that the cats would catch them unaware, when the alpha finally said, "It is done, we should head to the heart of the cave and ready ourselves for a fight."

A chill made it's way down Sivanna's spine, something was not right. "Vilkas...", she said nervously.

"Not now, there is no time for your questions. We have work to do.", he said irritably as he walked further into the tunnel. Sivanna had no choice but to follow, yet she could not shake the unease that filled her belly. Sniffing, she noticed that the cat scent was stronger than ever. Her hackles rose on her neck, and she felt a snarl working it's way up her throat. Quickly she clamped her hand over her mouth before a sound was uttered. The beast within was restless and soon it would be fighting for control, she could feel it like a storm in the air.

As they reached the back of the cave, Vilkas turned to her and signaled that she should ready her bow. Sivanna was just tightening the bow's string when she heard it, the growl of an angry sabre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this chapter was so tedious. I'm kind of obsessive compulsive, so I tried to make everything sound as realistic and understandable as I could, but I've never made a trap other than a box with a string attached to a stick when I wanted to catch a rabbit for pet lol I hope it didn't seem boring. And also I'd like to note, yes, Vilkas is cold and distant, but remember that this story is only from the perspective of Sivanna, as of yet we have no idea what is going through his head. So don't worry, eventually you'll learn why he is the way he is, and he'll be the soft cuddly, lovable, smutty lapdog that you came here for! ;)


	18. Ready Or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas and Sivanna find themselves caught off guard in a fight to the death.

 

**Ready Or Not**

 

Sivanna heard Vilkas curse just before something crashed into her back. She hit the ground hard, her armor clinking on the rocky floor. The air in her lungs left in a whoosh as a heavy weight settled itself on top of her. Sivanna gasped and the hot stench of cat breath filled her nose. It was then that Sivanna started to panic. A growl rumbled from her throat and she pushed desperately against the earth. The sound of fangs scraping metal echoed loudly in the cavern and adrenaline rushed through her veins.

 

"Do not shift!", Vilkas yelled from somewhere in the cave. "You're still in your armor!" She reached for the sheathed iron dagger, but the sabre roared and swatted her arm. Sivanna's hand landed on a sharp rock that cut her palm, blood trickled down into the dirt. This excited the sabre, the feline had the chance to finish it, but the cat was going to relish its kill. It was toying with her. Anger flooded through her as she pulled the rock loose and sent the stone stabbing into the front paw of the assailant. The cat shrieked in pain and limped back. Sivanna screamed in triumph as she leaped from the ground. She was vaguely aware that Vilkas was in a battle of his own with two sabres, but there was no time to worry about him. Pulling the bow from her back and notching an arrow, she searched for the cat. Her eyes darted around the cave, waiting. A loud growl erupted from the darkness and she loosed the arrow. It struck the feline in the shoulder and the cat fell to the ground writhing and shrieking. Sivanna shot one more arrow that hit the cat in the side of its large head. _One down,_ she thought as she turned to find her alpha.

 

Sivanna started to notch another arrow, but knew it was too dangerous to loose it. There was a large chance that she might hit Vilkas, so instead she began to run to her alpha. Dagger in hand, she jumped at the nearest cat, landing on its back. The feline easily shrugged her off with powerful shoulders, it was much bigger than she had anticipated. The dagger flew from her hand as she grappled with the big beast, falling once more onto the rocky floor. Sivanna watched in horror as the sabre raised a giant paw for the killing blow. Just then, something shoved the cat away. Startled, Sivanna turned and stared in amazement at her savior. It was Brun! The filly reared on its hind legs and pawed at the cat, landing a hit on the sabre's nose. The feline roared in anger and swiped at Brun, gashing the horse's underbelly. Sivanna screamed and tackled the cat, pulling it's attention away from her injured friend. The beast thrashed wildly as she stuck her thumb deep within it's eye socket, liquid oozed from the wound. The sabre began shrieking and writhing. Sivanna could see the dagger, almost within her reach. Arm outstretched, she snatched the hilt and sent it plummeting into the neck of the cat. There was a raspy gurgling noise as the cat struggled to breathe, then it thumped onto the ground.

 

"We did it!", Sivanna yelled excitedly. "We killed the sabres!" She turned to see Vilkas pulling his blade from the chest of the feline, but then she remembered Brun. The horse was lying on her side, breathing deep with wide eyes. Blood pooled from Brun's belly, her insides beginning to spill from the wound. Sivanna's heart dropped.

 

"No!", she cried. "Brun, easy there. Shh, it's alright." Sivanna choked back tears as she stroked Brun's mane gently, knowing in her heart that the filly was breathing her last. "Thank you, my friend.", she said softly. "I would be dead if you had not come back." She lay down with her arms around BrÃºn's neck, wishing with all her being that the horse would live. Brun's heartbeat came slower and slower, until finally, it stopped.

 

" _Why?_ Why did you have to come back?", she sobbed. "You were supposed to leave, I told you to leave!"

 

"Sivanna...", Vilkas laid his hand on her shoulder.

 

"This is my fault, why did I have to befriend her. She would still be alive, if not for me!", Sivanna looked up at him.

 

"And where would you be?", he asked softly. "Aye, your horse is dead, but she saved your life. Brun gave you another chance with her sacrifice. Bring her honor, by living."

 

Sivanna gently swept her hand over Brun's eyes, closing them for the last time. She picked up her bow, slinging it back over her shoulder. She wiped the blood from the iron dagger on the fur of a sabre and sheathed it once more. Emptiness was seeping its way into her being as she said, "We should skin them now, so we can be done with this."

 

"Aye. There is one more than we had a contract for, we will keep that fur for ourselves. We have a lot of work ahead of us.", Vilkas said. He dragged one of the bodies into a part of the cavern that was well lit. The two of them were silent as they separated the sabres' fur from their flesh. Vilkas would drag the sabre to Sivanna, and she would skin the creature. Then he would take the skinned bodies away and pile them in the spike trap the two had made earlier for the cats' entombment. Time was moving so slowly for her, she could not feel anything. _I must be in shock,_ she decided. _Or maybe denial,_ Sivanna thought as she glanced at the body of her horse. A lump formed in her throat and she shook her head. _The sooner I finish this, the sooner I can leave._

 

When at last they had finished, the two wolves were exhausted. Vilkas rolled the furs and tied them individually, dropping two of them at Sivanna's feet. "You carry these two, and I will carry the other two.", he said. Sivanna hesitated, "It will be hard to get these furs home, with only one horse. Should I shift to carry my things?"

 

Vilkas glanced at Brun's body, "No, grab the saddle and your pack. I will load them onto my horse and we will walk." Sivanna took a step toward Brun, her eyes stinging. "Come on then, the sun will be setting soon." Vilkas said over his shoulder as he walked out of the tunnel. The wolf in Sivanna's head whimpered in sympathy. _He will never understand,_ she thought. Vilkas could not see how much pain it would cause her to do as she was asked, but that did not matter. Sivanna was not the alpha. _Alpha's orders are law,_ she remembered. Sighing, Sivanna knelt next to the horse. "Oh, Brun...", she whispered. "I will miss you." She unbuckled the saddle and unfastened her pack, trying hard not to think. Brun looked strange without the saddle, almost nude. _I cannot leave her like this, she deserves better. She deserves a warrior's funeral._

 

Fire was the most honorable way to say goodbye, so Sivanna took flint from her pack and sparked a flame. "To Brun! Honor be with you as you make your next journey! Your loyalty will surely earn you a high place in Sovngarde!", she cried as the fire consumed Brun's body. As the flames began to die down, she lit the bodies of the sabres with a burning tree limb. Leaving the cats to rot seemed cruel, they had fought bravely. Smoke filled the cavern as the fire fed hungrily on the bodies, making it difficult to breathe. "Goodbye, Brun.", Sivanna said as she picked up her pack and left the fires to die.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How 'bout them feels? It's getting there, things are about to get heavy in the next few chapters. No smut yet, but that's coming too.
> 
>  


	19. Not Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna tries to deal with the loss of her horse, only to find that worse things are just around the bend.

 

**Not Going Home**

 

"Compose yourself", Sivanna whispered as she stepped out of the cave. _I cannot let Vilkas see me like this, he already sees me as weak._ She took a deep breath and began walking down the path to the road. Her steps felt heavy, yet it had nothing to do with the extra weight of the saddle and furs she carried. Sivanna had not felt such pain a long time, not since her parents had died so many years ago. It was an unwelcome feeling. The last thing she needed was to be dragged down by such _human_ emotions. There was no room in her life for weakness, she knew. Sivanna was sure that Vilkas would sneer at her in disgust if he saw how broken she was. _We mated, did we not? Is he not supposed to help me?,_ she wondered. _No,_ she decided. _He wants a strong she-wolf._ Sivanna sighed. Last time she had confided in a man, it had not ended well. Even if she hadn't almost killed him, she still lacked judgment. Arnbjorn was the first man Sivanna had ever loved, and the first she had ever kissed. _I was young and blind with love,_ she scolded herself. _What excuse have I now?_ Shaking her head, Sivanna continued onward to find her alpha.

 

To her relief, the cat scent was beginning to fade as she ventured further from the cave. _Vilkas must have been in a hurry to leave as well,_ Sivanna noted. There was still no sign of him when at last she came upon the road. The beast whimpered within her, although it could not understand the attachment that Sivanna had with Brun, she understood grief. So, for a while, Sivanna wallowed in sadness as she walked. Her footsteps the only sound to be heard as the sun faded below the mountains. All she wished was to be back in Jorrvaskr, with a warm mug of mulled cider to keep her company. She thought of the people who shared her new home, how they would welcome her. It was not quite like the family she had lost, but it was better than being alone. _And some would be more happy to see me than others,_ she mused, thinking of Farkas. The thought of her friend made her smile, despite everything. She could almost smell him, the sweet musky scent of sandalwood. Sivanna sniffed, then froze in shock, there was another scent in the air that did _not_ belong... blood. Wolf blood, Vilkas's blood! Sivanna looked to the ground and found the other two sabre furs near her feet, and Vilkas's pack and armor a little further away from the road. Fear went through her in a rush.

 

"Vilkas!", she called. No answer. The wolf within growled and Sivanna's pulse quickened. She dropped everything and stripped off her armor, letting the change take her. As soon as she was whole, she was running. Following the scent of blood, and cat. A howl ripped from her throat, as her paws thudded through the forest. _I'm coming, Vilkas!_ She thought, wishing now that he would hear her. _I should have left with him!_ His scent was getting stronger now, and she could hear a struggle just ahead. Cat screams filled her ears, they had failed to kill the whole pride! The rest of the cats must be after vengeance. _No you won't!_ Sivanna screamed in her head as she jumped into a clearing.

 

There were two cats attacking Vilkas, who was still in his human form. Blood covered his body, scratches marred his arms, and he looked weary. He held an iron dagger, it shone crimson in the fading light. His greatsword lay at Sivanna's paws. One of the sabres was limping, a stab and slash wound in its shoulder. Sivanna leaped between Vilkas and the cats, growling, head low. They stepped back surprised, but it did not last. The larger, uninjured cat charged at her, fangs bared. Sivanna crouched and sprang for the throat of the feline, crushing it with her powerful jaws. The wolf barked at the remaining cat, who was stalking toward the alpha. It was close enough that if he reached out, he could easily touch its bloody muzzle. The sabre whipped its head angrily and growled, turning to face her. There was a moment when their eyes locked, then Sivanna watched as Vilkas plunged his blade deep into the skull of the sabre. Its body collapsed heavily, dagger still lodged in its head.

 

Sivanna whined and stepped toward her alpha, he turned as if to look at her, and fell to the ground. His chest heaved while he struggled to roll onto his back. Vilkas raised a hand, and Sivanna rushed to put her nose in his palm. "I'm glad you came, Sivanna.", he labored, tightly clutching his left side. "I won't be going home, not as I am now." Sivanna curled herself around his body, hoping her warmth might somehow fix him. _Gods help me!_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter, I know, I'm sorry. It just kind of flew by, and it wouldn't feel as... tragic? Maybe that's not the right word, but anyway, I felt that this chapter needs time to marinate and sink in.


	20. A Shift In Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna has to mend Vilkas's wounds and take him somewhere safe to heal.

A Shift In Power

Sivanna lifted her muzzle from the alpha's bloody hand. With pricked ears, she listened, on edge after such an attack. A moment passed and Sivanna felt assured that the cats had indeed been eliminated. The shewolf let out a breath. Adrenaline still flowing heavily through her system, she would need to force herself to become human. I must help him... what shall I do? Vilkas was bleeding, and in a great deal of pain. There had to be a way to stop the blood, or he would die. Panic started to breed in her belly, He cannot die! 

“Sivanna?”, Vilkas asked softly. She whimpered, lowering herself to the ground where he lay. “You will have to set up a camp... can you handle it?” Sivanna chuffed at him, nodding. You can do this, she told herself, just suppress the beast. Breathing deep with her eyes closed, the fur began receding as her bones and muscles popped back into their proper places. The chilly winter air raised gooseflesh all along her body, but she could not yet feel the cold. Vilkas's breath was visible, slowly rising toward the sky, his eyes watching her with a look she could not discern.

“We... we must stop the bleeding.”, she managed. The alpha continued to stare at her. The horse has a saddle pack, surely there will be needle and thread! Turning away from Vilkas's piercing gaze, she whistled loud. Proud that Aela had been successful in teaching her such a trick, she whistled once more for good measure. I suppose now I await his horse's return. Sivanna hurried back to her alpha, she needed to see the severity of his injuries. Kneeling in the bloody dirt, she carefully peeled Vilkas's hand from his left side, tearing away the remainder of his tunic. Four deep gashes swept across his torso in a ragged manor, blood still welling from them steadily. Although the bleeding had hindered, it showed no sign of stopping unaided. Just then, she heard the familiar trit-trot and a snort from Vilkas's horse behind her. Sivanna sifted through the saddlebag until she found a small leather pouch. Praying she was right, she lifted the flap; it contained a single curved bone needle and some thick braided horse hair fibers. She knew the pack was for saddle and armor repairs on the road, but there was nothing else she could use. Being all that she had, it would have to suffice. Preparing for the worst, Sivanna threaded her needle.

“I... I need to stitch your wounds...”, she said softly. “It will hurt...”

“Just do it.”, he rasped. Sivanna obeyed. Carefully pinching the first gash closed, she inserted the needle. The alpha's body stiffened immediately, and despite the fact that she was causing him more anguish, Sivanna felt a small flicker of relief. He is reacting to the pain, this is good, I may have enough time to staunch the bleeding and save him! Pulling the horse hair thread tight, Sivanna continued to weave the needle through his skin. Vilkas kept quiet all the while, teeth gritted and eyes shut with force. Time seemed to be moving so slowly, her blooded fingers felt numb and she shivered with the cold. Sivanna dislodged Vilkas's dagger from the skull of the fallen sabre cat and cut the overhanging thread from his gashes. The alpha let out a breath and unclenched his fists. The worst of it was over. There were bite marks on his right forearm and claw marks on his left, but neither of them needed stitching. 

“We cannot stay here.”, she told him. “The smell of blood will draw scavengers and other beasts.”

“Aye.”, Vilkas whispered in response. Sivanna noted how breathy the word sounded, how tired he seemed. Something had to be done, and soon. She stood, and realized for the first time since shifting, that she was nude. Unlike last time, she felt no embarrassment, too many other pressing matters required her immediate attention. Taking the reigns of her alpha's horse, she brought the animal closer to its master. He cannot ride like this, I will have to find another way... perhaps the bedroll? Sivanna untied it from his saddle and set it beside the wounded wolf. 

“We must get you out of here. If we can get you onto your bedroll, your horse can pull you to somewhere safe.”, Sivanna said, laying a hand on his cheek. He felt warm, not quite feverish yet, but she knew that would come. Vilkas opened his eyes, they seemed to almost roll down from his head to focus on her. “Aye.”, was all he said before closing them once more. Not sure how to proceed, she carefully rolled him onto his right side, quickly shoving the soft furs under his back before laying him down again. He gasped in agony and Sivanna grimaced. Her inner wolf whimpered, worried for her alpha. 

Maybe we can shelter in the same cave from last night? Sivanna pondered. No, she sighed, its much too far. We will have to stay someplace else. She made certain Vilkas would be steady on the makeshift bed by loosely wrapping leather strips under his shoulders and the straps of the bedroll. Then she searched through his pack and took some rope to fasten the bed and saddle. After Sivanna was sure everything was well secured, she took the reigns of the big stallion. Leading the horse, she started back through the brush that her wolf had torn through to save her alpha. Fighting off a shudder, Sivanna trudged on, praying that Vilkas would be alright. Soon, they reached the road, and she began to pick up all their leavings. Sivanna draped the furs over the stallion's saddle and shouldered Vilkas's pack and armor. A short distance up the road she found her strewn armor and thankfully dressed herself. I never should have let him leave without me, she thought. Her inner wolf snorted, as if to say An alpha has no need for coddling. She shook her head, Perhaps not, but you are still wrong. The strength of the wolf is the pack, and I am the only pack he has here. We were both vulnerable. 

The three of them continued down the road silently, save for a few gasps and grunts that Vilkas could not force himself to quiet. His horse's hooves clacked softly on the cobblestone, forest insects chirped and chided to each other, it sounded so tranquil. There was nothing to indicate that a terrible bloodshed had taken place this night. Sivanna's mind was filled with images of fangs and claws rendering flesh. The sounds of their battle still raging in her head, haunting her like a bad dream. Sivanna wondered if it would ever cease. We should stop for a while, he surely needs rest. The shewolf glanced around, she could not see much in the means of a shelter anywhere nearby. She would have to make one herself. Sivanna sniffed, searching for any sign of predators. Finding none, she exhaled deeply, glad to be rid of the damned beasts that had put them into this mess. 

The trees towered high into the night sky, swaying softly as the wind swept through their branches. The night was quiet, peaceful in truth, save for Sivanna clearing the underbrush near a large fallen pine. Moss and new tree sproutlings covered its rotting bark, large mushrooms grew in the shadowed crevices of the wood. Immense roots from a nearby tree created a wall that would keep in heat and shelter the two wolves from the weather. She lead the horse to the makeshift shelter, being sure to go slowly for her alpha. 

Sivanna hesitated, “Vilkas?” He opened one eye slightly. “I have found a place to rest for the night... what should I do for you?”

“Woman,”, he said quietly “Can you do nothing on your own?” She knew he was trying to be his normal sarcastic self, but there was something else... not fear, not quite as strong as that, worry perhaps? Sivanna stayed silent, thinking. He needs something to fight off infection, and something for pain. She scanned the area, having some knowledge of local flora, she spotted a patch of stinging nettle. “Perfect!”, she exclaimed. The nettles would ease the pain if ground into a poultice. Much to her dismay, she had no mortar and pestle, and still nothing to fight off an infection. Maybe there will be something in Vilkas's pack? Her alpha, not being one to make salves or poultices, or even pick flowers, had nothing of that sort in his pack. All that she could find was salt, apples, and dried salmon. After a deeper, more desperate search, she found a single clove of garlic. “Thank The Nine!”, she breathed. Crushed garlic would fight infection and keep his wounds clean.

A hollow rock and a gnarled limb she had found would serve as mortar and pestle. Approaching the patch of stinging nettle, Sivanna sighed inwardly. She had nearly mastered the art of harvesting nettle leaves without getting stung, but there was no way to keep from it every time. Fortunately, it was such a common feeling from her childhood that it was not nearly as painful or bothersome. Carefully and firmly, she pinched the top leaf of a tall nettle plant and twisted her wrist to loose it from the stem. She continued until she had five fairly large leaves piled in her rock. Not one sting! Smiling to herself, she began grinding the leaves with the limb. A memory of her mother came to mind. Sivanna had fallen among some sharp shale stones and there were cuts all along her hands and knees. Her mother picked out the remaining debris, all the while humming a tune to soothe her distressed daughter. The tall woman led her back into their home and started grinding nettle leaves. She spit into the mortar to moisten the thick mixture and stirred, then she scooped some of the earthy paste and gently applied it to Sivanna's cuts and scrapes. At first it had burned, then tingled, and then she had felt almost nothing at all.

A grunt from Vilkas tore Sivanna from the memory, ”What are you doing over there?”, he rasped from under the giant log.

“Making a dressing for your injuries.”, she replied. Just as her mother had done, Sivanna spit into the mortar. She peeled the largest pieces of the garlic clove, smashing them slightly with another rock to make the work easier. She added a few to the nettle mix and ground them in. A strong earthy smell arose from her blend, sharp and green. “It will ease your pain.” A grunt was his reply, most likely all he could muster. “I cannot leave it on long, else it will blister your skin. I can set crushed garlic under a compress to keep you from infection until we return.” He nodded once, but said nothing.

Vilkas barely moved as the paste was applied, yet Sivanna knew it was burning. His jaw was set and his body was tense, barely even breathing until it was done. After she set down the mortar, Vilkas let out a deep sigh and fixed his eyes on her. “Where did you learn that?”, he queried. Sivanna kept her eyes downcast,”My mother.”, she said quietly. Unshed tears made her vision blurry. “Ah. My apologies.”, he said knowingly. Silence followed for a moment as she struggled to regain her composure. 

“It's alright,” Sivanna wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and looked at the alpha. ”I should remove the nettles now.” Neither of them said a word as she softly wiped the green mess from him. She rinsed the gashes and bites carefully with his water pouch and dabbed him dry using cloth ripped from her tunic. Then she popped the remaining garlic into her mouth, crushing it with her teeth and packed it onto Vilkas's now clean wounds. 

Exhausted from a day of carnage, she kicked off her boots and sat beside Vilkas. Most of the snow from the storm had already melted, but the air was sharp with chill. After years living alone in the woods, Sivanna had learned how to survive without a fire. It was not hard, especially since the beast-blood kept the cold from affecting her as the wolf. Yet tonight, she decided it best to build a fire. Vilkas, in his weakened state, could not shift to keep warm. He needed the flame.

“Vilkas?”, she asked.

“What?”, he gruffed.

“I will be back, I must gather some wood.”, she explained as she slipped the leather boots back onto her sore feet.

“Hmph.”, he replied.

“Perhaps we should sleep beside each other tonight... so I would know if you develop a fever and... we could keep warm.” He stared at her, his expression unreadable, ”Aye.” Sivanna sat watching Vilkas watch her, until she felt her skin itch beneath the pressure of his stare. Remembering herself, she rose and began the search for sticks and bark to start a fire. Luckily, their encampment had an abundance of rotting pine and oak. The shewolf had no trouble finding enough wood for the night. A nice pile of tree limbs was formed beside the shelter, ensuring a well lit, warm night. Using her flint for the second time this evening, she kindled a flame. 

Sivanna knew her face shone red from the thought of what was to come next. Her wolf sat content in her head, excited to sleep beside her alpha. It isn't as you think, she told the beast, he needs us to help him keep warm. But... I suppose this will be the first time we share a bed since... Sivanna turned a deeper shade of red as she recalled what had happened only two nights ago. Or at least, what she could remember. Apparently, wine erases some memories before they even take form. She could not decide whether that made her happy or sad. On one hand, the thought of what they had done made her squirm, and yet on the other she wished she knew if he was still as soft as the kiss they shared... 

“Water.”, the alpha said quietly. The shewolf hurried to obey, feeling foolish for being so lost in such thoughts. She held the pouch to his lips and he drank hungrily, water trickling from the corner of his mouth. Vilkas drank his fill and sighed, eyes closed and resting. Well, the morrow will be another day of hardship, she thought as she shed her boots and armor. Curling up next to him, Sivanna's heartbeat quickened. She lay on her side, head resting on his shoulder. Sivanna pulled the furs up about them and closed her eyes. That night, the steady, even sound of his heartbeat lulled her to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a while before I am able to post a new chapter, hang in there with me. I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses, but there are things I need to do and I can only write in my spare time. Don't worry though, I will see this story to it's end, which is a long way off lol Anywho, I bet some of you are kind of grossing out on the whole spit thing, but back in the day that was common. People didn't know that it wasn't sanitary, so since this story is supposed to be set back pretty far I think it fits the era. Don't hate lol


	21. Stewing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and Vilkas try to recover after a night of carnage.

Stewing

Sivanna awoke with a start and held her breath, listening to be sure his heartbeat could be heard. Thu thunk... thu thunk. The slow steady sound was so reassuring. Her lungs let loose the air they had been holding captive in a satisfied sigh. The alpha had made it through the night, hopefully the worst had already come and passed. Carefully lifting herself from their makeshift bed, she turned to him. She rested the back of her hand on his forehead, checking for fever. His skin was warm to the touch, and damp with sweat. Damn! It set in so quickly. As she removed her hand, Vilkas opened his eyes and met hers.

“What is it? Where are we?”, he took in his surroundings and tried to prop himself up on one elbow.

“Easy!”, Sivanna exclaimed. “We are still in the woods outside of Morthal. You're injured, quite seriously. You should try to still yourself, you might break the stitching.”

The alpha groaned and fell back into his bed. “Have we any food?”, he asked.

“Yes, we have some apples and some dried salmon.” She was so relieved he still had his hunger, that was a very promising sign.

“Let's have it then, an apple if you would.”, he told her as he stared at the log that sheltered him. “Damn cats,” he cursed. “I won't be had by a damn cat, hear me? Get me home.”

Sivanna scrambled to get an apple from his pack, “I... you are not well enough to travel, Vilkas. You're addled with fever, your wounds too fresh. We have to stay here until you are fit to leave.” She handed him his fruit and offered her waterskin to the alpha. He drank gladly and bit into his apple.

“When can we leave?”, he asked, as if there were nothing wrong. As if he wasn't being held together by her thread stitching.

“That cannot be known. It will take time, days, maybe even weeks.”, she said quietly.

“Not acceptable.” 

“You could die!”, she burst. “For once just trust someone other than yourself. You are alpha, yes, and yet if you fail to heed my warnings you will be a dead one.”

His head whipped to her, a look of surprise flashed before his scowl hardened. “Is that a challenge?”

Sivanna huffed, “No, it is for true. And you know it.” She felt so tired, weary from the whole trip. The sudden outburst was so unlike her. It seemed that Vilkas, even in his weakened state, had noticed.

“As you say.”, he grumbled as he once again attacked his apple. Sivanna took a pot from the pack and set it among the coals from the fire. Pouring in some water, and tearing some of the dried salmon into bits, she dropped them into the pot. She sprinkled in salt and the last of the garlic into the mix. A hot stew will help, since we have nothing else. There was very little to season with, so she would have to ready herself for her alpha's complaints, but it could not be helped. Why does it always have to be so hard? She wondered. Is nothing ever simple?

“What keeps you here?”, Vilkas asked suddenly, breaking Sivanna from her thoughts.

“What?”

“You could leave, run back to the woods and live as you have all this time. What is keeping you at my side?”

“I could never just leave you out here, hurt and alone. I would be leaving you to your death.”, she told him, shocked he would even ask such a thing.

“So that's to say, you aren't nursing my wounds because I am your alpha?”, he asked sarcastically.

“Of course not!”, she said, bristling. “You are not the reason I'm going to help. This is something I will do for myself, it matters not what you think of me, I could never abandon someone in such a poor state as yours.”

Vilkas grumbled and closed his eyes, seemingly done conversing. For a long while, the only sounds were the bubbling from the pot and the birds singing their morning songs. Rays of golden sunshine were filtering through the woods, creating a warm glow on the mossy log. The air was crisp and cool, not yet warmed from the sun. Despite the situation, Sivanna was able to take some solace in such a beautiful morning. She tried to shed the alpha's jabs and insults, but found it hard, since she could feel him festering in his shelter. Instead, her focus turned to finishing the stew. The salmon had doubled in size, and a very pleasing garlic aroma was rising from the pot, it was ready.

“Are you still hungry? I've made us some salmon and garlic stew.”, she said, hoping his mood had brightened.

“I suppose I should eat it then.”, he said. His stomach betrayed him, growling loudly.

Sivanna hid a smirk as she filled his tankard with stew. She set it next to him, “Do you wish to sit up?”

“Of course I do.”, he snapped. Sivanna leaned in, placing her hands under his shoulders and slowly helped him up, propping furs behind his back for comfort. She handed him a spoon and left him to his meal. She knew he was upset and frustrated, that was to be expected, especially with the pain he was feeling. To be so strong and independent one moment, and then next to helpless must be jarring. Her beast whined in her head, wishing to curl around her alpha. He would not let that happen, and besides, we have hunting to do after we eat. Sivanna sipped her broth and savored her stew, in the cold winter morning it was a refreshing treat. From the corner of her eye, she saw Vilkas eating ravenously. Apparently he was enjoying it as well. She put away her empty tankard and threw more wood into the fire.

“We need more food.”, she said without looking up. “I'm going out for a hunt.”

Vilkas slurped the last of his stew from his cup and replied, “Leave your bow, I need some way to defend myself.”

Sivanna tilted her head, “You know archery?”

“Why would I not? There are many things you do not know about me.”

“Indeed.”, she left her quiver and bow beside him. “If you have need of me, I shall not be far. Whistle, or call out and I will hear you.”

“Good hunting.”, he said, his eyes closed.

“Thank you.”, she replied as she began to undress. After all, shifting in her clothes was not preferable. A surge of excitement flooded through her, it had been some time since she had last hunted. On all fours, she braced for the change and let it take her. When at last she had become the wolf, she shook her fur from nose to tail and trotted off to catch their dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again, I'm up at about one o'clock in the morning because of a run in with a very agitated scorpion that was very determined to sting my little boy -_- Luckily, I saw the damned thing before it got his foot... but it got away. So here we are, with a new chapter because the heebie jeebies that follow a scorpion encounter tend to keep me awake lol


	22. Pity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas struggles with his situation while Sivanna does her best to take care of him.

Pity

Sivanna loped happily through the woods, four rabbits hanging from her jaws. Her hunt had gone well, if not a little short for her liking. It did not matter though, Vilkas had to eat, if she was to build up his strength. Despite his generally snappy behavior, Sivanna was excited to return to the camp. With him being incapacitated, he was relying solely on her for survival. I can finally prove to him that I am not worthless! Her wolf was similarly pleased, wanting to show her alpha that she deserved a top ranking position in the pack. Very single minded aren't you? She retorted to her beast. Of course, to that there was no reply. Sivanna came upon the her tracks that led from their camp and began following the large pawprints back to the injured wolf. She wondered how long it would be, before Vilkas was well enough to travel. If it took long, would the other members of the pack search for them? And if things went badly, what would they do to Sivanna if he did not survive? She shook her fur vigorously, not wanting to think such things. I will just have to make sure that cannot happen. 

“What took you?”, Vilkas snapped as she dropped the rabbits next to the fire. Still in her wolf form, Sivanna cocked her head at him and snorted. Of course that is his greeting. She braced herself and began the transition from beast to woman.

“I was sure that after so many years living as a wolf, you would be a faster hunter.”, he grumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his shelter. Sivanna panted and shivered, still reeling from the change.

“Despite what you may think, I do just fine. Though, I have never needed to hunt for someone other than myself. It will take some adjusting.” she said.

Vilkas huffed, clearly not impressed. Sivanna shook her head slightly, but continued to move forward, dressing herself in the armor she had shed earlier that morning. The next few hours were spent skinning and cooking rabbits. Most of the time there was a heavy silence between the two wolves, save for an occasional complaint from the alpha. Every time Sivanna tried to talk, it only seemed to make things worse with Vilkas, so the silence ensued.

“Sivanna.”

Her ears pricked, she lifted her face to look at him, more than a little upset with the way her insides seemed to flip when he said her name. “Yes?”

“I want to ask something of you, and you must be honest.”

Sivanna frowned, but nodded. “As you say.”

“How long can you keep this up? Do you really think you can keep me alive out here, by yourself?”

Her eyes widened, “You think I will fail.” Vilkas only stared. A surge of emotion coursed through her, making her body feel cold. “I will not let you die here.” she said, her voice trembling slightly. His eyebrows drew together as he turned his face away from her.

“Vilkas!”, she barked. “Vilkas, look at me.” He lifted his gaze, meeting her eyes. She saw them flash amber, obviously cross with her for making an order to the alpha. “You will live. This is not your end. You will not be had by a damned cat, remember?”

He smirked slightly, “Aye.”

“I know this is hard for you, needing my help, but for once my task is something I am familiar with.”

“Spare me your pity.” he growled. “I have no need of it. What I need is to get home, to Jorrvaskr.”

Sivanna stood abruptly, anger fueling a flame deep within her. She stomped to where he sat and leaned in, until her face was inches from his. “Stop being so damned stubborn and let me help you!” she snarled, knowing that her eyes were bleeding to a deep amber. “I do not feel pity for you, I have compassion for you! Something that you desperately need to learn. My life has been shit, always, but I still manage to feel for others in ways that you, do not. You, who are alpha. You, who always has a meal and a bed. You, who always had others to count on if there was trouble. Make up your mind! I can feel you trying to push me away, but then you turn right around and demand my help. What in Oblivion do you want from me?” She was panting now, staring hard into Vilkas's scowling face. 

“You would dare...” his words were cut off by her lips. She took his face in her hands and kissed him, hard. His mouth opened in surprise and their tongues met. She poured everything she had been feeling into the kiss. All her fear, her anger, all the hurt that she kept inside. Sivanna pulled back.

“What will it take to make you shut up and let me do my job?”, she asked.

“I... Why?” His eyes were half lidded, a look of confusion on his face.

“Why should you let me help you?”

Vilkas shook his head. “No, why kiss me?”

Sivanna flushed, leaning back on her knees. “Well, I... I just.” She lowered her head, unable to meet his eyes. What is wrong with me? First I yell at my alpha, then I kiss him?

Vilkas sighed. “I understand.”

Sivanna looked up at him. “You do?” Her wolf's excitement was marked by a wagging tail in her mind.

He nodded. “The full moon is coming soon, and it has us both on edge.” She felt her shoulders droop, feeling suddenly exhausted. He was blaming her wolf, but for once she was the one instigating. 

“Since you have such confidence in your healing skills, do you think you could answer my question now?” he asked.

“That will depend on your injuries. Let me have a look.”

She sniffed at his punctures and gashes. There was no scent of infection, just a very sharp garlic smell. “You have no infection, but we need to remove the garlic now. How well can you move?”

“I can stand, walk, and carry the bow.” he said.

Sivanna frowned at him. “You tried walking while I was away?”

“I wasn't about to piss in my bed.” he retorted.

Sivanna let out a laugh. “I suppose not. Well, let me clean your wounds and then I can tell you how long you will be stuck out here with me.” 

Vilkas leaned back against the furs and let Sivanna carefully wipe away the poultice. His skin was an angry red around the gashes, but the bite wounds were already healing nicely. “You will not be able to ride for some time, these scratches,” she brushed her fingers along the skin beside the cuts, “are deep and angry. Your stitching would come undone.”

“How long?” he asked.

“Give them a week at least.”

“The full moon is a week from now.”

“Yes, and?”

“I must be with the rest of the pack fro the full moon.”

“You can't. I would rather you wait two weeks before traveling at all, but I know you better than to think you would sit still that long. Even when you are able to ride, we will be moving very slowly. An hour spent riding would mean at least two or three resting from the pain it would cause... We won't be back for some time.”

“Damn it!” he exclaimed, clearly frustrated.

“I know.” Sivanna sighed.

*************

That night as they were sleeping, Sivanna woke to hear Vilkas's voice whispering in her ear. “Sivanna...” She opened her eyes, she could feel his arm folded over her, his chest pressed against her back. His slow, even breathing was tickling her ear, making her arch slightly against him. It took her a moment to realize that he was still sleeping. He is dreaming of me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, tell me if the mood swings in this chapter are giving you whiplash. It felt to me like there would be a lot of emotions running wild in their situation, and I don't know about you, but I have a little trouble keeping mine in check under pressure like that. So there they are, fighting one minute and kissing the next lol I finally feel like they're moving forward, or maybe that's just because I know where this is going ;) anyway, I'm going to do my best to remain consistent in my uploads. (Don't worry though, I won't push out a crappy chapter just to fit a deadline.)
> 
> On another note, thank you so much to everyone who asked about Brant (my little one) He's doing great, running around yanking my hair out and unrolling toilet paper all over the bathroom floor whenever I turn my back lol
> 
>  


	23. Compassion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas tells Sivanna something that he can't stop thinking about.

Compassion

The next few days were a struggle. Sivanna practically had to sit on Vilkas to keep him from trying to leave. Each time they would argue, Vilkas would give her a look, like he was expecting something from her. The fights were much more tame now, since they had finally established that he would indeed be going home. She found him staring at her lips many times now, and when she caught him, he would quickly turn away, seeming almost flustered. If Vilkas the alpha could even be flustered. Sivanna helped him stretch carefully, explaining that if he didn't stretch the wound on his side, the scar would hamper his mobility. Of course he thought her silly, stating that he would break his stitching. Yet after a rather embarrassing demonstration, and a very rare laugh from Vilkas, he agreed to do as she asked.

Despite the arguments, the two of them seemed to be getting better at being around each other. Sivanna found herself strangely excited each night when it was time for them to rest. She was really starting to enjoy being held before sleep took her, and waking with his breath on her neck made her spine tingle. She couldn't tell him this, of course, surely he would have a smart remark or even worse, he might laugh at her. So she silently indulged herself in his clove scent and relished the warmth at her back. 

One morning, after checking on his wounds, Sivanna noticed that Vilkas was acting a bit strange. He wasn't complaining, in fact, he wasn't saying anything. He just kept staring at the ground, as if he were unable to meet her eyes. “Vilkas?” she asked cautiously.

“Aye?”

“Is something bothering you? Are you... in pain? Feverish, perhaps?”

“No, lass.”

“Then what troubles you?”

He looked at her then, his silver eyes burned like fire. “Is this how you live?” he asked.

Sivanna frowned. “How do you mean?”

“Out here. In the woods, alone.”

“Oh...” Sivanna sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Yes. But before... it was just me. Once and again I would run across a pack of wolves and stay with them for a night or two, but I didn't belong.”

Vilkas clenched his hands into fists, staring hard at the ground. “I've something to tell you.”

Sivanna's blood ran cold, something was wrong. “What is it?”

“Before I met you, before I turned you, I was hunting Arnbjorn.”

“What? Why?” 

“Remember, he is a member of the dark brotherhood. But once, he was a member of the companions.”

“He... he ran with you?” Sivanna was shocked, all this time, not only was Arnbjorn a wolf, but he knew others too. He could have helped her. 

“More than that,” Vilkas answered. “He turned both Farkas and myself.”

Sivanna inhaled sharply, the world seeming to tilt for a moment. “Why have you waited so long to tell me?” she asked quietly.

“There's more too it.” He sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “I heard that he was near Ivarstead, with plans to sire a new wolf.”

“Me...”, she realized.

“Aye. You must understand, the side of him that you saw... was a lie. He is a cruel creature that loves to inflict pain and loves even more, to kill. When I learned of his whereabouts, I went there to stop him. At any cost. I had no plan, only a hatred that drove me. I wanted so badly to feel my teeth close over his throat, to feel the life spill out of him.”

“So... you lied to me.” she said quietly. “You said that you bit me during your first turn, that you could not remember.”

“Aye. Sivanna... I want you to know, I am sorry. I did lie to you.”

“You knew what you were doing then...”

Vilkas paused for a long time. “Aye.”

“You purposefully bit me. To spite Arnbjorn?”

“No, well yes. I bit you so he could not. If he had, he would have kept you firmly under his thumb, always. Using his knowledge as leverage against you. Without him, you would be alone with no idea what you were or how to control yourself. Since I did it, there was no good way for him to reveal to you his nature without admitting he lied. Which meant he had to abandon you before you could learn his secret.”

She felt numb. It was like that day at the training grounds all over again, only this time she had no friend to comfort her. Why do they all lie to me? She wondered. Do I not deserve truth?

“Sivanna.” Vilkas said quietly. “Say something.”

Her eyes met his, and for a moment, the world stilled. Then rage and hurt hit her as if a tree had fallen ontop of her. The change took her violently. Faster than she had ever felt before, her body ripped itself apart, making terrible, wet flesh tearing sounds. A pained moan turned into a piercing howl. Her armor lay in pieces around her, ruined. Vilkas was standing in front of her, arms out, warding her back.

“Sivanna, calm yourself. Stay in control. I know I hurt you, but you must...”

Sivanna roared at him, her chin tucked against her chest, ears laid flat against her head. How dare you! She thought furiously. The wolf took a step toward her alpha and snapped at him, inches from his face. He never moved, not even as she turned her tail to him and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst alert! Things are going to get dark in these next few chapters. If you have a squeamish tummy and can't handle blood, you might not like where this is going. 
> 
> Also, that plot twist tho!


	24. Hunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna tries to blow off some steam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit warning! This is going to get violent and a little dirty. You've been warned.

Hunted

Sivanna was running, low hanging branches slapping at her as she passed. Her eyes stung, her heart ached, and her body throbbed with pain. Cries and howls escaped from her throat as she ran blindly through the forest. Damn him! Damn them all! Everyone lied to her, everyone kept the truth to themselves. Trusting anyone was a waste of time. How could I be so foolish? Why did I think I could believe him? Another wave of rage burned through her as she leapt over a fallen tree, startling a whole herd of deer. The deer bolted in different directions, scattering through the trees and underbrush. Sivanna's mouth watered, the thought of fresh killed deer was a welcome distraction. Without stopping, her paws skidded through the dirt and moss, turning towards the closest victim, a large buck. It brayed in fear as it ran, leaping sporadically in hopes of losing her. Predator and prey darted between trees and through tall ferns, both running from their nightmares, but only one of them was in true danger. 

Just then, the buck hit a thick redwood pine, scraping its shoulder. Sivanna's tongue lolled from her jaws, the heavy scent of blood spurring her to move faster. The wolf was just within reach, she could feel the dirt spraying her nose after every bound of the deer. With a fresh rush of adrenaline, Sivanna snapped at the buck's hind leg, grasping it firmly. The two of them slid over the forest floor, struggling to gain control. The deer brayed again, the sound of its fear filling Sivanna's ears. Quickly, she took the throat of the buck in her jaws and shook vigorously. Blood splattered her fur, the ground, and the ferns surrounding them. The warm ooze gushing around her fangs, dripping into the earth. It was over, she had won. Sivanna threw back her head and howled, long and proud. There were many things she could not change, and even more that she could not control, but the satisfaction she felt after a successful hunt helped stave off the madness that threatened to consume her.

The following silence was deafening, her ears still ringing from the excitement. Without thinking too much about it, she began to drag the lifeless body back toward her camp. Sivanna focused intently, doing her best not to think of what might happen once she returned to Vilkas. She didn't want to feel anything anymore, there were too many risks and not enough rewards. More often than not, she was in some sort of pain. Very few were the moments of happiness, and they never seemed to last. It felt as if her life was a frigid black lake, and she was stranded in the middle of it. Just when she thought she found a foothold to pull herself out, the ice beneath her would give way, plunging her back into the freezing depths. Enough! She thought furiously. I do not wish to be swallowed by self pity. Picking up the pace, she ran, ready to face whatever was next.

When Sivanna had returned, Vilkas was gone. A traitorous flicker of worry swam through her. The last time she had left Vilkas alone, he had almost died. Still trying to decide whether to track down the alpha, she sat, inhaling deeply through her nose. The scent of him was everywhere, both comforting and concerning. She spotted his clothes, piled precariously by her own shredded armor. Large paw prints marked where he too, had left. Damned fool, his stitching will have come undone, and most likely ripped open his wounds. Guilt washed over her, Vilkas would never have left like that if she had not stormed off. How was she supposed to deal with the things he had told her? With the way he had been with her in the cave that night? What did he truly want from her?

A howl made it's way to her ears, long and searching. Vilkas. Again she was running, this time she was moving toward him. Sivanna followed a very faint trail of his blood to a nearby hill. He had not, in fact, gone far. He stood there, at its peak, his black fur bristling against the cold. A slow trickling of blood was flowing from his side. The shewolf lowered her head and wagged her tail slightly, walking slowly to her alpha. He watched her approach, but when she lifted her muzzle to lick his chin in submission, he sidestepped and bumped her chin with his nose. Puzzled, she followed him as he made his way slowly back down the trail.

After they had returned to their camp, Vilkas began his shift, spilling new blood onto the ground as his body reshaped. Sivanna followed his example, taking extra care to shift slower than before. All of the adrenaline had left her drained, making her feel as though she had been dirt-rolled by a bear. Shallow scratches marred her body, stinging as sweat leaked into them. And yet that was nothing compared to what Vilkas must have been feeling. The gashes on his side were wet and red, the stitching long gone. His bite marks seemed to be fairing better, nearly healed since shifting. 

“I see you brought dinner.” Vilkas said, eyeing the deer. Sivanna said nothing, she was too damned tired to fight with him right now. She knew that the moment she opened her mouth they would fight again, and she only wished the day to be over. Vilkas threw her his shirt and pulled on his britches, also resigning to silence. The alpha was exhausted, it was written all over his face, and yet he sat cross legged and proceeded to gut the buck. Sivanna retrieved their waterskin and began liberally cleaning the blood and grit from her body, when she was finished she offered it to Vilkas, who declined.

“You are being foolish, Vilkas.”, Sivanna said exasperatedly. “Your body is not yet strong enough to fight off all the sickness you throw at it.”

“As you said, I do just fine.” he retorted.

Sivanna sighed and poured the water over his body. Vilkas shivered and shied away from her. “Oi! That is cold as a draugr's breast, woman!”

“You will be getting clean whether you wish to or not.” she said.

“Damn, woman. Look at my britches!”, he gestured to his legs, covered in both water and blood.

“That might not have happened if you had taken the waterskin yourself.”

“I would not even need it if you had just listened to what I had to say.”

“What would you have me do? Put my trust in you again, after all the lies you spun? They run like rivers from your mouth!” Sivanna spat.

Vilkas did not reply, he sat quietly as she wiped the blood from him. How dare he make me this way. Years of solitude, always being on the outside... and it was all because of him. There has to be a reason that he invited me into his pack. He would not do such a thing out of guilt. 

“Why did you let me into the pack?”

“Why would I not?”

Sivanna let out a wry laugh. “Nice try, I'm not as green as I once was.”

Vilkas sighed. “At first, I thought I could use you to track down Arnbjorn.”

“Of course.” Sivanna said sarcastically.

“I have no intention of doing so now.” he said.

“Oh aye? Is that so?”

“I have wronged you, I meant it when I said I wanted to fix things.”

“Fix me, you mean.”

“No... damn it. I made a mistake, alright?” Sivanna raised an eyebrow. “Many mistakes then.”

“I hope you are not expecting me to just forget it all.” she said.

“I'm not daft, but I am trying to make amends.” he said. Sivanna thought about it for a moment, she couldn't picture him doing this for anyone else. Apologies were not in his nature.

“Why?” she asked.

Vilkas stood and turned to her, his face inches from hers. “I could say it's because you deserve better, but that isn't all of it. What I did to you does bother me... but truly, I want to set myself apart. I look back... and all I can see is his face. I used you, just like he would have. I told myself I was doing you a favor, but I left you more alone than even he would have.”

Her throat felt tight at his words, he was selfish and mean, but he was trying to change. How am I supposed to feel? Sivanna wasn't quite sure. She felt betrayed, hurt, angry, and... sad for him. Why should she feel sad for him? He ruined what semblance of life she had, but here she was staring into those silver pools... drowning.

“I fucked up, Sivanna.” He placed a hand under her chin, tilting her face toward his own. “Help me fix this.” For a long moment, nothing happened. They were both frozen, eyes locked, their hearts beating audibly. “Vilkas I... I cannot fix you.” she managed. 

“That isn't what I am asking.” 

“Then what....” Her words were suddenly swallowed by his hungry kiss. Taken by surprise, she stiffened. A fire lit in her core. She felt his free hand slid up her neck, nestling into her hair and sending shivers down her spine. Vilkas pulled her crushingly close, his bare chest warm against her. Tentatively, Sivanna placed her hands on his shoulders, and snaking them up his neck to feel the rough stubble that grew there. Her legs felt weak, and despite the cold, she was burning. She pulled away slightly, gasping for air. Vilkas traced his lips along her jaw and onto her neck, leaving a trail of fire wherever he touched. “Vilkas...” she whispered. He groaned against her neck, the deep rumble tickling parts of her that she had not paid any mind to. Sivanna felt his hands slide beneath the shirt he had given her, pulling it gently over her head. He took one of her breasts in his hand, his thumb softly caressing her sensitive nub. Sivanna let out a jagged breath, the apex between her legs growing unusually warm... and wet. He took a step forward, his knee parting her bare legs. The sudden movement threw them both off balance and they tumbled to the ground. Vilkas landed on top of her and she laughed nervously as he shot her a very wolfish grin. What is happening? His hands pinned hers to the ground, his weight held softly against her. Vilkas slowly lowered his head to her chest, causing her pace to quicken. Almost painfully slow, he traced his tongue under the crease of her right breast, the feel of it sending vibrations through her very soul. Her back arched as she gasped from the sensation, body hot with need.

“Have you taken any maiden's tea?”, Vilkas asked, his lips brushing the sensitive skin between her breasts.

“M-maiden's tea?”, Sivanna asked through a daze. 

Vilkas lifted himself above her, an eyebrow raised in surprise. “Have you not heard of it?”

She blinked and shook her head, more than a little muddled by what had just transpired. Her alpha sighed, pushing off the ground to sit in front of her. “W-what happened?”, Sivanna asked. Why had he stopped so suddenly? Had she done something wrong? She sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“Nothing happened.”, he said. She could see he wanted her, his britches were tight over a large protrusion in his lap. Sivanna blushed and averted her eyes, embarrassed that she was still so naked. 

“Why did you stop?”, she asked shyly, watching him from the corner of her eye.

An amused look crossed his face, and he smirked at her. “Enjoy yourself?” Sivanna squirmed.

“You are not quite ready.” he told her.

“But... but that did not stop you before.” she said.

Vilkas frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Sivanna blushed harder. “Before... in the cave, with the wine...”

Recognition bloomed on his face, and he laughed. The sound booming from him as he threw his head back. “You think we had sex?”

Confusion swirled in her head, “Well, I awoke in your bedroll... nude. And we had kissed and then... I couldn't remember what happened.”

“We most certainly did not have sex.” he said through fits of laughter. “You got sick, too much wine. You vomited all over your clothes, your bedroll, and nearly got me as well.”

Nausea threatened to overwhelm her. Gods no...

“So all this time you thought that we had?” he asked. She nodded. “Why not ask me?” he asked.

“I tried.” she said, feeling defensive. “You kept saying Sivanna there is no time.” she mocked in his accent.

“Hmph.”

“Anyway,” she continued. “What is this Maiden's tea?”

Vilkas tilted his head at her. “It keeps you from unexpected surprises.”

“Surprises?”

“Children.”

Sivanna's jaw dropped. The thought had never crossed her mind. She groaned, hiding her face between her knees. Nearly the whole trip she had been sure that the two of them had become mates, only to find now that she had no stomach for alcohol and had spewed all over. She felt Vilkas's hand tuck her stray hair behind her ear. “Never you mind it.” he said softly. “Come, let's roast that deer.”

The rest of the night was spent in silence. Sivanna was too embarrassed to say anything more, and Vilkas was too busy chuckling to himself. When at last they were going to lie down for the night, Sivanna felt the same hot pressure in her center as Vilkas held her. Damn him, she thought. I suppose I had better find this Maiden tea plant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Well, tell me what you think! I'm slow burning as hard as I can lol hard...to...resist! Anywho, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Seems like lately when I sit down to write, the characters just take off, and I'm stuck here like the poor typist in a courtroom trying to keep up. (Not that I'm complaining!)


	25. Play Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and VIlkas try to understand each other a little better.

Play Nice

The next morning was thick with strained silence, at least is was so for Sivanna. She sat by the fire, fiddling. She broke branches into sticks, and sticks into twigs. The memory of what had transpired the evening before played continuously in her mind. Where had all that madness come from? Also, why in oblivion had she truly believed that Vilkas chose her as his mate? Confusion swirled through her, what should she truly be feeling? Should she be angry with him for lying? Filled with sadness, since they were not lovers? Happy that he had decided to be honest? Or should she be afraid of him? It was obvious that Sivanna did not know what he was capable of. To learn that Vilkas had used her, lied to her... and then traced her skin with his lips... What does he truly want? The thought of him intentionally harming her now, just did not seem likely. Even then, when he had attacked her, there had been a purpose. Still, Sivanna had not survived this long by being careless. Best to keep my guard up, she thought. 

Sivanna's beast had been unusually quiet about their situation. Surely, the wolf was disappointed, wanting so badly to be at her alpha's side as his equal. I have sadness for you, she told the wolf, yet perhaps this is best. The beast did not reply, sullen and lonesome as she was, she remained stubborn. Sivanna sighed. Not even her own beast would speak with her, this was the most alone she had been since before Arnbjorn had taken her in. She shook her head, wishing to be rid of every memory of him.

“Ear mites?”, Vilkas teased. It was so unlike him to joke, that she actually smiled.

“Gods, no. Though just as irritating.”

“What ails you?”

Sivanna shot him a look, to which he replied with an indignant shrug as he sat across the fire from her. Dagger in hand, he began carving staves for arrows. “I did not ask out of curiosity.”

Sivanna snorted. “Are you saying you meant to be polite?”

Vilkas flicked his eyes to hers, then back to his work. What is he playing at? The Vilkas she knew never bothered himself with being polite. Feelings were beneath him. Perhaps she should indulge him.

“I-I was doing my best to make sense of thing...”

“Aye, and?”

Sivanna cocked her head, it was almost as though he had known what she would say.

“There is still too much that I do not yet know.”

“Ask.”

Her eyes widened. Did he just...

“Take too long and I may change my mind.” he said, eyes still fixed on his staves.

Flustered, Sivanna rambled off her questions. “Why have you never told me that Arnbjorn sired you? What changed in you to decide to tell me now? What could possibly make you think that attacking me and then vanishing would be for the best? Does the rest of the pack know? If so, what do they think of your transgressions?”

Vilkas raised an eyebrow. “That all?”

Sivanna stared at the ground, face flushed. “No. Why... why kiss me?”

The almost humor in his face disappeared, replaced with the more familiar scowl. “How am I to answer all of them at once?”

“I only did what you told me.” Sivanna answered.

Vilkas sighed, putting down the dagger and stave. Resting his forearms on his knees, he lifted his face to meet her gaze. “As you wish. I will answer a question for you, but in turn you must answer one of my own.”

Sivanna couldn't think of anything that would be important enough for him, but she agreed to his terms.

“So, why did you not tell me about your history with Arnbjorn before now?”

“I had a mind to once, and I was getting to it. That day in the training grounds. Of course, nothing went as I had planned.”

“Why not try harder?”

“Ah ah.” he said, shaking his head slightly. “My turn. Why have you stayed with my pack?”

“I... I had never been accepted by anyone before, other than Arnbjorn. When I joined you, I felt as though I could finally be honest. No more hiding. Also, I had never met another like myself.”

Vilkas said nothing, but Sivanna noticed his jaw was firmly clenched. “What made you want to tell me all of this now?”

“You deserve the truth, you always have. Only... these are things that... trouble me. I have always known that I should tell you, and yet things are never that easy.”

“Is it me that makes it difficult for you?”

“Partly.” he nodded. “Now, what were you hoping to find in the woods that night, when we found you?”

Sivanna frowned. “Find? I was only enjoying the night. I searched for nothing.”

“Is that so? Hmph. As you say.”

“When we return, are you going to... banish me?”

It was Vilkas's turn to frown. “And why would I do that? After yester-evening, you still believe I would force you out?”

“I don't know, I never know what you are going to do.”

He chuckled. “No, lass. I'll not make you leave. Truly... I would prefer you to stay.” He seemed uncomfortable as he said the last part.

Sivanna pondered that for a moment before continuing. “When I kissed you in the cave... and again the next morning... why did you not stop me?”

“Stop you? Do you feel that you need to be stopped?”

“N-no. I just... why would you let me?”

“Why would I not? It isn't as though you resemble a hagraven, indeed you are... beautiful.”

“What is wrong with you?” she blurted. “You are not yourself. You're being... almost kind, and flattering. What is to be gained?”

Vilkas sat up abruptly. “Gained? What do you think I am?”

“In a word? Confusing.”

Vilkas snorted. “Girl, you make it hard to play nice.”

Sivanna opened her mouth only to be interrupted by him. “You get one more, and that will be all.”

She thought for a moment, wanting to be sure she asked the right question. “Vilkas, what do you want from me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So during this whole chapter I had drown by the front porch step stuck in my head. It doesn't really fit their situation, exactly... but I love it anyway
> 
>  


	26. Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas ponders his relationship with Sivanna

Conflicted

For a long time, Vilkas said nothing. What do I want from her? He had never thought much of it. Of course he wanted things, but he never thought to truly discover what they were. Damn her for asking such a loaded question. Was there even a right way to answer? He sighed, this time he had bitten off more than he could chew. He ran his fingers along the healing puncture wounds on his right arm absently, stalling. Sivanna would be expecting the truth, no doubt. Saying the first thing that came to mind wouldn't be getting him out of this one.

He looked up at Sivanna then, studying her. She sat cross legged, wearing his shirt that was clearly too large. Her chestnut hair was pulled all onto one shoulder, her golden eyes fixed on him. She wore a slight frown on her brow, it gave Vilkas the very strange, very unwanted urge to smooth it with his thumb. Damn it! He thought furiously. Why does she affect me so? It isn't as if she was the first woman he had ever seen. Perhaps they had been alone out here too long? That must be it, I need a wench to come warm my bed... then this strange feeling will fade. Vilkas nodded slightly, nearly forgetting that she was still watching him.

“Did you not hear me?” Sivanna asked, her voice bringing him back to the present.

“I heard.” he said grumpily. Truth be told, he still had no answer for her. “What makes you think I want something from you?” There, he thought, throw her off the trail.

She shot him an exasperated look. “Vilkas the alpha never does anything without reason.” The sound of her voice, mocking or not, stirred something in him that made it hard to concentrate. Vilkas wanted nothing more than to shift and run in the woods... or did he? He could still picture the sight of her beneath him, eyes alight with surprise and face flushed with lust...

“Vilkas?” she asked again.

He shook his head, Focus! “I need no reason to keep you in my pack”

She frowned at him again, bringing back that nagging urge to touch her.“That is not an answer, and you know it.”

“Well it's what you're getting.” he said, deciding it may be best to keep from looking at the her. Never had a woman had this effect on him. No matter what he did, the wrong words came out. It gave Vilkas a very negative feeling, when he could see that he had wounded her, one he was unfamiliar with. He needed to get home. He needed a strong pint, and he needed Farkas. A good arm wrestle or fight out on the training grounds would surely clear his head. Sivanna sighed, and Vilkas realized that she was still watching him.

“Look.” He said, his thumb and middle finger holding his temples. “If I had the answer, you would be the first to know.”

She remained silent, most likely searching for the next impossible question to ask. It must be so easy for her, and here he was struggling like a newborn pup. Aye, she suffered a rough start, but now she had a place to belong at least. She had Vilkas to teach her how to be both beast and human. And, so long as she earned her keep, she had meals and a bed. What more could she truly need?

“I've one thing to say, then.” She said, sounding determined.

“Oh aye? What might that be?” he asked cautiously.

“I want to know everything about Arnbjorn, everything that you know. You don't seem ready to discuss it, so I can wait, but I will find out one way or another. I would rather it come from you.”

Vilkas felt his chest puff up with his sharp intake of breath. She dares... “That sounds a lot like an order.” he warned.

“N-no.” She backtracked. “I'm only telling you that there are two ways that this could go. One, you tell me all you know and I hear along with your side of things. Or two, I find it on my own, and unearth whatever it is that you are hiding.” 

Damn damn damn! Sivanna had to be the most infuriating, most difficult, most wild person he had ever met. And yet, if he was truly honest with himself, he had developed a fondness for her. It wasn't anything important, or relevant, but he knew he could never tell her about it anyway. “As you say.” he grumbled.

The alpha stood, face turned skyward. It was dark out, nearly time to tuck in. Still, he felt an itch that was just beyond his reach, driving him mad. “When would you say we could depart?”

“How is your side fairing?” she asked.

Vilkas ran his hand over the claw marks, feeling the rough puckered skin. The wound was still tender, still painted a dark purple with bruising. Yet Vilkas felt confidant that he could travel, after all, he had shifted and already it had lessened the ache. “Well enough to walk and shift.”

Sivanna squinted at him, clearly unconvinced. “Sivanna, I have to get back.”

“On the morrow, we can journey back.” She conceded. “Though against my better judgment.” 

Vilkas nodded, a grin spreading across his face. Soon he would be home, and he could put this mess behind him and finally continue the search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had every intention of writing this story completely from Sivanna's point of view, but Vilkas was screaming to be heard... who am I to nay say? lol I'm particularly proud of this chapter, we finally get a little peak in his head!


	27. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and Vilkas begin their journey homeward.  
> Vilkas tells Sivanna how he came to hate Arnbjorn.

Turning Point

Sivanna had never seen Vilkas so... excited before. Through their whole trek form the woods back to the cobblestone road, he kept a slight smirk on his face. It seemed to say; I am victorious! So strange it was, that Sivanna worried he might be feeling feverish again. She didn't say so, of course, not wanting to break whatever spell was upon him. Things were nearly... pleasant. He had yet to insult or jab at her, which had her spirits high. Perhaps things were finally looking up? No, she thought fervently, best not to open myself up for disappointment. 

It would take a few days to return to Whiterun, Sivanna knew. She also knew how dead set Vilkas was on being home for the full moon... which was impossible. Though they were making good time, Vilkas was still weak. Sivanna knew better than to tell him that he needed rest, he would only push himself harder. She would have to take the fall and feign exhaustion. With a tired sigh, she readjusted the pack on her shoulder and trudged on.

“What could possibly be the matter with you?” Vilkas asked, arms spread wide. “Soon we will be home, and you can take a much needed bath.”

Sivanna huffed. “Speak for yourself, my scent is much more tame than your own.”

“Ah, but I am a man, we were born to be musky.”

Sivanna wrinkled her nose in mild disgust. Yes, he needed a wash, and yet truth be told, he didn't smell terrible. She sniffed at the shirt she wore, her scent mingled with his... stirred an unwelcome warmth in her core. She quashed the feeling as soon as it appeared. Now is not the time, besides, he doesn't truly want me. 

She must have slowed her pace, for when she looked up, Vilkas was quite a ways ahead. She jogged to catch up, hoping he wouldn't notice. He had his horse's reins in one hand, since Sivanna had forbade him from riding. Vilkas was none to happy about her “order”, but the fact that they were on the move at all seemed to soften the blow. Hearing the familiar clip clop of the horse brought up memories of Brun. A sharp pain hit her chest at the thought of the filly. They had not been partners for long, but there were many moments when Sivanna enjoyed the companionable silence with her. Whenever Vilkas would be in a mood, she still had Brun on her side... but not anymore.

To Sivanna's surprise, she realized that things had indeed been a bit easier when she was alone on the road. Aye, she was lonely, but there was no fresh loss, no feelings of inferiority. Sivanna truly couldn't decide what was worse, the lonely ache she had spending her nights cold and alone, or lying awake knowing that she was not good enough for the man at her back.

“What's on your mind?”, Vilkas asked. The sudden sound of his voice causing her to jump.

“N-nothing.”

“You know, you're not a very convincing liar. Even if I were human and couldn't hear your heart, you wouldn't catch me as a fool.”

“What makes you think I'm lying.” She could feel her face flush, betraying her.

“I've read many books, you are no different. All that you feel stays etched on your face.” he replied.

“You enjoy reading?” she asked, surprised.

“Why would I not? Besides, someone has to have our history within their head instead of pointing to that musty old bookshelf. I pride myself in knowing who we are and where we came from.”

Sivanna cocked her head thoughtfully, “So could you teach me then?”

“Our history? So long as you are willing to learn. You can read, can you not? I would rather not start from scratch.”

“I can read... Arnbjorn taught me.” she said quietly.

She saw him visibly clench his fists and grind his jaw. Arnbjorn really sets him off.

“I see.” His smirk gone, replaced with a hard set scowl. 

“So that is where your scowl stems from.” She said in realization. Truthfully, she had not meant to say it out loud...

He cocked his head slightly, brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“It's... you know how you always seem to be scowling? I just realized why you do it. Well, maybe not why... but who put it there.”

Vilkas turned his face back to the road, saying nothing. Curiosity nipped at Sivanna, and yet she couldn't decide whether she should ask him. One one hand, she truly wanted to know why he was so cold and closed off, but on the other, the past few days with him had shown the most real and human side of him that she had ever seen. She feared that his fowl mood might return indefinitely if she pushed him.

“You think you know me then?” A bitterness had seeped into his tone, souring his thick accent.

“Forgive me, Vilkas. I meant not to intrude.” She looked away, a familiar sinking feeling drawing her back into silence.

She heard him sigh, and watched him from the corner of her eye as he clasped a hand behind his neck, rubbing a sore muscle. “You're not wrong.”, he said, his eyes on the mountains ahead.

Sivanna did not reply, it seemed as though every time she tried talking, it resulted in a fight.

“What, nothing to say?” he asked. 

“I can tell that this something you would rather not revisit.”

Vilkas brow rose in surprise. “How... insightful of you.”

Again, Sivanna remained silent. She found it to be in her best interest, not to mention that it had better results than her questions did more often than not.

“That is true.” He said, nodding to her. “I do not like dwelling on what happened. But it seems that it has poisoned me. I know what is said of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“People will readily accept my help, yet they fear me. They think me wrathful.”

“Are they wrong?” she asked cautiously.

“Not entirely.” he admitted. 

“May I ask... what happened?” her curiosity had got the better of her.

“I've never talked about it with anyone, save Farkas. But not even he knows what I truly feel, I've spared him that, at least.”

“Why not tell him? I cannot imagine him seeing less of you for it.”

“No, that isn't why. Farkas is always so happy, or perhaps content is a better word. No matter the happenings, he finds a reason to look up. I've yet to see him sink into despair, and I hope I never do. My problems are just that, mine. There is no need to make him carry my burdens. He handles his, and I mine.”

“I understand,” Sivanna started. “But I disagree. If I had someone who loved me as Farkas loves you, I would be delighted to lift their burdens, and accept their help in lifting my own. To have anyone, love or not, to listen to me... to even hear me...” She shook her head. “It could change everything for you.”

“Noted.” he replied. “Yet that does not change my mind.”

“Then will you tell me? I am not like Farkas in the least, and you have no attachment to me.”

For a long moment, he gave her a look that she could not discern. Is that... frustration? Sadness?

“I suppose I could tell you, if only to show you who Arnbjorn truly is.”

“Can we... can we make camp? I grow tired, all the traveling and that hard shift the other day have me pretty worn.” Sivanna asked. “It would give you time to tell me.”

Vilkas made an exasperated noise, something akin to a growl. “Woman, I tire of this trip.” He said, but she had to stifle a giggle as he pulled the reins of his horse, leading the stallion off the road.

They started a fire, and spread their bedrolls out. Vilkas let his horse graze freely, apparently not worried that it might leave them behind. Sivanna felt a pang of sadness, knowing that tonight she would sleep alone. Tonight and every night after.

“Come, sit.” The alpha commanded. Sivanna obeyed, taking her place across the fire from him. The flames looked as if they were licking at his face, his body hidden completely by the dancing yellow and orange tendrils.

“Remember, I'm sharing this with you because I believe you should know who he is, not because I want to.” He started, a determined look on his face. Sivanna nodded, and let him continue.

“At first, Arnbjorn was like any other member of the companions. He received his tasks and carried them out, and would return to his bed when tired. No one paid any mind when he left Jorrvaskr. He would still come back for more work, but it was less and less.

“Looking back now, he was always cold, and cruel. But we did not have a problem with his methods yet. I suspect he met his ladylove, Astrid, during one of his contracts and that's what brought out his true nature. He hid his dishonorable ways from everyone. None of us knew what sort of beast he was until Farkas and I were to be initiated into the companion's inner circle.

“That night, my brother and I were both swelling with pride. Too naive to even think that anything could go amiss. At last I would finally be given the strength to carry Farkas and I forward. Never again would we need the help of others, we would hold our own. Now, all I feel from that day is shame. 

“Putting myself in danger had never been a problem, truly, I welcomed it. But Farkas...” Vilkas struggled with himself, his face full of pain. “He has always been right at my heels, and that time... it nearly killed him.

“If not for Aela, Arnbjorn would have claimed both of our lives. Knowing that, is what truly angers me. That I owe not only my life, but Farkas's life to the companions thrice over. When we had entered the underforge, the place where the beast-blood ritual was to take place, I knew not what to expect. 

“He was just standing there, shoulders heaving with every breath, monstrous. Neither I nor Farkas had seen a werewolf before, though we both knew that we were to become them. The monster that stood before us had madness in its eyes, it was much larger than a common wolf and it wore bristled white fur. He meant us harm, I could feel it, we both could. 

“Upon seeing the great white beast, we drew our swords. It came for me first, latching its fangs in me. The damned brute left my arm hanging by threads! Worrying at it like a dog with an old bone. Would've eaten it if Farkas hadn't knocked him off... the bastard. My sword arm was useless, my head swam with pain and fear, I was useless, weak. All the training I had gone through amounted to nothing in that moment. 

“He had Farkas's whole shoulder in his mouth... he kept shaking it... there wasn't a damned thing I could have done!” His voice trembled as he spoke, staring into the fire as if it were listening instead of Sivanna. Her heart ached for him, so she stood and walked to him, sitting beside him. She leaned slightly into him, yet he never moved.

“I tried stabbing the wolf with my dagger, but my off hand was clumsy and weak. If Aela had not smelled the blood... heard our screams... Arnbjorn would have devoured my little brother right before my eyes. She came in running, bow at the ready. The huntress loosed arrow after arrow, catching the vile creature off guard. 

“The craven fled, coward that he was. Denied himself a true warrior's death. As we lay there, in a pool of our own blood... that was when I knew that I had to put an end to that wretched monster. It was the last time any of us saw him. Rumors came that he had joined the dark brotherhood, so I began my search. I would find him, I would have my revenge, and I would see his head on a spike.”

Sivanna simply sat there, leaning on her alpha as the thought and emotions washed over her. None of it sounded like her Arnbjorn, but then, he had never truly been hers, had he? Vilkas was very earnest about the whole thing, she did not doubt that he told the truth. Yet it was such a horrifying, heart-rending tale. She burned for him, wanting nothing more than to ease his pain. Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Not only had Vilkas nearly died, but he had been forced to watch a monster attempt to murder his brother, whom Sivanna had gathered was the most important person in his life. It all made sense now, why he was so single-mindedly determined to find Arnbjorn, why he was so closed off...

“Vilkas, I...”, she whispered. He turned his head to look at her, his face inches from hers. The silver pools of his eyes filled with sorrow, much more than anyone should ever have to bare.

“I know.” Vilkas said quietly. He leaned toward her, resting his forehead on hers and closed his eyes as a shuddered breath left him. Sivanna tilted her head slightly, nipping his lip softly with her teeth, and then his hands were on her. He deftly pulled her onto his lap, laying kisses all along her neck. She pressed her lips to his, her tears falling softly onto his face. He threaded one hand up the back of her neck and into her hair, holding her close.

A new fire was beginning to build in her once again, and she hungrily traced his lips with her tongue. A groan slipped from him, the look he gave her was wild, feral. Vilkas bared his teeth at her, not a warning, but a challenge. She grinned at him, pulling at the strings of his shirt. He lunged forward, one hand still cradled behind her head, and pinned her to the ground. Sitting up, he pulled the shirt over his head, and Sivanna took the opportunity to wriggle from beneath him. She traced her lips over the many scars, both old and new, that marred his chest. She felt him place a hand under her chin and tilt it up toward him.

“I can't do what I want with you. You know that.”

Her heart sank, she felt her shoulders droop as she looked at him. She tried to pull away, but he held her still.

“But that doesn't mean I can't do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things.  
> 1\. I'm sorry for the wait, I've been very sick. Went to the dr and everything. (Unnamed virus with flu-like symptoms)  
> 2\. Yes, that is how this chapter ends. Have to give you something to look forward to!  
> 3\. Since I am still sick, and my 2 year old and 8 month old are also sick, it may be a little while before I upload a new chapter. (Maybe a week? We will just have to see.)


	28. Marked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas gives Sivanna a gift.

Marked

Sivanna felt her face flush when she realized what Vilkas had meant, he still intended to touch her, to feel her. The hand that held her chin slid slowly down her middle, lifting her shirt. Obediently, Sivanna arched to help remove the unwanted clothing. She felt his hot breath on her neck, sending delicious shivers up and down her spine. Vilkas bit her softly on the neck, then kissed the spot tenderly. Sivanna felt wild, like she couldn't hold still. A tingling feeling was radiating from her core, spreading up her spine and making her back arch even more beneath the alpha. She felt him chuckle into her neck, obviously amused by the reactions he drew from her.

“Aren't we enthused?” he smirked as he lifted himself up to look at her.

“Now is hardly the time for you to insult me.” she replied breathlessly.

Vilkas raised an eyebrow. “Insult? It was no insult, I rather like the way you move. It's like watching water ripple after tossing in a stone.”

Sivanna squinted. “Just what do you have in store for me?”

Vilkas's smirk faded as his face turned serious. “Always with the questions, woman. Wait and you will see.”

He sat up above her, his eyes drinking the sight of her. Once again his lips traced her skin, making a slow lazy trail down her stomach. The anticipation made Sivanna squirm, but Vilkas kept a firm hand on her shoulder, effectively pinning her down. She felt him lift her left leg and watched as he brought it to his mouth. The alpha nuzzled her knee, breathing deep her scent. He placed a soft kiss there, and swept his fingers slowly downwards, toward her core. Sivanna's face turned a bright shade of red as she gasped inwardly. His hand grazed the junction of her thighs and she shivered. 

“When it fades,” Vilkas whispered into her thigh, “I will await your return to me.”

Sivanna cocked her head, suddenly confused. She was about to ask him what he had meant when she felt his lips touch her again, high on her thigh. His tongue flicked at her soft skin, teasingly close to where all these new sensations were emanating from. Shock spread through Sivanna as his teeth bit into the soft flesh, pleasure and pain warring within her, she bucked against him. The alpha growled, disapproving her attempt at escape, so she stilled. She realized that her hands were cupping his face, and both her legs had drawn up, forcing Vilkas to rise to his hands and knees. He released her then, planting a soft kiss on her now throbbing skin. The look he gave her was so much more wolf than man, Sivanna wondered if her face matched his.

“Y-you look as though you wish to tear me apart.” she managed, her voice low and breathy.

Vilkas chuckled. “Aye, that is an adequate assessment.” He smirked at her horrified expression. “All in good fun, I assure you.”

Suddenly, and seemingly too soon, the alpha stood and began brushing the dirt and leaf litter from his breeches. He extended a hand to her, to which she frowned at.

“That's it?” disappointment apparent in her voice.

Vilkas lifted an eyebrow. “And what, may I ask, are you expecting of me?”

“More.” she replied hungrily.

He shook his head, laughing still. Sivanna quickly grabbed his hand and pulled his weight, shifting her position so that his back slammed onto the dirt. She straddled him and bared her teeth. Blatant surprise filled his face, and Sivanna beamed with pride.

“You cannot expect me to leave it at that.” she told him, her face just above his.

“Do you not realize what I have just done?” he asked her.

“I know what you did, you got me all riled up, and now you're going to say something like 'Come, I grow tired of this place' and you will just leave me lying here.”

“I offered my hand to let you up, did I not? And yes you are right, I am ready to leave.” Sivanna startled as she felt his hand touch the spot he had last kissed. “I have marked you, Sivanna.”

“Marked me?” Sivanna asked.

Vilkas sighed. “I have laid my mark upon you, to give you time. If, when it fades, you wish for more for more from me...”

“I come back to you?” she mused.

“Aye. What I ask for is not temporary, remember that before you crawl back to me in need. Now, are you nearly done?” He asked.

“Wait, so you... you wish for me to be yours? But...”

“You have a while yet before the mark fades to decide, why not think on it as we head home?” He asked irritably.

Sivanna let him up, her head still reeling. So he did, in fact want her as his mate...

Vilkas's voice interrupted her thoughts. “All of your clothes are bloodied or ripped to pieces, you will have to make due with mine.”

“Alright.” she replied quietly as she stood.

Once again they packed their things and began heading homeward. A silence had fallen between them, as they traveled. Sivanna knew not what Vilkas was thinking, but she was too busy pondering what had just happened to give it any thought. First she had thought that they were mated, but she had been mistaken. Now he had asked her to be his, and she felt utterly lost. It wasn't that she did not want what he offered, she and her wolf had been striving for it since she arrived... and yet there was still so much that she did not know about him. He had so many lies, what's to say he has no more? She thought. I do not know enough about this mark, perhaps Aela can enlighten me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there... it's been a while huh? lol Sorry about that. I was a little conflicted about which direction this chapter should go, but I've got it all figured out now. So the chapters should come more frequently now... in theory lol Anyway, I hope you enjoyed today's chapter!


	29. Juniper and Lavender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas reflects on what transpired the night before.

Juniper and Lavender

Vilkas cursed under his breath, the sun was falling behind the tall pines and they were still a day and a half away from Whiterun at least. He watched Sivanna walk past him, holding an herb of some sort. She thumbed the broad leaves softly, her gaze never leaving the road ahead of them. Surely she must be thinking of my offer, he thought. The alpha frowned, why had he marked her? Yes he owed her much, for the things he had done, and for what she had done for him... but in that moment he had not so much as thought of the idea. Did he really wish her to be his mate? He sighed. She had walked in and out of his nightmares since the night he bit her, but now the nightmares had changed. Sivanna no longer haunted him as she had before, now she teased. I suppose it has been to long since I last had a tavern wench, he thought, shaking his head.

“I'm sorry, Vilkas.” Her quiet voice brought him back and his head whipped to see her standing before him, her head downcast.

“What is it?”

“Tonight the moon will be full, and we haven't made it home. I know how much it meant to you to be with the pack tonight.”

Did it? He wondered. Suddenly it didn't seem as pressing a matter as before. A breeze lifted her hair slightly and brought her scent to his nose. Vilkas could never admit it, but the smell of her grounded him. The sweet mix of juniper berries and lavender that emanated from her made his knees weak. She smelled wild, but soft, and part of him wanted still to nuzzle her neck where the scent was strongest. Did she roll in the flowers and berries? How does she smell like that? He wondered in his frustration, frowning harder. Vilkas watched as Sivanna's eyes widened at the look he must be giving.

He cleared his throat, “No matter, we will make due.” He led the horse off the path and into the pines, trying hard to think of anything but the woman following close behind him. She was disrupting everything, Vilkas was supposed to find Arnbjorn, exact revenge for Farkas and himself, and clear his salty reputation. Yet with Sivanna around... his thoughts took a different turn. He wanted to roll her in the wet grass and lick the dew from her bare skin. He wanted much more than he should. Still the memory of her naked beneath him blinded him to the world.

“Vilkas?” Sivanna called.

“Aye.” he answered, keeping his eyes ahead.

“I cannot wait much longer.” she said, her voice breathy with effort.

His neck nearly snapped with how quickly he turned to look at her. She had dropped her pack and was lifting her shirt... no, his shirt above her head. Vilkas's jaw clenched as she tugged one of the laces that kept her britches loosely hung over her hips. 

“I... already told you...” He started to tell her that he would not touch her again until the mark had faded, but the look in her eyes stopped him. It was as if she were someone else, and in truth she was. Vilkas was staring into the eyes of a wolf, her wolf. The two of them sharing her body could not be more different. He had a hard enough time telling himself no, let alone Sivanna, but her wolf... well she was a force to be reckoned with. She was used to getting what she wanted. 

She was walking towards him slowly, her eyes locked with his. When she was just out of reach, she stopped and knelt to the ground, her gaze never wavering. She moaned softly, stirring his insides. Vilkas swallowed hard, letting loose the reigns of his horse. He lowered himself, and caressed her cheek with his hand. She bared her teeth, and he watched as they sharpened themselves into fangs. Fur spread over her in a slow wave as her body disfigured and reshaped itself. Her moaning turned to soft whines as the final changes took place, but never did her eyes turn from his. It was like nothing he had ever witnessed. Even as she padded past him and flicked him softly with her tail, he remained in awe. The tightness of his pants did nothing to help either, pure lust was pulsing through him. Hurriedly he rid himself of his clothes and shifted to follow her. He realized then that if he did not kill something, he would make her his tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! It has been a while hasn't it? Well after weeks of paperwork, I finally had a chance to sit down and continue our little story. I wasn't sure at first about switching the POV, but I think I'm enjoying the twist it is giving. What do you think?


	30. The Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and Vilkas enjoy another full moon.

The Pool

The moonlight filtered through the trees had a pale blue hue, spotlighting different parts of the forest floor. A fern here, a rock there, all things within the light starkly contrasted with their dark counterparts. Sivanna loped through the underbrush, her tongue lolling. She inhaled deeply, the smells of the forest were becoming more familiar the further she went. We are almost home! Sivanna told her beast excitedly. Her tail wagged and she yipped happily, ready for this adventure to be at its end. A chuff sounded behind her, reminding Sivanna that she wasn't alone. Vilkas was sitting on the path she had turned from, a hungry look in his eyes. She cocked her head slightly, and watched as he flicked his ears and shook himself, growling softly. Sivanna hopped at him and wagged her tail high, her forepaws low on the ground. She barked, hoping he would lighten up. Vilkas snorted as he lifted himself and began to walk past her, but just as she started to feel dejected, he grabbed her tail and tugged her to the ground. Sivanna rolled and yelped in surprise. Dust and forest debris billowing in a cloud before her nose caused her to sneeze. Vilkas darted off through the trees, his head high and smug. Sivanna bayed in mock outrage and trampled after him, more than delighted that he finally decided to play.

It didn't take long for the shewolf to catch up to her alpha, and she immediately jumped him. The two wolves tumbled down a rolling hill, bumping into trees and bushes alike as they both struggled for the upper hand. Neither one kept an eye on where they were going, too busy with their power play to notice the small drop off just feet ahead of them. The wolves toppled off the ledge, falling into an icy pool of water. The water was shockingly cold, and deep. Sivanna paddled to the edge and shook herself, spraying droplets everywhere. She turned her head is search for Vilkas, only to be tackled and pinned to the ground. He snorted at her and howled in triumph. 

Just before Sivanna could retaliate, resonating howls echoed around them. Vilkas closed his mouth to listen, ears pricked. He howled again and waited, seemingly forgetting that he still had Sivanna pinned   
beneath him. She struggled quietly, feeling at a disadvantage. 

Suddenly, Vilkas was gone. Sivanna sat up watching bubbles float violently to the surface of the pool. Two wolves shot to the surface right in front of her, and she jumped back in surprise. A large brown wolf had Vilkas by the ear, biting and tugging. Vilkas growled and shook, forcing his assailant to let him loose. Sivanna whined softly and the others turned to her. Is that... Farkas? She wondered. The walnut colored wolf lolled his tongue and ran at her, knocking her to the ground once more. He nuzzled his neck on her snout, and licked her chops. It was Sivanna's turn to snort, this was indeed Farkas. A traitorous part of her was thrilled to see him. She nipped his nose and rolled away from him. Farkas barked and moved to headbutt her, but she was much faster. She dodged him and shoved him with both forepaws back into the water. Sivanna raised her head to howl her victory, but the sound whooshed from her as Vilkas sent her flailing into the pool again. The three of them played like that well until the moon sank beyond the horizon. Exhausted, they curled together under a jutting rock and let sleep wash over them.

 

It's so warm, Sivanna thought groggily as she snuggled deeper into the scent of sandalwood. She sighed contentedly, then she heard a grunt. Her eyes flew open, and she realized she was snuggling Farkas's bare chest. A hand slid from her waist to her shoulder, the familiar touch a sure sign that Vilkas was cuddling behind her. Her face reddened, she was stuffed tightly between the two brothers... and they were all bare nude! What do I do?! Sivanna asked her wolf desperately. But the beast did not reply. Farkas and Vilkas still slept, perhaps she could wriggle herself out of this mess. She lifted Vilkas's arm from her shoulder, only to have him place it on her hip, pulling her toward the very awake part of him. Sivanna gasped, the sound waking Farkas. He looked down at her, a grin spreading across his face. “Good morning, Sivanna.”

Sivanna put her hands on his chest, trying to shove him away, but he didn't budge. His firm, warm body was like a wall against her efforts. She did, however, succeed in pushing herself further onto the alpha's lap. Farkas snickered at her as Vilkas moaned, pulling her against him. Sivanna's ears burned with embarrassment, how could this happen? She thought back to the night before, the play fighting, the water... of course they would curl up together as wolves, but when had they changed back?

“Something the matter?”, Farkas asked through his grin.

“N-no.” Sivanna answered, throwing Vilkas's hand from her hip and wiggling her way out from between the two men. She stood, turning away from them and brushed off the dirt and debris that covered her, even pulling leaves and twigs from her hair. She could feel them both watching her, their gaze warm against the chilly air. She shivered, not entirely from the cold and looked over her shoulder at them. “Do either of you by any chance, have a tunic?”

They watched for a moment longer, their eyes flicking up and down her body until she cleared her throat. Farkas glanced at Vilkas, and shook his head. 

“Of course I don't, woman!”, Vilkas replied grumpily as he got up and walked towards the water. “You're the one that ran off.” 

“That is not true, YOU ran off after pulling my tail.”, she said indignantly.

Farkas clicked his tongue in mock disappointment. “Tail pulling, Vilkas?”

Vilkas glared at his brother. “At the very least, I never pulled her by the ear into frigid waters!”

“Easy, easy!”, Farkas laughed. “It was all in fun. Besides, you've both been gone for so long, I was glad to see you.” He propped himself up on one elbow, still grinning from ear to ear. Vilkas let out a harumph and proceeded to wash himself with splashes from the dark pool. 

Sivanna decided she had endured enough of this awkward morning, and began trekking back from whence she and Vilkas had come. Surely their clothes couldn't be too far. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying and failing to cover her sensitive bits from the cold. 

“Where are you off to?”, Vilkas called from behind her.

“To regain my sense of dignity!” she replied and trudged on with a thousand unsavory thoughts milling around in her head.


	31. Recalling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three wolves start their journey home and Sivanna explains what happened to Farkas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while, hasn't it? Well I'm here now. Trying to get this show on the road, as they say. We'll see how consistent I am this time lol

Recalling

Sivanna pulled the tunic over her head, fully aware that Farkas and Vilkas were approaching. With everything that had happened, she felt exhausted. There were so many things that had been terrible about her old life, but sometimes it seemed as though there were less problems than she had thought. Why am I here? Do I really want to be in a pack? She sighed, pulling the waist-string and tying it off before slipping her feet into the too large pair of boots that Vilkas had lent her. 

“New blood!”, Farkas called from behind her. “I never got the chance to ask you before, how are you feeling? About being in the pack, I mean. Regrettably, most of your time has been spent with our sour alpha, but I'm sure it must be different from before.”

She furrowed her brows, turning to look at him. “I suppose... it's much more complicated than I thought.” Having a family had always felt out of reach, too good to happen. Yet, now that she had the pack... “I have yet to learn how to deal with them.”

Farkas slipped into his britches and sat cross legged on the ground. Sivanna noticed the britches he wore were too short and too tight, also a gift from Vilkas and his ability to plan ahead. She averted her gaze, focusing instead on his face and realized that Farkas wore a somewhat pained expression. “What is it?”, she asked.

Farkas shook his head slightly. “I was really hoping that you would embrace the pack life.”

“Who says I don't? There is just so much that differs from before... and it all changed so suddenly. Besides, why should it be so important to you that I fit in the pack?”

“I won't lie, I want you in the pack. I want you to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy in their own right.” He paused for a moment. “But it would also be a lie if I said I didn't enjoy the thought of having you around. Not just in the pack, but with me.”

Sivanna frowned. “But why?”

Farkas let out a short laugh. “Is it so hard to think I might want to know who you are? We could be great friends and better comrades if you ease up.”

“I wouldn't know where to start.” she admitted.

“Talk to me, tell me what bothers you, what you want. Don't make yourself uncomfortable, just tell me enough that if I were to make a joke, you wouldn't ruffle your scruff at me.”

Sivanna thought of his offer, it might not be so terrible to have someone that would listen. “I will try, Farkas.”, she said smiling.

“Are you ready yet? We are nearly home and I, for one, cannot wait to be within Jorrvaskr's hall.” Vilkas said, as he outstretched his arm to help Farkas stand.

“As you say, brother.” Farkas said, rising from the ground and clasping a hand on Vilkas's shoulder.  
Sivanna knew Vilkas would never say it, but he was much more at ease whenever Farkas was around. Farkas, on the other hand, always seemed cheerful no matter who he was with. In fact, every time she saw him he wore a faint smile on his lips. The differences between the two brothers were so stark it nearly made her laugh.

“So, where are the horses?”, Farkas asked.

Sivanna's felt a sharp pang of loss at the memory of Brun. She turned away, determined to keep her stinging eyes from spilling.

“We've only one.”, Vilkas answered. She heard him whistle loudly, beckoning his stallion to return. 

“Must have been some battle.” Farkas said.

“Aye, it will make for a good song to fill the halls when we return.” Vilkas said as the three of them walked toward the edge of the forest.

“You have some new battle scars, brother. Some, very wicked.”, Farkas said, nearly in awe. 

“Much as I hate to admit it, my eagerness to be home made me underestimate our foes. If it had not been for Sivanna, I might not have made it home.”

Sivanna's jaw dropped. Did he just?

Farkas whistled. “Didn't take you long to earn your keep, eh?” He clapped a hand on her shoulder and winked.

Sivanna's face reddened. “I did what I had to do so we could go home.” she said quietly.

Vilkas gave her an indiscernible look, but turned away before she could ask him what was the matter. 

“Well, given that our Alpha most likely did not say so, thank you, for fixing him up.” Farkas said, warmly.

“You're welcome.”, Sivanna said. Vilkas scoffed ahead of them, so she picked up her pace. 

The three of them walked in silence, save for the occasional hummed tune from Farkas. Sivanna couldn't help but smile, Farkas made everything feel... easy. Being around him felt so natural, as opposed to being around his brother... where nearly everything was difficult. Lately though, it seemed as though Vilkas was opening up to her. He was so close to letting his guard down around her, and she finally won his trust. Is he really so bad as I thought? She thought back to when he marked her... and what it meant. Is this what I want?

“What troubles you, Sivanna?”, Farkas asked.

“Oh... I just... it's been a long trip.” she fumbled.

He chuckled, putting an arm around her shoulder as they walked. “No need to worry, my new shield sister, we can head to the tavern when we get home. There we can get a pint or two, that'll fix whatever ails you.”

She looked up at him skeptically, and he cleared his throat. “Well, it could get your mind off of things. Besides, its the proper way to end a long journey.”

“Is that so?”, she asked. Sivanna remembered the strange feeling the wine had given her and the events that followed... such a strange thing. And it was customary to drink regularly? She wasn't so sure it was a custom she would follow.

“Aye! This being your first venture as a Companion, we have to go!”, Farkas told her excitedly.

“Agreed.” Vilkas said. Surprising Sivanna. She knew he favored a drink, but to want her to accompany him and Farkas was something else entirely.

“I suppose, since it was my first duty as a Companion...” she replied.

“I'll be damned!” Farkas boomed with laughter, “Never thought I could get you both to agree on anything!”

Vilkas harrumphed. “Say what you will, I need a drink.” His tone made it apparent that he would say no more in the matter.

“As you say.”, Farkas replied. He tilted his head toward Sivanna's ear and whispered. “You make him nervous, never have I seen him so on edge. And he is always on edge. What in Talos's name happened out there?”

Sivanna wriggled free from his grasp clumsily. “Well,” she started. “There was this bear...”

“A bear?” Farkas interrupted. “I was told you were to hunt sabres.”

“Yes, but the bear came after me. I was not prepared but... he killed it with a log.”

“A log!” he guffawed. “A bloody log!”

“Yes. Then it started snowing, and I... overstepped my boundaries.”

“How do you mean?”

“I scratched his muzzle.”

“So, you scuffled? As wolves?”

“Yes. We both got a little carried away I suppose.”

“Are you saying those scars are...”

“Sovngarde no! It was only skin deep. We both came out with minor scratches.”

His face turned serious. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, he only reminded me of my place.” She thought back to the moment, “Actually, he said something strange.”

“He often does.” Farkas replied. “But what happened with the sabres? Something must have gone wrong.”

“There were more of them than we had thought there to be. The cat stench was everywhere, there was no way to know... my horse... she tried to save me.” A lump formed in her throat. A vision of Brun filled Sivanna's mind, her belly a tattered and bloody mess and her eyes brimming with fear.

“Easy.”, Farkas said softly, pulling her into his arms. Cold tears spilled down her face and onto his chest. The smell of sandalwood filled her nose, and she inhaled deeply, trying desperately to regain control of herself.

“Forgive my weakness.” she said as she tried to break free from him.

“Sivanna, there is nothing to forgive. You feel remorse, and loss, that is the human way.” He stroked her hair gently. Human? That was the first time anyone had ever acknowledged her as a human. She was always a beast, an urchin, or a gutter-rat. This feeling, is what it means to be human? She thought bitterly, I don't want it.

“Why should I feel this way? It was only a horse! A stupid, ornery horse that wouldn't listen! I told her to leave, I swatted her backside, I threw stones at her feet! Why didn't she stay away?” Sivanna burst.

“She must have known you needed her. Where would you be, if not for her? Where would my brother be?”

Sivanna knew he was right, yet knowing the truth seldom ever made it easy to swallow. “I... stayed behind to burn her body, while Vilkas went to strap the pelts to his horse.” she continued. “He was ambushed, because I was too soft.”

“That's enough.” Farkas said, holding her shoulders so she had to look him in the eyes. “Why is it so terrible that you feel? If anyone should be at fault for the ambush, it would be big brother. He has been around long enough to know how hunts like these work. He should never have left you alone.” He sighed and shook his head. “I knew I should have come with you, and yet he insisted that you two should go alone.” He gently swept a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. Insisted? Sivanna wondered. Why would he insist that they go on such a trip together? Did he plan on marking her from the beginning? Confusion swept through her. 

“Listen, I can't see him telling you this himself, but you should know.” A cold chill crept down her spine at the seriousness in his tone. “Years ago, he nearly went mad on a hunt. He was after a man from our past, a bad man. He attacked a young girl. As far as I know, she survived, but I have yet to find her. We got into a huge fight, but I convinced him we should try to find the girl, we believe she was turned. You're in the pack now, I do not believe he would hurt you, but you should know that even he can be swayed by his emotions.”

Sivanna couldn't believe it, he had just retold her story. Wry laughter escaped her throat, startling Farkas, who looked at her as though she had sprouted another head. “Oh Farkas, you know nearly as little as I.” He furrowed his brows. “I am the girl from Ivarstead.”


	32. Not My Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkas struggles to come to terms with some surprising news.

Not My Fight

“You are... you were attacked in the woods outside of Ivarstead? In the company of a white haired man by the name of Arnbjorn?”, Farkas asked, a desperate look about him. Sivanna nodded. For a moment, he didn't move. His eyes were staring a hole into Sivanna, no right through her! His face hardened, she could barely recognize him. Gray-blue eyes were storming, his eyebrows drawn into an angry furrow, lips lifted in a slight snarl... He looked very much like his brother, and it scared her. Farkas was the happy one, the light of the trio, but seeing at him now you would never know it. 

“F-Farkas?” she asked cautiously. “I'm sorry, I should never have told you in such a rude manner.”

His gaze shifted to meet hers, “No,” he answered darkly, “You should not have. But he should have!”

Sivanna jumped at the loudness of his voice. “What in Oblivion's name were you thinking, Vilkas?”, he yelled as he gestured wildly about. “Have you not done enough? Did you think you could hide the truth?”

Vilkas turned to his infuriated brother, a stern look on his face, yet said nothing. An uneasy feeling was spreading through Sivanna, her instincts were telling her to run...

“Why would you not tell me, brother?”, Farkas asked, the hurt evident in his voice. He clutched his fist to his chest with his right hand and pointed to Sivanna with his left. “We made a promise. A promise to right the wrongs that happened that night!” he raged. “What good could come from you being alone with her? Stop thinking of yourself for just one moment and remember what it must have been like for her. Not only to find that you were the one that nearly killed her, but that you also brought her out to gods know where, alone. Can you imagine what she must have thought? How much damage are you planning on inflicting on this poor girl?”

It was too much. Somehow hearing it out loud made everything too real. She did not want to be here, and she most definitely did not want to hear any more. “That's enough!” Sivanna yelled, her voice breaking. “I do not need your help. I have made it this far on my own. Both of you treat me as though I am thin ice over a lake. I have not broken yet, and I'll be damned if I break now!”

“Sivanna...” Farkas said, concern replacing the rage that had imbued him.

“No. I am my own person. I can fight my own battles, or flee them if I so choose. That being said, this fight is not mine. This isn't even about me, this is something wrong with the both of you. Do not dare to drag me into your squabbles.”

“She's right.” Vilkas said, breaking his silence. “This has nothing to do with her, Farkas.”

Surprise and anger flashed over Farkas. “If you are so smart, brother, why are we always going back to fix your mistakes?” he spat. Vilkas gave no answer, and after what felt like an eternity of painful silence, Farkas began walking briskly up the path. He bumped his brother's shoulder in passing, hard enough to make the alpha stumble. Sivanna watched him go, and watched Vilkas put his mask back on, the scowl that he wore so regularly... but not before she saw the anguish in his eyes as he looked at her.

What... just happened? Sivanna felt dazed. There was just too much, she felt everything. Sadness for herself, and for the brothers, anger, embarrassment... She hated it. I do not want these feelings.

“New blood,” Vilkas called. “We had better catch up.”

“Vilkas.” she tried, but he put up his hand and shook his head before turning back towards the path and heading onward. Sivanna sighed, suddenly tired again. This is much more than I can handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do realize this is a short chapter, apologies! I thought it would be best to let this one sink in a little.


	33. Tavern Traditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three wolves head to the tavern despite their recent spat to celebrate Sivanna's first venture.

Tavern Traditions

True silence surrounded them as they made their way to the Whiterun gate. Sivanna dared not make a sound, for fear that the brothers might drag her into a fight again. She could almost see waves of rage emanating from Farkas. Still, she could not understand why he was so upset. True, Vilkas had not told him about Sivanna, but why should it matter so much? I suppose no one likes being lied to. She thought decidedly. The three of them stopped at the stable to leave Vilkas's horse, and the pelts from the trip as well. After giving the tired stallion a bucket of oats, they once again headed toward the city. Farkas opened the gate and made his way through, with Vilkas not far behind. Sivanna hurried to her alpha's side, casting a cautious glance his way. She was met with a blank expression, making her feel even worse. She moved closer, close enough that their hands brushed as they walked. 

Vilkas sighed, coming to a stop beside a vacant house. “Sivanna, now is not the time.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I cannot help you now.” he answered, running a hand over his face.

“Did I ask for your help?” she asked. Vilkas shot her a look. “It just seemed... you seem... lonely.” 

The alpha scoffed, baring his teeth. “You presume to know me that well?”

Sivanna frowned. “Not in the least, but I know what lonely looks like. What it feels like.”

He sighed again. “No matter, we need to keep moving. No doubt Farkas is already inside.”

I tried. Sivanna told her beast. Lately it seemed as though her wolf kept to the back of her mind, no longer as present as she had been before. Oddly enough, Sivanna missed her. The wolf had been her only company for years.

“Hither!”, Vilkas called. Sivanna realized he was paces ahead of her now, standing at the doorway to The Bannered Mare. 

She came to him, her head cocked. “Surely we aren't still going to the tavern?”

“It is tradition, and I still need a drink.” Vilkas said as he opened the door.

“But Farkas...”, Sivanna started, but it seemed she needn't worry for him. Vilkas lifted his hand in a sweeping gesture towards his brother. He was leaning against the bar, laughing heartily and smiling wolfishly at a barmaid who was doing little to hide her enthusiasm. Sivanna wrinkled her nose, to which Vilkas gave a chuff of amusement.

“Had you forgotten? This was his idea, after all.” Vilkas reminded her.

“I had not, I just thought that after what happened on the road, you both might have changed your mind.” she said.

Vilkas gave her a sad smile that made her heart feel heavy. “No, I meant it when I said I need a drink.” He led the way to the bar sitting a stool away from Farkas, and since there were no other seats to be had, Sivanna took the stool between them. The smell of fresh tobacco and mullein permeated the air, along with the thick heady scent of strongly brewed beer. All around her, Sivanna could hear laughter and slurred speech.

Vilkas held up a hand “Bridget, a pint, darkest you have.” The barmaid, Bridget, reluctantly turned away from Farkas. She smiled at Vilkas, blue eyes shining. One crooked tooth sat awkwardly, looking as though she were biting her lip. Small freckles covered her button nose and under her eyes, contrasting sharply with the milky white shade of her skin. Her auburn hair that had undoubtedly been pulled into a tight bun that morning, was now spilling tendrils of red around her face and neck. The vest she wore over her dress bore many stains from her kitchen work and the fabric had faded from use.

“Aye, Vilkas.” Bridget answered, somehow sounding as though she were agreeing to much more than pouring a drink. “And what for you, Lovey?”, she asked, eyes studying Sivanna. 

“I'll have the same.”, Sivanna answered, head high, eyes unblinking.

Bridget laughed, “Where did you find this one? Real spit o' fire, ain't she?”

Farkas grinned at her “Not so much as you.”

“Flatterer.” Bridget accused as she brought out their beer.

Sivanna took the worn tankard in her hands, a frothy foam was slowly spilling down the side. It smelled strong and dark. She wrinkled her nose at it.

“Nothing will come from staring at it.” Vilkas said, holding up his tankard. “To our new blood, Sivanna. May she always possess the spirit of a warrior.”

“Here here!.” Farkas replied clanking his mug with Vilkas's. The two brothers looked at Sivanna expectantly.

“What?” she asked.

“Gods, woman,” Vilkas exasperated. “Lift your mug with us.”

“Oh! Aye.” Hurriedly, she clanked her mug with theirs, foam sprayed and spilled on the bar. The brothers threw their heads back and drank as though it were water and they were on the brink of death by dehydration. Sivanna followed suit, choking down the dark liquid with effort. A familiar fire started in her stomach, along with another sensation that was even less comfortable. Pressure came up from her belly, causing her to belch loudly. Both Vilkas, and Farkas whipped their heads to look at her, faces full of surprise. Sivanna's ears burned with embarrassment, and she swallowed hard. The two wolves laughed, and for the second time, she got to hear what Vilkas sounded like when he was truly happy. She couldn't help but smile.

“Not bad, New blood!”, Farkas managed between wheezes of laughter. “That was nearly better than Vilkas on a bad day!”

“Ha! Perhaps in her dreams.” Vilkas answered.

Sivanna cocked her head. Were they not both seething at each other just moments ago? She looked at the new, full tankard in front of her. Has it so much power? Could their wounds mend so easily? Or was it this place? The loud, sensory overload could quite possibly be what made them forget why they were angry...

“Oi, none of that.” Vilkas said, putting a hand under her chin and turning her face toward his. The alpha's cheeks were slightly pink from the alcohol. “No one likes a sad and sorry drinking partner.”

“Aye.” she replied nervously, taking another drink to escape from his heavy stare.

“So, you can hold your liquor, eh?” Farkas asked, seemingly impressed.

“Oh, I wouldn't say that.” Vilkas snickered into his mug.

Sivanna shot him a look. “I'm working on it.” She was down two tankards, and feeling fuzzy. Somehow the tavern seemed even more loud than before. Her body felt like was on fire...

“Aw.” Farkas chuckled. “She's only a babe compared to the two of us, brother. Her next tankard might need to be filled with milk.”

Vilkas snorted, spitting beer everywhere, then cursed. Sivanna howled with laughter, while Farkas pounded a fist on the bar, nearly blue from laughing so hard. “Suppose you shouldn't laugh at me so much.” Sivanna said smugly, a silly grin creeping across her face.

“Trouble, woman. Always trouble.” His voice sounded ill mannered, but she could have sworn his eyes were smiling.

“Sorry to douse your fire, but its high time we close up. You can either pay for a bed or meander on home.” Bridget called out over the bustling noise. Groans and grumbles filled the room as people began to move along, coming or going. Sivanna tried to stand, and barely caught herself on the bar before falling to the ground. The room was spinning... or rocking from side to side, she wasn't quite sure. Opening her eyes widely, in hopes that somehow that might steady her, she took her hands from the bar, only to fall backwards. She hit something solid, but it wasn't the ground. Sivanna turned to see what it was and saw Farkas shaking his head at her.

“You've met your limit, lets see if we can't get you home.” He said, taking her arm. They stumbled slightly. “You're one to talk.” Sivanna accused, to which he snickered.

“Oi!” Vilkas called from behind them. “How dare you try to leave me behind! Am I not the leader here?”

His head was bobbing slightly, or perhaps Sivanna was swaying, once again she wasn't sure. “Come hither then!” She ordered.

Vilkas stood too quickly and half ran, half fell on top of her, bring Farkas to the ground as well. The three of them burst into laughter. Vilkas's breath tickled her ear, causing her to writhe beneath him, giggling. “Stop!” she panted. “We need to leave before someone yells at us.” Struggling to rise, the wolves managed to pull down two stools, one chair, and a table before finally standing. Sivanna stood between them, a hand around both Vilkas's and Farkas's waist, while the brothers each put a hand where they wouldn't be touching each other... which just happened to be her behind. Normally, Sivanna was sure something about this would bother her, but she couldn't remember why. They zigzagged their way to and out the door, where the cold night air helped sober them somewhat.

Sivanna breathed deep, taking in the scent of the city. The acrid forge, the smell of flowers and people filled her nose. Already it was the smell of home. “I think I love it here.” She declared.

“Good!” The brothers answered in unison. Sivanna snickered at them, pulling them closer to her. Jorrvaskr seemed worlds away, even though Sivanna knew it was closer than it ever had been. “Are you sure we have to make it all the way up there?” she pouted.

“Would you rather we sleep on the ground?”, Vilkas asked.

“Well, no.” she decided.

“Off we go then!” Farkas said. 

They continued their drunken sashay to the doors of Jorrvaskr, which must have taken quite some time, because no one else was out on the streets. Not even the guards were patrolling. Making their way to the beds proved even harder. They were whispering loudly and stifling laughter as they bumped into everything to the left and right. Sivanna wouldn't be surprised if they woke the Gods at this rate. Finally they made it to the hall that led to Farkas's and Vilkas's rooms.

“I believe I've had enough adventuring for the night. I'll see you both on the morrow.” Vilkas said, stumbling though his door. It was then that Sivanna had realized she had passed the room where she normally slept. Farkas pulled toward his room, while she pulled back the way they had came, causing them once again to fall to the ground. This time though, Farkas was on top of her. She had never realized just how big he was. His hair fell around her face, like a curtain hiding them from the rest of the room. He smiled at her, “Well well, what happened here?” 

Sivanna's eyes widened. “This was not my intention.”

“Could have fooled me.” he growled softly.

She opened her mouth to argue, but it was drowned by a kiss. He was warm, and sweet, and the feel of his growling on her tongue was invigorating... but something wasn't right. There was something Sivanna needed to remember... what was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first off, forgive me if I left any errors or spelling mistakes, I've been awake far too long -_-  
> Secondly, to my VilkasxSivanna shippers... forgive me! I had to... but remember the story isn't over ;)  
> and thirdly, if you haven't noticed, the shit is about to hit the fan! See you on the next chapter!


	34. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna struggles to deal with the nights events.

Morning After

Farkas snaked a hand behind Sivanna's neck, cradling her head as he kissed her. Still heavy with drink, she halfheartedly pushed at his chest. He pulled himself away far enough to see her face. He was smiling, for all the world looking like a fox in the hen-house. Unease spread through her. Surely there was a reason this felt bad... yet she couldn't remember why. Farkas was warm, and sweet, and her body was definitely reacting to his. What could be wrong... She pushed gently at his chest, silently marveling at just how solid he was. He lifted himself higher, braced on his hands and knees.

“What ails you?” he asked with a puzzled look.

“Farkas, this isn't...” all the coherent thoughts seemed to be swimming away from her, “We are on the floor.” There! She thought proudly. Perfectly good point.

Farkas chuckled softly, tracing his nose along her jawline. “Aye. If it bothers you though, we can move.”

Sivanna frowned concentrating hard. She should be sleeping, it was late. “I need a bed.” she managed.

Farkas lifted his brows, a sly smile playing on his lips. “Is that so?” He gently tucked a lock of stray hair behind her ear, and kissed her neck, making her gasp. She drew up her knees, accidentally knocking him on top of her once again. They laughed together at their clumsiness, it shouldn't have been so hard to stand.

Beside them a door open, Sivanna lifted her head to see Vilkas, eyes closed in a yawn. “Brother, I've told you before, if you're taking a woman, at least get into your...” The alpha stopped with a sharp intake of breath akin to a hiss when he noticed her. His eyes were wide with surprise, his mouth parted slightly. Sivanna's heart fluttered anxiously, THAT is why it felt so wrong.

“Apologies, Vilkas. We just ended up down here after you left.”, Farkas said, struggling to stand. Vilkas never took his eyes from her, emotions washing over his face in waves. First surprise, then sadness, anger, and then the worst of all, his mask; the scowl. Farkas went to clap a hand on his brother's shoulder, but Vilkas stepped back. The alpha turned to look at his beta, and struck him hard in the jaw, knocking him to the ground. Farkas cursed and spat, droplets of blood splattering on the rug.

“Sober up!”, Vilkas barked at him, sounding more like a curse. He threw one last look at Sivanna, his face cold and angry, then retreated to his room. Sivanna lifted herself into a seated position, her stomach in knots. How could she have forgotten? After all they had been through... and how close they had become. The look on his face just then said it all, he was done. Done with her. Sivanna's chest panged with guilt, this is not what she wanted. Already she missed him, feeling more alone than she had since they met.

“I... I'm sorry Farkas, I have to go.”, Sivanna said. A dark bruise was already visible on his cheek. The anger from this morning had returned, and it was pointedly directed to Vilkas's door. She wasn't even sure he had heard her. Picking up what was left of her dignity, she rose and began walking down the hall. All the torches and candles were snuffed out at such a late hour and the darkness was thick. Sivanna couldn't help but feel uneasy, as though someone were watching, but she convinced herself it must have been circumstantial. After what just happened, she was just jumpy. Strange though, as she climbed into her bed and closed her eyes, she could have sworn she heard a woman's laughter.  
***

The next morning was difficult, to say the least. Ria and Torvar pestered her for details about the hunt. Torvar's curiosity seemed friendly, just wanting to share stories with a fellow warrior, but something about how Ria looked as she inquired about Vilkas... made Sivanna feel odd. Ria wanted to know what it was like to hunt with him, if he was still quiet outside of these walls, what it was like to watch him fight. Sivanna hated it. She did not want to relive the hunt, and she certainly didn't want to talk about Vilkas with Ria.

After giving an excuse about training, she took her leave of them. Bow in hand, she made her way to the archery targets. Her head throbbed, no doubt from too much beer and little sleep. The sun was so bright, she was sure it shined in her eyes to spite her for being so foolish. Regrets from the night before were still very fresh, and her mood was sufferingfor it.

“Sivanna, how goes it?”, Aela called, spotting her across the training grounds. Sivanna harrumphed, waving a hand dismissively. She was so unbelievably tired of telling the story over and over. Really, Sivanna would rather be alone for a time.

“That bad, huh? I heard from Farkas about your hunt, you brought honor to the Companions. We will see about finding you a new horse.”, Aela said.

Like the reopening of an old wound, Sivanna felt the loss of Brun yet again. Will no one let this go? She thought bitterly. She needed a distraction, something else to focus on. “Aela, care for a run?”

The huntress gave a predatory smile. “Why not? You'll have to be quick to keep up, I won't coddle you.”

“I wouldn't ask that of you. I won't be left behind, I'm sure of it.”, Sivanna said, resting her bow against the target. The two of them headed through the Underforge, the strange ritualistic cave that only the wolves used. It led a secret path out of the city, which suited Sivanna perfectly, seeing as there were two people in particular she did not want to encounter. The smell of wet earth filled Sivanna's nose in the dimly lit cavern, the air warm and still. The sounds of the city were muffled here, it was a good place to escape to.

“All three of you have been very troubled since you came home.” Aela remarked, casting a sideways glance at her. “How long until you tell me what happened?”

Sivanna sighed. “It was a long trip.”

“Come now, you don't think I would know if it were just the hunt that caused this?” Aela asked, shaking her head. “I heard all the exciting bits already, but something happened out there. Something far more personal I'd wager.”

Sivanna thought for a moment, deciding now would be a good time to get some answers. “Did you know about the girl in Ivarstead? The one that Vilkas bit?”

“The Circle knows of her, but no one else.” Alea replied.

“Was she searched for?”, Sivanna asked.  
“Yes. The twins got into quite an argument about it, but eventually Farkas convinced Vilkas that the girl needed help. They never found her though.”

Sivanna furrowed her brows, “Vilkas did not wish to find her?”

“From what I understand, he was ashamed and wanted to forget that it ever happened. Farkas on the other hand, said as an alpha he was bound to help the girl. That he was responsible for not only what he did, but what would become of her.” Aela said.

“I see.”

“Why do you ask? Did Farkas tell you about her? Have you heard any tales of her?”

“No, I was the girl. The silly mistake Vilkas cannot rid himself of.” Sivanna said, laughing wryly.

Aela was silent for a moment. “That explains a lot. I would not go so far as to say biting you was a mistake. True, he handled it poorly, but you are a strong hunter. You would not have survived otherwise. His mistake was not bringing you home that night. That is his regret.”

Sivanna thought on it. Was that what he had meant, when he told her he wanted to fix his mistakes? Could that be why he brought her into the pack? To try to make up for the time she lost as a human? A traitorous flicker of hope reared its head within her.

“What does it mean to be marked?” she asked the huntress.

Aela stopped. “Have you been marked?” Sivanna nodded. “That was faster than I thought. Farkas surely didn't waste any time now did he?”

Sivanna shook her head. “No no! Farkas... it wasn't him.”

Aela squinted at her, then widened her eyes with realization. “The alpha?”, she asked in awe.

“Yes.” Sivanna answered.

“To be marked is to be proposed in the wolf way. You would be mates, your souls would be one. You would run together, hunt together... lead together. How sudden this is! I never imagined Vilkas would find a mate, much less want one!”

Sivanna looked away, unable to meet her eyes. “I... he had a change of heart.”, she whispered.

“Oh? Oh...” Aela shifted from one foot to the other anxiously. “We should get going, I know a great place to hunt.”

Sivanna smiled faintly. “You have my thanks.”

“We will see if you still feel that way when I take all the glory!”, she smirked as she unfastened her armor. The two of them stripped bare, preparing for the shift. Sivanna couldn't help but watch the huntress, she had never seen another woman in the nude. Aela's soft, milky white skin was dusted lightly with freckles, her breasts dotted with peach shaded nipples. Copper curls adorned the apex of her thighs, a stark splash of color. Her body was a perfect curved line, beautiful, and deceiving of the warrior it harbored. Sivanna wondered if her body resembled Aela's, having only seen her reflection in water, she did not know. The huntress shifted seamlessly. Auburn fur sprouting in a wave as she popped and stretched. When at last she had finished, she shook from head to tail and lolled her tongue.

Sivanna immediately began her shift, following Aela. It felt like she was finally getting that perfect stretch after being confined for too long. She yipped, feeling much better after shedding her human problems. They had not disappeared, but for now, she could let them go for a while. Now the only thing left to worry about, was the hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this is the most consistent I've ever been on updating. I hope you're enjoying the ride with me! I love reading all of your reviews! They really amp me up for getting the next chapters up and running :)


	35. Snow Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and Aela go for a hunt to blow off some steam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood and gore warning! Violent rich chapter here. Probably nsfw.

Snow Hunt

 

The two she-wolves skirted the outer walls of the city as the sun set behind the mountains. The auburn   
wolf led quietly and confidently past a guard outpost. In the dimming light, the beasts moved unseen by the men stationed there. Sivanna puffed her chest with excitement at the danger, knowing that even if the guards were lucky enough to spot her, she was fast enough to escape them. She wondered though, how far Aela's hunting grounds were. Sivanna could see a pine forest ahead, and realized that they would be hunting in the trees instead of the plains. Snow blanketed the ground there, and pillowed on tree branches. The sharpness of the cold reached her nose, along with the scent of wild game and snowberries.

Aela huffed, coming to a stop and nosing the ground. Sivanna trotted to her side, noticing the fresh trail that her companion had picked up on. She scented the air above the tracks, it's a troll! Sivanna had never hunted a troll, in truth, she had always avoided the creatures. Aela panted excitedly, tail wagging as she met Sivanna's eyes. The auburn wolf licked her chops, jerking her head toward the forest and Sivanna hurried after her.

Keeping her nose close to the ground, Aela followed the trail quickly. It did not take the two of them long to find their prey. An ill tempered frost troll was just ahead of them. It had bristled, cobweb colored hair, four deep black eyes, and half rotted yellow fangs that jutted from its mouth. He stood on two legs, knobby limbs covered in scars and warts. His massive hands had wide claws that could undoubtedly kill with one well placed slash. The creature beat his fists against his chest and roared a warning at the two wolves who disrupted his berry-fest. Sivanna bared her teeth and flattened her ears against her head, hackles rising. Aela bayed at him, mouth gaping, her chin tucked low. The troll came at them, its black eyes focused, drool dripping from its yellow fangs, knuckles scraping the ground in haste.

Aela ran to meet him, darting close and taking its ankle in her mouth. She yanked hard, blood spraying the white snow as the creature fell. It screamed furiously, lifting itself immediately. The auburn wolf loped back to Sivanna's side lazily as the troll limped after her. Sivanna cocked her head at Aela, wondering why she hadn't finished him off. Aela simply sat down, panting slightly, looking from the troll to Sivanna.

I see! Sivanna thought, you wish for me to kill it! Sivanna moved in front of Aela, blocking the troll's view of his assailant. She licked her chops and bared her fangs, growling deeply. The beast raged at her flinging itself on top of her. The beast raised a hand to bring down on Sivanna's head, but it had no match for her speed. She took his arm in her teeth and locked her jaws, feeling the bone crunch under the pressure. A shriek of pain sounded from the troll as he struggled to shove Sivanna's mouth open. Blood was running down her neck and onto the snow beneath her, its scent making her wild with the hunt. She moved deftly from under the creature, keeping her jaws clamped shut on his arm all the while. Sivanna shook her head vigorously, causing the troll to shriek once more. 

She let him loose then, just in time for Aela to leap on top of him, crushing his windpipe with her fangs. The two wolves panted heavily for a moment, as the troll struggled to breathe, and finally stilled. Whit the hunt over, Aela and Sivanna howled in triumph. They ate their fill before starting the trek back to Whiterun. She glanced at Aela, her muzzle was crimson with blood that ran down all the way to her fore paws. Sivanna guessed that she looked even worse off, she could feel the blood freezing on the sides of her neck where it had run down back as she was laying on the ground.

Sivanna whined softly and rolled herself in the snow, trying to rub off some of the blood. Aela cocked her head and barked, turning away from the trail home. The auburn wolf barked once more and flicked her ears heading out again, seemingly wanting Sivanna to follow. She scampered after her, not wanting to be left behind. Aela led them away from the snow, to a slow flowing river. She waded in the waters, the blood dissipating down the current as she went. Sivanna made her way into the frigid water, shaking her fur to rid herself of the red mess. The cold stabbed at her, making her homesick for Jorrvaskr's warm fires and soft beds. 

As soon as they were both clean, the she-wolves set off toward home at a quick pace. Aela led them to a bridge next to the city, where apparently she had hidden some extra armor for times like these. Sivanna marveled at the cleverness of such an act as the beast within her receded. The armor that she was given was the same as Aela's, Sivanna felt honored to be given the opportunity to don the same armor as the great huntress. They dressed silently, on the off chance that someone was crossing the bridge, they did not fancy being found half naked. Her muscles felt sore from the hunt and the cold, she was thankful to have Aela and her resourcefulness.

Aela sighed contently. “I needed that. A good hunt is like nothing else, wouldn't you say?”

Sivanna smiled, nodding. “Aye, my body feels sore, but my soul feels lighter.”

“The sun will be rising soon, we should hurry back.” the huntress said, eyeing the horizon.

They climbed the bank and followed the path back to Whiterun's stables, where they encountered an unexpected pack member. Sivanna spotted Farkas speaking to the stable master, holding the reins of a horse. Briefly, Sivanna thought of turning back the way they had come and sneaking through the underforge instead, but Sivanna remembered Vilkas telling her that The Companions were not cravens. She sighed and readied herself for the confrontation.

Farkas must have picked up her scent, because he lifted his head just as the wind picked up. He smiled, waving as he led the horse towards her and Aela. The horse was large, massive in fact. It was a silver dapple on black stallion, its mane a blend of silver and black. She had never seen such a majestic horse before. It snorted, pawing at the ground as the two she-wolves stopped before it.

“Sivanna, Aela, this is Agnar.”, he said, patting the great beast on his neck.

“He's beautiful.” Sivanna said with awe.

Farkas chuckled. “He's yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think? Another great awkward situation for Sivanna to endure! lol


	36. Strange Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna and Farkas discuss the idea of his gift.

Strange Dance

Sivanna's jaw dropped, to which Farkas reached and gently closed her mouth. She jumped at his touch, still unused to intimacy, especially from him. Truly, she wasn't ready to face Farkas after what had happened the night before. She looked from the stallion to Farkas's beaming grin. There had to be a catch... 

“Where did you find such a beast?”, Aela asked.

“Someone needed the help of The Companions, but lacked the coin. They offered me their best horse as payment.” Farkas replied proudly.

“You didn't take their only horse, did you?”, Sivanna asked, appalled.

He held up a hand in his defense. “No no, they had many. They were horse breeders with a skeever problem. I wouldn't leave them with nothing.”

Sivanna sighed with relief, living out on your own in Skyrim... you needed a horse, especially if you were a human. Still, she couldn't simply accept the stallion. 

“I'll take my leave then.” Aela said suddenly. Sivanna threw her a look for such a betrayal, but Aela just smirked with a shrug. She left the two of them alone, which is exactly what Sivanna was afraid of. 

“Farkas, I cannot take your horse.”, she said.

“No worries, Sivanna. I have my own,” he pointed to a large, red-brown, shaggy haired horse that was held at the stable. “His name is Roan.”

She frowned. “He isn't a roan.”

Farkas rubbed the back of his neck, “Yes, well, when I first went to buy a horse I was told I was getting Roan. Apparently whoever raised him did not know what a roan was. I suppose I could have changed his name, but I like it. Who says he has to be a certain color to have such a name?”

“I see.” Sivanna paused, trying to think of another reason she shouldn't take the gift. “Why do you wish to gift me a horse?”

His face turned serious. “You had a bond with yours, did you not? I know you miss her. Agnar here can't take her place, but you still need a horse. How will you carry out your missions without him?”

He had a point, Sivanna couldn't just walk everywhere, and she most definitely couldn't travel as the wolf all the time. She did miss Brun, but would it be right for her to get another horse so soon? “I have nothing to give you, Farkas.”

“I've not asked for anything.” he said.

Sivanna found that hard to believe, especially after their tavern visit. Was this another wolf proposal of some sort? Give a girl a horse and she has to be you wife? “Listen Farkas, the other night...”

His eyes darkened, storming very much like Vilkas's did. “I'm sorry, you didn't need to see that. I know how much you dislike it when he and I fight.” he said.

“Actually, I wanted to set things straight.” Sivanna said, squirming.

Farkas furrowed his brows. “I did it again, didn't I? Forgive me Sivanna, I lose my sense of boundaries after too much time at the tavern. Did I hurt you?”

“No, Farkas, you didn't hurt me. But you did hurt your brother.”

Farkas scoffed sounding more and more like their alpha. “He hurts others all the time.”

“I don't believe he does it with ill intentions, not like you did.” Sivanna said quietly.

Farkas stepped back as if she had struck him. “You think I kissed you to spite him?” 

“Why else would you? Right in front of his door...”

He frowned, clearly upset with her. “You must not know me at all.”

“My point exactly, and you don't know me either. You have no idea what happened out there.” she said fighting back tears.

“Tell me then.” Farkas said softly.

“Farkas, I'm just not ready for that. I don't know if I ever will be.” She said, her eyes downcast.

“Will you take the stallion at least? He's without someone to care for him.” he said, trying and failing to hide his frustration.

“I suppose, so long as you know that I have nothing to give you in return.” she said.

Farkas nodded handing her the reins. “I understand, you know. I may not know everything, but I see what's happening.” He took her hand in his and pulled her closer. “He is alpha, yes, but we are more than wolves. You don't have to go with him.”

Sivanna pulled away from him. “I make my own choices, Farkas.”

“You have a choice now. Who would you choose if we weren't wolves?” he asked.

“Are you mad?” Sivanna burst. “I barely know either of you. Its not something I can decide on a whim, if I wanted to at all.”

Farkas scoffed but gave her a smile. “Remember, it doesn't have to be him. Really, it doesn't even have to be me, but I'm here if you so choose.”

Sivanna sighed. “I won't forget.”

“I hope not.” he said quietly before heading down the road away from the city.

Well that was disastrous. Sivanna thought to herself. Usually she did her best to keep from confrontation, but here she was, essentially attacking Farkas for having feelings for her. Truly though, how could he have real feelings for her, he knew very little of her.

Beside her, the great stallion snorted and bumped her shoulder with his nose. Sivanna looked at Agnar, his large brown eyes fixed on her. “I'm sorry he took you from your home.” she told him. He swished his tail, watching her still. She ran a hand along his cheek, resting it atop his nose. Agnar blinked at her, indifferent.

“I suppose I should take you to the stable, I need to get back to Jorrvaskr and rest.” she told the horse as she walked him to the stables. She left him in the corral with a bucket of oats to keep him company, and made her way back inside the city. The sun had risen and people were beginning the daily bustle that still managed to make Sivanna nervous. She hurried back to Jorrvaskr, avoiding the townsfolk to the best of her ability.

When she finally got inside the great hall, she found it empty, save for Tilma who was dutifully sweeping as always. Sivanna snatched a cream treat and walked down the stairs into the living quarters. She wolfed down her snack and reached behind her back to unfasten the armor Aela had lent her.

“Where have you been?”, a voice called from behind her.

Sivanna jumped, choking on the cream treat. She turned to see Vilkas leaning against the wall in the darkness, his eyes bloodshot and dark, likely from lack of sleep. Sivanna swallowed hard. The sight of him stirring her insides instantly.

“Aela and I went for a hunt.”, she answered.

Vilkas said nothing, he only watched her. His eyes flicked to the armor she wore, lingering at her chest. “You have come to rest?” 

Sivanna nodded, thumbing her left arm-bracer nervously. The alpha pushed himself from the wall and stalked toward her. He stopped when he was close enough that his breath ruffled her hair. He slid a hand up her back, undoing the latches of the armor deftly. She scrambled to catch the armor before it fell to the floor, bumping her head on his shoulder in the process. The chest plate clanked on the floor, yet still he didn't move. Sivanna burned with embarrassment, she had been naked in front of him before, but it felt different this time.

“You wanted it off, did you not?”, Vilkas asked. The smell of cloves filled Sivanna's nose. She leaned toward him, taking in his scent. He stepped away from her. Dejection made her feel heavy, and she turned away, unable to look at him.

“You've decided against me, is that not so?” he asked, his voice devoid of emotion. It was as if he had masked not only his face, but his voice as well.

“Vilkas, no. I never...” she tried.

“Then what is it that you want from me?” he asked quietly. “You want me comfortably under your thumb, like Farkas?”

Sivanna recoiled from him. “No! I would never want that for either of you!”

Vilkas scoffed at her, giving her a wry smile. “Last night says otherwise.”

Sivanna's chest puffed with anger. “How dare you. Both of you. I never get the chance to speak the truth and you both infer what you want to be true! I have not chosen Farkas, and I have not chosen you. Until I say otherwise, stop fighting me for what you think I have done!” Tears streamed down her cheeks, frustrating her further. The alpha just stood there, eyes locked with hers, face blank. She felt infuriated, what made them think they could push her into doing one thing or the other? She was a wolf, and she was at the bottom of the pack. Even so, that did not mean she would show her belly every time someone bared their teeth at her. 

She stripped the rest of her armor off, glaring at Vilkas the whole time. When she had shed all the layers and stood nude before him, she turned her back and got into bed. She pointedly ignored his presence behind her until at last he left. Silent tears ran rivers into her pillow until sleep finally took her.

* * *

Sivanna awoke to the sound of music. The rhythmic pounding of drums resonated in her chest. She could hear flutes and some string instrument that she could not place. What is going on up there? Sivanna wondered. Slipping back into the armor that was still on the floor, she pushed through the door to investigate. 

The great hall was filled with people. Companions and townsfolk alike were singing and drinking together. Sabre cat pelts hung on the walls, and Sivanna realized that they were the very same pelts that she and Vilkas had acquired. She furrowed her brows, scanning the room for answers. She spotted Aela dancing by the fire, her arms high in the air while her hips swayed to the beat of the drum. I'll not be doing that. Sivanna decided, looking elsewhere for someone who could fill her in. Skjor and Farkas sat across a table from each other, arm wrestling. A group of men stood around them cheering and jeering. 

“Sivanna!”, Torvar stumbled to her side. “Congratulations! This feast is in your honor, you know! The Harbinger finally broke down and bought some of the good stuff!” He showed her his mugg and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“This is... for me?” she asked. All of these people, were they here for her? Why?

“Of course!”, he slurred. “You're the newest member in the ranks, and you brought honor to The Companions during your first venture!”

She frowned. “Why are all of these people here?”

He gave her a look. “It's the way of The Companions, we fight and we party... uh, not party, celebrate! Yeah that's the word!”

Suddenly the music changed, the drum beats were slower and the flutes stopped. Only the stringed instrument and the drums sounded. The women in the room howled and laughed, standing in unison. Each woman sashayed to a man of her choosing and danced before him. They teased, bodies nearly touching the men, whether they were standing or sitting. Sivanna could tell this was a very... intimate dance. She blushed, noticing that every woman in the room besides her had chosen a dance partner. 

Sivanna began sneaking toward the door, ready to escape this strange ritual. Only she came to a stop when she was halfway there, what she saw shocked her. It was Vilkas, and Ria. Ria had her backside lifted dangerously close to his lap, looking over her shoulder at him with a very lustful smile. He never touched her, but she draped herself all over him. Sivanna could hear him laughing... It was more than she could take. She ran from the room, heading into the underforge and shedding her armor once more. She let her beast take over, let it wash over her in waves until she was successfully hidden in the back of their mind. And with that, Sivanna went blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? I'd love to hear what you think will happen!!


	37. Taking Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna's beast causes some trouble for the twins

Taking over

The wolf howled angrily. She may not fully understand why her other half was upset, but she did know that another female was competing for the alpha. She growled, shaking her head fervently. She clawed at the door of the underforge, forcing it open. The night sky was bright, green lights playing softly among the stars. It was disrupted by the strange human noises coming from inside Jorrvaskr. She bared her fangs, ears pulled back. That is where the alpha is, the wolf knew. The beast locked her other half out, protecting her from the pain. Being a simple creature, she cared not for manners or rules. She only knew there was something she wanted, and she would have it. The other half always worried about everything, slowing her down.

The beast nudged open the already cracked door. The humans were flailing about and drinking themselves silly. The she-wolf kept low and quiet, searching for her alpha and the woman after him. In the dim lit room with all the excitement, no one even noticed her skirting the room, keeping close to the wall. The noise was deafening, and the smells nearly overwhelmed her nose. There were so many people, too many. The wolf did not care for humans, they were jumpy, scavengers. The moment you turn your back, they attack.

She scented the air, finally catching the alpha's scent. There he was, in his weaker form, sitting with a woman. The woman was flailing her limbs slowly around him, though to the wolf, it seemed her advances were going unnoticed. The alpha's heartbeat was steady and she could smell no desire from him. She snorted, proud that the alpha hadn't been fooled by such a silly display.

She closed the distance between them, standing to the woman's back. The alpha noticed her then, taking a hold of the woman and pulling her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and stared into the eyes of the wolf. He shook his head at her and looked pointedly at the door she came from. The beast flashed her fangs at him briefly, but did not move. The alpha scowled at her, silver eyes bleeding to amber. He nodded toward the door again, and this time she could feel his order. She turned from him and weaved her way around the humans, stopping at the door, waiting. 

Suddenly something was pushing her outside, hard. She snarled looking to see what had interrupted her. The beta. He was also in his weaker form, pushing at her with a worried look on his face. Apparently he wasn't worried enough, she could do much more damage than he could. Jumping back, she barked low at him, not wanting the humans to notice her still. The beta held up his hands, hoping to ward her off most likely.

“Sivanna?” he called to her.

The beast snorted and licked her chops, he was in her way. She had things to do, and there was no telling when her other half would awaken. The beta was walking toward her again, slowly. The she-wolf growled, not wanting to hurt him, but she would if he meddled hard enough. He was close enough to touch her, and he tried, but the beast nipped his hand biting only hard enough to draw blood. He cursed and recoiled from her, cradling his injured hand to his chest.

The alpha came through the door, fury written all over him. He looked from his beta to her. “What in Oblivion are you doing?” he demanded from her.

“Vilkas, she's feral.” Farkas said quietly, still cradling his bloody hand. She watched human emotions flash across the alpha's face. She remembered some of their names... there was shock, anger, and sadness.

“What did you do?”, the alpha asked his beta.

“I've done nothing but bring her outside, away from danger.” he spat.

The she-wolf growled disliking the beta's outburst against his alpha. The alpha came to her then, and she sat at his feet. He took her face in his hands and pushed her onto her back. He shoved their faces together, his amber eyes locked on hers. A guttural growl emerged from his throat, causing her to shiver.

“This is unacceptable.” he growled. “You know your place, and you know better than this.” He shook her head for emphasis. “Bring her back. Tonight isn't your night.”

The beast bared her teeth at him, and he grabbed her throat, squeezing slightly. “Bring. Her. Back.” It was an order... she went limp with submission and receded, letting her other half out once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, pretty soon some things are going to differ from the game a bit. Characters will die that do not necessarily die in the game. Not in this chapter, mind you, I just thought I'd give a fair warning in case it upsets someone.


	38. A Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna realizes what happened and makes a decision about her future. She encounters a stranger.

A Game

Sivanna's world came into focus slowly. The first thing she noticed was a hand around her throat, the second was that she was in the form of the wolf. She blinked groggily, realizing that Vilkas was pinning her down, gripping her neck. Her eyes widened and she struggled from his grip, scampering to the wall behind her. She looked around the area shakily, searching for an escape, and what might have caused this situation. She saw Farkas standing beside his brother, blood trickling down his arm. Did I do that? She wondered worriedly. Sivanna whined at him, her tail tucked.

“What this?” Farkas smiled and lifted his hand, stretching his fingers. “Worry not, I've fared much worse. From skeevers even!” He winked at her. She lowered her ears and turned her head, unable to meet his eyes. Shame blanketed her for losing control and hurting him. 

“Sivanna.” Vilkas called. She looked up at him ears flat and tail wagging slightly. “This cannot happen again.”

She knew that. She hadn't meant for it to happen in the first place. How could she know when something like this would happen again? Perhaps it would be best if she left, so no one would get hurt. I almost revealed to the entire town that The Companions are werewolves! I am a danger to them! 

Sivanna turned tail and sprinted into the underforge. She continued out past the farms, leaving the city behind. Staying alongside the river, she ran downstream. She passed sabre cats who were too comfortable to chase after her, and mudcrabs that paid no mind at all. Soon the city could not be seen over her shoulder and she relaxed somewhat. Finally, her legs gave out beneath her. She lay next to the calm flowing water panting heavily, looking back the way she had come. Whiterun was no longer visible, but it wasn't far enough. Truth be told, she was surprised that she had managed to run so far without stopping.

When at last she had the strength to stand, she wobbled her way to the water and lapped up the frosty snowmelt. What happened? Sivanna asked her wolf, and yet her beast held the silence. Frustration coiled within her. What happened?! Still nothing. Exhaustion pulled her down, she was so tired. 

* * *

“Sivanna?” a sing song voice called out, waking her. She opened her eyes to see a man before her. He wore tightly fitted black armor with distinct red patches, if one could call it that. It had to be light armor, it did not look as though it could protect him from much other than being seen in the dark. His face was hidden under a hood and cowl of the same fashion. Brown eyes peered at her, the only thing visible under the black hood. 

She lifted her head from her fore-paws and cocked it at him. How would anyone know who she was in her wolf form, other than the members of her pack? And why would he be so far out in the wilderness like this? Something was not right.

“You are Sivanna, aren't you?” he asked coming closer. His right hand hovered over the hilt of a dagger at his belt. She stood immediately, baring her fangs at the stranger.

“Now now, I've not come to kill you. See, someone from your past really wants to see you.” he said, inching closer to her.

Sivanna widened her stance, growling. Something was... off about this man. She scented the air and froze with recognition. This man, he knew Arnbjorn! She could smell his scent mingled with this stranger's. More than anything though, she could smell blood. He reeked of it.

“No need to get upset, we can play a game, if you like.” he said excitedly. “If I win, I bring you back with me, and if you win... I die.” He laughed wickedly. “I never lose.”

Sivanna took a step back, he was crazed! His mind must be addled! She decided. I must not go with him.

“On the count of three, ready? One... three!” he was laughing again, the sound like a crow caught in a trap. He lunged at her, slashing with his dagger. The blade grazed her shoulder as she rolled away from him. “Whoops! Guess I had better learn to count!” he said, laughing and slashing.

He was fast, darting in and out of range too quickly for Sivanna to avoid him. Shallow cuts marred her sides, stinging in the cold. Things were looking grim, if something didn't change, she was going to lose! Sivanna crouched low to the ground, waiting for him to come at her again. He wagged a finger at her and clicked his tongue.

“Now what kind of assassin would I be if I fell for that?” He asked, brown eyes shining with delight as he twirled his dagger in one hand.

Sivanna leapt at him, the surprise evident in his eyes. Knocking the dagger out of his reach, she pinned him to the earth. “Huh.” he said, still amused. “I guess I lost.” He was still laughing as she snapped his neck with her teeth. The sound of it distorted and gurgled as life left him. Sivanna knew it would haunt her forevermore. Disgust roiled in her belly. She crawled off of him and began licking her wounds, attempting to shake the fear that still gripped her. A strange taste was mingled with her blood. Poison! She realized with horror. 

Sivanna immediately began running up the riverbank, back toward Whiterun. She had to warn the twins, the Dark Brotherhood was coming. Her vision was beginning to blur, but she pushed on, she had to. She howled as she ran, praying the twins would hear her, or Aela, or Kodlak, or even Skjor. Her legs were going numb, a strange prickling sensation rising from her paws caused her to trip. Her body felt so heavy... she skid in the dirt and rolled to a stop. Try as she may, she couldn't lift herself, so she howled. She howled and howled until she couldn't move. All she could do was breathe and blink. Paralyzed and alone, she lay beside the road unable to defend herself... Gods help me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did this chapter flow well to you? I hope so, but I can't help but feel it might be a little.. jumpy perhaps? Oh well, exciting things happening so I suppose it works for the mood.


	39. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins head out to find Sivanna.

Searching

Vilkas was standing in front of Whiterun's walls, overlooking the plains below. He watched sullenly as Sivanna bolted down the riverside. The she-wolf ran as though a fleet of soldiers were just at her tail. He pounded his fist on the stone, cursing. Everything was falling apart, again. All he could do was stand by as he disappointed his loved ones. An alpha was supposed to protect the pack, yet lately it seemed he only succeeded in causing them pain. Farkas was still sore at him, truth be told, Vilkas was still raw about what his brother had done anyway. Sivanna though... he desperately wished to help her. Not only did he feel he owed her that, but she stirred something in him. No, she had awoken something in him, a feeling that he had long believed to be dead. Her words clearly echoed through his mind; “I have not chosen Farkas, and I have not chosen you!” It should have put him at ease, but seeing her with Farkas... his face buried in her neck... filled him with enough rage that he nearly choked.

“I'm going after her.” Farkas said, heading into the underforge. “You can do as you please, but know this is your fault, brother.”

Vilkas did not reply. He grew tired of fighting with his brother, upset as he was. Damn! The alpha thought frustratedly, how am I to make amends? Should I follow? He thought on it for a moment. If what Sivanna had said was true, then Farkas was still trying to make her his woman. The fool didn't even know that she bore his mark. In truth, she did not belong to either of them, but pack law required that she have time until the mark fades before another wolf pursued her. Putting all that aside, Sivanna needed help controlling her beast. She had gone feral, in the city! Worse than that, within Jorrvaskr and surrounded by humans! Sivanna must gain control of her wolf, and yet he knew she could not do it alone. Aye, Farkas could help some, but as an alpha, Vilkas was better suited to the task. His mind made up, he gritted his teeth and set off after them.

The alpha walked into the underforge, closing the hidden stone door behind him. Farkas was already shifting, his armor strewn haphazardly about. Vilkas followed suit, removing his layers and piling them on the ground. He braced himself as the change began, letting it roll over him in waves. His skin itched as the fur sprouted from him, easily his least favorite part of the process. Of course, the bones popping was a bit uncomfortable, but an itch that you couldn't scratch was just unbearable. When at last he stood a wolf, he rolled in the dirt, satisfying the urge with a whine.

His brother was already long gone, having left with great haste. Vilkas snorted the dust from his nose, and trotted from the cave. He could see Farkas running ahead, likely already on Sivanna's trail. Scenting the air, the alpha headed toward the river, watching for guards or farmers that might notice an overly large wolf in the early morning sun. Farm animals were just beginning to call out, greeting the new day. A windmill turned slowly in the breeze, creaking slightly. No humans could be seen anywhere. Satisfied that the town still yet slept, he rushed down the riverside. Two pairs of wolf tracks assured him that he was on the right path. His paws thudded against the earth, flinging river mud in their wake. Chirping insects buzzed loudly as he passed them, and the cold smell of rain water and snow melt filled his nose. The wind whipped his fur, stinging his eyes. Vilkas relished in it. He loved the chase, the building excitement as he ran, closing in on his prey. Only this time, it wasn't a hunt. This time he would find Sivanna and help her instead of hurt her. 

A faint noise in the distance reached his ears and he skid to a stop in the mud. He pricked his ears, listening. There it was again! Howling! Sivanna! He could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, urging him to move. Vilkas snarled and bolted toward the sound, his fear for her growing. Damn! He thought bitterly, How does that woman always seem to find trouble? Another howl could be heard, much closer this time. It had to be Farkas. Vilkas answered them both with a howl of his own, the sound distorting as he continued to run. What could have happened? Vilkas wondered. What could she possibly have gotten herself into this time? He was moving so quickly that he almost did not recognize the familiar scent that wafted from the trail now. The blood soaked stench was undeniable, and always laced with poison. The Dark Brotherhood. Damn! Damn! Damn! He pushed himself harder, moving as fast as his legs could go.

It did not take long for him to reach Sivanna, Farkas standing at her side, licking her ear with a worried whimper. She lay in a russet colored heap, blood and mud covered her entire body. Her eyes were closed, her breathing weak and pitiful. Vilkas rushed to her, nosing her muzzle softly. She did not respond. He sniffed her wounds, picking out the smell of poison. Damn cravens! He yelled internally, the sound turning to a growling bark. Farkas looked up at him questioningly. He flicked his ears, looking back the way they had come. Vilkas new they had to get her home, they couldn't save her alone. The alpha growled at his brother, looking from him to the ground pointedly. Farkas immediately crouched down beside Sivanna, waiting. Careful with her wounds, Vilkas took Sivanna's scruff in his teeth and draped her over Farkas's shoulders. He tugged her tail lightly, situating her on his beta's back. He chuffed at Farkas, letting him know they were ready to leave. The beta rose slowly and began trekking back toward home as fast as he safely could, with Vilkas at his side. He watched the woman he loved as she suffered, and a single thought came to his mind; I will not allow even one of those damned assassins to live!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Right? As if TDB would just fade into the background lol


	40. Poisoned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins bring Sivanna back to Jorrvaskr

Poisoned

Vilkas snuck his way beneath the bridge. It was unsafe for all three of the wolves to venture this far into civilization in broad daylight, but Sivanna was badly hurt... so the alpha had gone ahead to fetch some of spare armor that the pack kept hidden here. He had not left the two of them far behind, but he made certain they would be safe until he returned. When he was positive no one could hear him, he let the wolf bleed back, revealing himself as a man once more. He dressed himself hastily, and snatched another set of armor for Farkas, and a tunic and breeches for Sivanna. Already he was annoyed with how slow he moved in this form, regretting the decision to leave the others across the river. He whistled loudly and watched as a very large walnut colored wolf emerged from behind an outcropping of large boulders. Sivanna still limp on his back, he crossed the river slowly. Luckily, the waters were shallow enough that Farkas could wade across instead of swim... Vilkas shuddered at the thought of Sivanna slipping into the depths in her condition. 

Farkas gently rolled Sivanna off of his shoulders and into Vilkas's arms. He then proceeded to shift back, caging his wolf so they could bring Sivanna home. Vilkas ran his fingers through her mud caked, bloody fur. His throat felt oddly tight, and he had a very strong urge to hit something... or someone. 

“Can you smell them brother? Their scent is all over her!” Farkas exclaimed as he pulled on his boots.

“Aye. The Dark Brotherhood must have a contract on her.” Vilkas said, rage spreading like wildfire within him.

“She smells wrong, Vilkas.” Farkas said quietly, tightened the straps of his armor..

“Aye, she's been poisoned.” he said.

“Damned silver wielders! We have to get her back to Jorrvaskr!” Farkas yelled anxiously.

“I'm aware!” Vilkas snapped. “But we can't exactly bring her home like this.”

“What then?” Farkas asked, the desperation evident in his voice.

“I'll have to try to bring Sivanna out.” he replied.

“Is that possible?”

“If she were awake, it would have been done already, but I have yet to try it with an unconscious pack-member.” Vilkas shook his head, unsure.

“Make haste then! Something must be done!” Farkas yelled.

Vilkas scowled at him for the order, but he knew Farkas was right. The alpha took Sivanna's head in his hands, stroking it softly, and whispered in her ear. “Sivanna, you must return now. I cannot bring you home like this.”

Nothing happened. Her breathing remained the same, and her eyes were still closed. Frustrated, he tried again. “Dammit Sivanna, come back. How am I to help if you don't turn back?”

“It isn't working, brother.”, Farkas said.

Vilkas felt his eyes bleed to amber, channeling all of the wolf into his order. “Sivanna, come back to me!”

He held his breath, waiting, hoping that she might peek up at him. She did not, but slowly, much more slowly than was normal, the fur began to recede. Vilkas held her loosely as she changed from a beast to a woman on his lap. Immediately he slipped the tunic over her head and lifted her from the ground. She won't be needing the breeches, he thought to himself. The tunic was long on her, hiding all that needed covered. He then began making his way back to Whiterun.

“Go, Farkas.” He said. “Find Tilma at once, she can mend Sivanna. Then tell the others to search the river. ”

“Aye, hurry brother.” Farkas called over his shoulder as he ran. Surprisingly fast for someone so large, his brother sprinted up the road and faded from view. Vilkas watched Sivanna as he went, worry turning his fingers cold. She had dark bruise-like circles under her eyes and her lips were cracked and dry. Her usually cream colored skin was now white as bone. The scent of juniper berries and lavender that he loved so much was now tainted with the bitter smell of poison, mud, silver, and blood. He was so afraid for her...

“I'll get you home, Sivanna. It's my turn to care for you.” Vilkas said, resting his cheek on her forehead.

Townsfolk along the road began to notice them, stopping and watching him carry the very sick woman. He could hear them whispering about her, about him. It made him sick. Sivanna would be fine! What did they know of her? They knew nothing! She was much stronger than she ever let on to him, let alone all these strangers. The alpha scowled at them, dispersing them with just a look. 

He passed through the gate to the city, taking his steps in bounds until at last he reached Jorrvaskr. The door was already wide open, and Farkas could be heard barking orders. His brother rarely ever commanded anyone. It might have been amusing if it weren't so sad. Tilma greeted the alpha with a wave, beckoning for him. Vilkas brought Sivanna inside, following the handmaid into his room. Normally he would be surprised that Tilma chose his chambers to treat a young woman, but there was no time to dwell on it now.

“Farkas tells me she was poisoned?” Tilma asked as she helped Vilkas lay Sivanna on the bed.

“Aye. The Dark Brotherhood sent their assassins after her.” he replied, still clinging to Sivanna's hand.

Tilma nodded, swiping a finger over one of the many open wounds. She brought the bloody finger to her mouth, and immediately spit. “Canis root, silver, and something other that I cannot place. Whatever it was, it was meant to paralyze her, not kill her.” 

Vilkas watched Sivanna's pale face. “It has done much more than that by the look of things.”

“The poison disagrees with her.”

“Damn well any poison would disagree with her! Or anyone for that matter!” he spat.

She shot him a sympathetic look. “Something that was in that poison is causing a reaction, it could very well be lethal. Most likely the silver.”

“What do we need? What ingredients do you wish me to fetch?” Vilkas asked, standing ready to leave as soon as she gave word.

Tilma sighed, shaking her head. “Young one...”

“No dammit! You'll not be doing that! Fix this,” Vilkas burst, “You must!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm particularly proud of this chapter, it moved me the entire time that I worked on it. I do realize that not too much happened in it, but I hope you can see how big a step it is for Sivanna to unconsciously return to her normal self at the sound of his voice... Idk, his concern for her, as well as Farkas's just makes me all choked up lol silly me


	41. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins attempt to care for Sivanna with Tilma's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy today's update! I won't be updating again for a while, sorry! I left the reason down below this chapter, if you wish to know. You're not obligated to read it, by any means, but I wanted to let you all know that I wasn't just deciding to be lazy. Anyway, happy reading!

Brothers

Vilkas hoped off his horse, heading away from the path and into the woods. The air was cool, but not as cold as it had been. He lifted the parchment that was tucked in his side pouch, studying the plant that was depicted. Stinging nettle.. sounds pleasant. He thought to himself. Apparently this plant would help Sivanna, so the alpha had set out immediately to find it. After quite some time inspecting every plant he came across, he found one that looked very much like the illustration on his parchment. In his rush to leave and get the ingredients Tilma had asked for, he had forgotten to ask which part he was supposed to harvest. I suppose I should bring the whole damned plant, can't be wrong there. Vilkas reached for it, grabbing the stem and recoiled instantly.

“Son of a horker loving skeever!” he cursed, shaking his wrist. Tendrils of pain much like fire stabbed across his forearm. How in oblivion was this plant going to help? For Talos's sake, it would probably kill her! He studied his arm, and noticed something quite familiar about the smell that the plant exuded. The alpha inhaled deeply, trying to place the memory with the scent. That's it! He realized, it has the same scent as the poultice Sivanna had made for me. The thought of it made him feel hollow. She had toiled herself with such an ornery plant for his sake, and never even complained, and now that she needed it he couldn't... Clenching his jaw, he took the plant by the stem once more, yanking it from the ground and flinging it behind him. Four plants he harvested, inventing new and colorful curse words all the while. The alpha stuffed them into a sack, strapped them to his horse, and hurried back the way he had come. He needed garlic, bone broth, and fresh chickens next.

With no one else traveling with him, Vilkas had quickly returned to town. Shouldering the sack, he made his way to the market. The alpha bought three chickens, and five water skins filled with bone broth. Of course, he could have brewed the broth himself, but he lacked the time. He watched impatiently as the butcher tied the fowl together by their legs, stretching out his hand and snatching them in a rush. Arms still tingling from the nettles, he sprinted back to Jorrvaskr. 

“Tilma!” he called, opening the door to his room. She sat on a bedside stool, running a wet cloth over Sivanna's wounds. The old woman had Sivanna completely clean now, no more mud, and no more blood. 

“Keep it down!”, Tilma shushed him, a finger to her lips. “She has yet to waken, and I would prefer it stay that way.”

“I brought what you asked for.” Vilkas dumped his findings on the table across the room. 

Tilma set the cloth in a pan of water on the floor and came to him. She picked up the garlic braid he had brought from the great hall. “Pluck those chickens, and throw them in a pot. Fill it with the bone broth and garlic.”

“Aye.”, he said, stuffing everything back into the sack.

“No no, young one.” Tilma said, putting a hand on his. “Leave the nettle, and leave me some of the garlic.”

“It has a fierce bite to it, that nettle of yours, how do you manage the sting?” Vilkas asked bitterly.

Tilma smiled faintly. “When harvested correctly, you do not get stung. About how many leaves did you bring?”

The alpha scowled, feeling cheated. “I brought four plants, can't say I fancy the thought of counting their leaves.”

“Goodness me!” Tilma said in surprise. “Root and all?”

Vilkas nodded.

“That is better, I suppose. Cut the roots from them and add them to your pot.” Tilma said, waving a hand dismissively. He gritted his teeth, flaring internally from all the orders she was giving. It mattered not though, he had to do as she said, for Sivanna.

* * *

No one moved, the silence and pressure were building, making Vilkas feel as though he were on fire. He stood holding a wooden bowl filled with the bone broth, garlic, chicken, and nettle root soup. The smell of it made his mouth water, despite himself and the situation. It had been some time since last he had eaten or even slept. The alpha glared at Farkas, who was sitting beside the bed with Sivanna's hand in his. He was stroking her hand with his thumb absently as he watched Vilkas.

“What was that?” Vilkas asked, trying desperately to stay calm.

“I said you may leave the bowl on the table, and I will feed it to her after you leave.” Farkas answered, more than a bit gruff.

Vilkas growled at him, lip lifting in a snarl. His brother squinted at him, brows furrowing angrily.

“Boys!”, Tilma said loudly as she came through the door. “We have not the time for such foolishness! If you wish to tear yourselves apart do so away from this poor girl.” She looked from one brother to the other with disapproval evident on her face.

“Apologies.” Farkas muttered. Vilkas only grunted in response, still not quite satisfied.

“Out you go, then.” Tilma shooed them both. She pulled Farkas by his ear, waving them out the door.

“I will stay, I must help her.” Vilkas argued.

“Yes, why must I go? Surely there is something I can do?” Farkas asked, struggling with her grip on his ear.

“Now now, you are men. This woman needs her bedding and clothing changed and I'll not be having you both in here with wandering eyes.” Tilma said, still heading them out the door.

“Preposterous!” Vilkas cried as she shoved Farkas at him. Tilma nearly shut the door on Farkas's nose, with Vilkas just behind him. So they stood there, dumbstruck, trying to make sense of what had gone wrong. The both of them had seen Sivanna's bare body before, why should it matter now? Vilkas let out a harrumph, as Farkas sighed.

“What are you playing at?” Farkas asked, turning to face him.

“Pardon?” Vilkas growled.

“What is to be gained from Sivanna that you need so badly?” Farkas asked quietly.

“I do not need anything from her!” Vilkas spat. Though after saying so, he realized it tasted a lie. He needed her, and that was it. Sivanna may be difficult, and damaged, but she made him feel... human. Of course, the damage she suffered had much to do with his own shortcomings, he knew, but that changed little. “Sivanna... makes it bearable.” he managed after a moment of silence.

Farkas watched him carefully. “Did you not wish to put that night in Ivarstead behind you? Why try so hard to spend your time with her, after all those fights we had?”

“I made a mistake, and I had trouble facing you and even myself for it. When she appeared here, it sent everything I knew about us... and myself, pummeling down a cliff. I knew that I had handled it poorly. Are you satisfied?” Vilkas answered, glaring. 

Vilkas watched as the realization dawn on Farkas's face. “You feel shame for it.”

He snarled, uncomfortable with the entire conversation. Why must everyone try to talk about all the things the alpha had done wrong. What kind of torture was this?

“Is that the reason you kept it from me?” Farkas asked, his head cocked.

“I did not tell you because you did not need to know. It's my problem.” Vilkas said darkly.

“Nonsense. Have I not followed you always?” Farkas asked, frowning indignantly.

Vilkas looked away, unable to meet his gaze. “I knew we would fight again, once you knew. And I was right!”

“We may not have, if you were forward with me!” Farkas spat.

“I can't change it now, can I? Besides, I have better things to do than worry whether or not I'll upset you.” Vilkas said. He knew things were only getting worse, but it seemed that no matter what he tried, the outcome was always the same. Vilkas would resign himself to be alone, while everyone else seethed at him.

“Why are you so damned determined to push me away?” Farkas yelled, his chest heaving with effort. “We are brothers! You don't need to be so damned solitary!”

Vilkas said nothing, watching his brother struggle with himself. Frustration filled him. This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. He wanted to protect Farkas, it was never his intention to hurt him. The alpha sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the ceiling.

“You wanted to leave, Farkas. Do you not recall? If I had not agreed to find the girl, you would leave and find her yourself. You told me you would not return.” Vilkas said. “So who pushed who?”

“I would leave to do what is right!” Farkas said.

“That is exactly what I have been attempting! This entire time, with both you and Sivanna against me, I have tried to make amends! Unlike yourself, I cannot just pick up and abandon everyone else.” Vilkas said, full of anger.

“Abandon, eh? Like you did to her?” Farkas asked.

“Shut your mouth, I've heard enough from you!”, Vilkas said, turning from his brother and heading down the hall. His chest felt heavy with dark emotions as he left, but most of all, he felt sorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope all is well with you. Unfortunately, this may be my last update for a while. I thought I would clarify now, so you don't think I have abandoned you and this story. I will finish it, I promise. At twelve thirty last night my father slipped into a coma. He has hep c, so his liver can't function properly. His brain filled with ammonia which at first made him seem confused and then sent him into an unresponsive coma. I rode with him in the ambulance and spent the hardest seven and a half hours in my life at the hospital with him before they took him to the specialist center in phoenix for transplant patients. The doctors have already made progress with him and they are confident that he will pull through, but with most of my family nearly three hours away, I have a doubled workload taking care of things at their house until they get back. That's not to say that I can't or won't find time to write, but it won't be my priority until everyone comes home again. You have my apologies. I promise you will hear from me again sometime soon!


	42. Who Did It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas tries to piece together what went wrong during the feast.

Who Did It

 

Vilkas roused groggily, realizing that the ghost of Sivanna's warmth was painfully absent. The alpha could never admit it, but he rather missed sleeping with his arms around her. Not only that, Vilkas also missed his own private chambers. Ever since he and Farkas had brought Sivanna home, the alpha had to stay in the living quarters with the rest of the whelps. He sat up, resting with elbows on his knees. What was wrong with him? Why did Sivanna affect him so? They had not known each other long, and yet already she haunted nearly his every thought. It was more than a bit jarring, since he was so used to caring only for Farkas. He cared for the pack as well, of course, but that was a very different kind of feeling. For Sivanna, Vilkas felt such worry, enough that the thought of her not waking made his head spin. He wanted to wake her, scold her... hold her. 

The alpha dressed himself, frowning. Why had she left in the first place? She had followed his orders before without running, and she had lost control once before with him as well. The memory flashed; Sivanna's body above his as she nuzzled against his chest. He remembered the scent of her desire, fighting off his own urges as he tried to placate her wolf. In truth he would not have been able to stop her, or himself if she had urged... and the outcome was a staggering thought.

This time it had been more severe, he knew. She had shifted, and all sign of her human nature had abandoned her. Something disturbed her enough that she had willingly let herself go. It must have been so, he knew Sivanna had much more control than what was shown that night. What could have happened? Perhaps Farkas had done something unsavory? The alpha snorted, still tangling with what he should do about his brother and his transgressions. Even if he had a plan for his beta, what was he to do about Sivanna when she woke? The mark must be fading...Vilkas shook his head, tossing the thought from his mind. Instead, he tried once again to find what had caused the ruckus at the feast.

The alpha knew that Farkas would never hurt her, not on purpose. Yet that did not mean that he could be ruled out as the culprit. His brother was always a bit too forward for Vilkas's taste, not at all tactful. He wouldn't be surprised if Farkas had overstepped and caused the entire mess. If that were so, why then would she seek Vilkas? She had come to Vilkas, pointedly. What was her intent? It would have been very easy for her to massacre nearly anyone in the room, yet she hadn't. She was waiting for something, something from him. Vilkas ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. Why was it always like this? When it came to histories and books, he was second to none in his knowledge. So why was this one woman so hard for him to understand? He had told Sivanna once that she was easy to read... apparently she had taken that as a challenge. 

Vilkas made his way to the great hall and seated himself at the great table, snatching a plate of piping hot scrambled eggs and roasted potatoes. With everything on his mind, he could barely taste his breakfast, which he knew to be good. Such a shame. He thought back to the hours prior to the incident, still searching for an answer. Sivanna had been gone the night before, all the way to midday. Vilkas seethed the entire time, while Farkas wisely gave him a wide berth. Inwardly, Vilkas wanted to demand answers from her, but when the time came... only one question had truly mattered. Had she refused his offer in favor of Farkas? When Vilkas had touched her to unlatch her breastplate, he saw that she still reacted to him, and the thought comforted him some. Then again, it had also somewhat upset him even more so. If he still had that affect on her, why would she turn to Farkas instead? Did she not wish to be mates? Was she only looking for one night in his bed? Had he been mistaken when he had thought she wanted him alone?

“Morning, Vilkas.” a voice called from behind him. Ria sat beside him, a mug of cider in each hand. She set one next to his plate, smiling proudly. Her stool scraped loudly along the floor as she scooted closer to him.

“Morning.” Vilkas replied. He was not in the mood for Ria and her incessant inquiries. She was nearly as exhausting as Sivanna. The thought of her, still sleeping from the poison, made his chest feel cold. Ria was nothing like Sivanna, green as she was. Ria was indeed a better warrior, eagerly and effortlessly learning whatever she was taught. She had feathery cropped umber hair that fell just past her chin with warrior braids on each side. Angry red face paint streamed beneath her honey toned eyes toward her ears. The same red shade dripped sharply from her lower lip to her chin. She was a fighter, and she looked the part. Nothing about her was soft, not like Sivanna...

“So, our newest shield sister remains ill?”, Ria asked. Vilkas glanced at her, but did not reply. He needed no reminders. “Have you heard what happened to her? She has been bedridden for days, I can't help but wonder if whatever it is will spread to the rest of us.”

“It will affect no one else, worry not.” Vilkas said simply as he rose from the table.

Ria followed dutifully, “You know then? So what did Sivanna get into? What kind of ailment is it?” she asked excitedly.

“Ask her yourself.” Vilkas gruffed.

“She has yet to come out!”, Ria pouted.

“Suppose you will have to be patient.” Vilkas said as he headed back toward the living chambers. She did not follow, most likely realizing that he did not require her company. He sighed irritably, creaking his chamber door open slowly. Tilma and Farkas were nowhere to be seen, only Sivanna, still and silent as she slumbered. The alpha took a seat next to the bed, carefully placing the back of his hand to Sivanna's face. Her fever had passed during the night, and the relief Vilkas felt was as if he had been holding his breath until that moment. Though to his utter disappointment, she had not yet awakened.

Vilkas tucked some of her stray tresses behind her ear, his chest heavy with emotions. Her breathing quickened for a moment, startling the alpha. “Sivanna?” he whispered. Eyes still closed, she turned her head ever so slightly. Vilkas could feel a flicker of hope rising from deep within him. “Sivanna, will you return?”

The expression on her face changed, no longer peaceful. Now she seemed... frightened. “You are home, Sivanna. Safe within Jorrvaskr's walls, fear not.” he said reassuringly. His words had no effect, the smell of her fear was strong now. Taking her hand in his own, he tried again. “You are safe, there is nothing here, save you and I.”

Sivanna's eyes flew open, glossy and dazed. She stared at the ceiling, no, more like she saw nothing at all. Her lips quivered, whispering just one word. “Arnbjorn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again all, I apologize for my tardiness. Things have been hectic to say the least, I feel like I'm living in a reality tv show, ups and downs every few hours. Despite my crazy home-life, I owe it to you, as well as myself, to continue our story. I hope you are well, and I hope you enjoyed the latest update. I absolutely love reading your reviews, it makes this all worth while!


	43. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sivanna awakens to find Vilkas at her side.

Realization

Sivanna felt hot, so very hot. She blinked rapidly, willing her eyes to focus ever so slowly. She was in a bed somewhere, her fingers tangled in the sheets. A sheen of sweat clung to her face and neck, cold on her skin. Her heart slammed in her chest, she needed to move. She must make it back to Jorrvaskr and warn the others. The she-wolf sat up quickly, only to fall back, faint.

“Stay down, I'll not have you hurting yourself.”, Sivanna turned to see Vilkas standing beside her, a strange look on his face. Was that... relief?

“Vilkas?”, she asked, her voice hoarse. Why was he here? Part of her was delighted to see Vilkas, and yet she felt abashed at the thought of facing him again.

“What in Oblivion were you thinking?”, he asked. “Are you so craven that you would abandon your pack?”

Sivanna's brows furrowed as she looked away, full of shame. She sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees. Her entire being was so very sore, her body felt so very weak. Still, she had to do this. “Vilkas... I nearly told a secret that was not only my own.”

“That matters not,” Vilkas replied. “My duty is to decide what must be done, not yours.”

“Worry not, I will leave as soon as I am able.” she said quietly, “Yet I must warn you, and the others. The dark brotherhood knows I was in Whiterun, they will be coming for me.”

Vilkas shook his head with a sigh. “That, I already knew.”

“But how?” Sivanna asked. How could he know, there was no one else anywhere near her when she encountered the assassin, she was sure of it. She doubted he would have come alone, there had to be more of them on the way. Where were they? There was no telling how close the assassins were to Jorrvaskr even now.

“Sivanna,” he said, giving her a look. “Farkas and I brought you home. Their stench was all over you.”

She remembered the strange man clad in black and red. She began shivering, her breathing erratic. That man, no, that monster had been aroused by inflicting pain on her. He had the smell of desire about him as he had slashed at her. The memory filled her with horror. Tears of fear betrayed her, brimming and spilling. She couldn't force herself to think of what that man would have done if she hadn't...

“Sivanna.”, Vilkas said, sitting next to her on the bed. “Still yourself.” The alpha put his arms around her, resting his face next to hers. The smell of cloves and wolf filled her nose, and she breathed deep, trying desperately to focus only on his scent. Sivanna still shivered, but her mind was more calm than before, calm enough to continue.

“Vilkas, forgive me. I brought danger to your home. I implore you, warn the pack. I must leave. The assassins will follow, I'm sure of it. They have less quarrel with...”

“Damn it, Sivanna.” Vilkas burst, his grip around her tightening. “Enough of that! Did I not say that I would decide what must be done?”

“I cannot stay...”, Sivanna started.

“You can and you will, that is my order.” Vilkas said, she could hear the finality in his voice. “What makes you think that you could face those murderers alone?” He asked.

Sivanna shook her head slightly. “I would not. I would do what I have always done, what I do best. Run.”

Vilkas took her face in his hands forcing her to look at him. His breath tickled her skin as he spoke. “No more running. I'll not have you act a craven. We both know better.”

“You're wrong!” Sivanna cried. “That man... that monster...” She pulled away from him, fresh tears wetting her cheeks. “He wanted...” she shivered again. “He toyed with me, and I could smell... he wanted to... to...” The words stuck in her throat, and try as she may, she couldn't dislodge them.

“He is gone now, he cannot hurt you.” Vilkas said, brushing away her tears.

“He already has.” Sivanna whispered. She felt so... filthy. He would have done unspeakable things to her, but she had taken his life. She had never killed a man before, always it was prey that she felled. Even then it was always for survival, and perhaps this time it had been too, but why then did it feel so different?

“You must stay, Sivanna. Our strength is the pack, lone wolves never last. You know that better than most.” Vilkas said, pulling her against his chest. She rested there, relishing in the warmth of his embrace.

“I will lead the pack to hunt those murderers down.” Vilkas said reassuringly. Sivanna went cold, they could not! They would surely perish! 

“No!” Sivanna cried. “You mustn't!” She turned, hands on his shoulders, trying her best to look commanding.

Vilkas said nothing, but his eyes flashed amber at her tone. “Do not dare to provoke them for my sake, I won't stand for it.”, she commanded.

The alpha let out a bark of a laugh. “I would go even if I had never found you, regardless. Arnbjorn has been living on borrowed time, no longer.”

“Surely the pack will not agree?” Sivanna asked with rising panic.

“Of course they have. Eagerly so, in fact. Worry not, Tilma will care for you in my absence.” Vilkas said.

Sivanna dug her fingers into his shoulders, she could feel her eyes bleeding into that beasty gold color once again. “No.”

“You dare to give your alpha an order?” Vilkas asked, his scowl returning.

“I cannot let you put the pack in danger. I will not be left behind. Was it not you who said our strength is the pack? I am pack, I will go.” Sivanna growled. She wanted nothing more than to run, to forget what had happened with Arnbjorn and the other assassin... yet she would not let the pack fight her battles. No matter what Vilkas said, she knew that at least in part, he wanted revenge for Sivanna. She could see it in his storming silver eyes. The pack was her family, not quite the way she had imagined, but family all the same. It was then that she realized, she couldn't leave Whiterun behind. She had made a mistake, but the pack knew she could have lost control at any time. From the moment they took her in, it was a possibility. Even Vilkas had said he wanted her to stay.

“Stubborn.” Vilkas cursed, but his eyes betrayed him as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He seemed... proud. “Tilma will want to know that you're awake.” he said.

Neither of them moved. Sivanna was still atop Vilkas, one of his hands resting on her waist. In the quiet, she could her both of their hearts beating. Sivanna's was still erratic and restless, yet Vilkas's normally steady rhythm was picking up speed. She never took her eyes from his, willing herself to think of nothing else. It was easier that way, if she could focus on him, she might escape her nightmarish memories.

“Vilkas...” Sivanna started. She wanted to ask his forgiveness, but she feared that if she said anything it would break this comfortably peaceful moment. If only she could lay with him, just to feel his warmth and the safety of his embrace.

“Aye?”, Vilkas's voice was quiet, breathy. Sivanna had a suspicious felling that perhaps he felt the same way, but that couldn't be so. She was projecting, surely. The she-wolf opened her mouth to continue, but the words were lost to her. Sivanna shook her head, looking away from him. They held the silence for a time, the only sound to be heard were their own heartbeats. Suddenly, Vilkas cleared his throat, startling Sivanna.

“What happened that night?” Vilkas asked.

Sivanna met his gaze, expecting to see anger or disappointment, but she found none. “The music woke me, after you left.” She let out a sigh, “I came to the feast, everyone was dancing and I... I couldn't watch you, with her.”

He pursed his lips, brows furrowed. “Her?”

Sivanna shot him a look. “Ria.”

“Ria, right.” Vilkas amended. “What of her?”

Sivanna groaned, lifting herself from his lap to sit on the bed. He raised an arm toward her as she left, but lowered it at the look on her face. “The dance.” she said simply. “She chose you, and from what I understand, that was a lover's dance.”

“So, that's why you... I was...” Vilkas stammered, bringing a hand to his face. He took a deep breath, turning his silver eyes to her again. “I upset you, and you lost yourself.”

Sivanna cocked her head at him. Vilkas seemed so surprised, completely caught off guard. He had rebuked her earlier that evening, but it had not hurt until she had seen him with Ria. Sivanna knew what she wanted, who she wanted, but there was always something in the way. Now, Ria had Vilkas and Sivanna never had the chance to explain anything.

“Sivanna, Ria is not...” Vilkas began, but the door burst open. Farkas came barreling in, surprise and delight evident on his face.

He snatched her from the bed and held her close.“Sivanna! You've finally come home!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, clueless Vilkas... Anyway, let me know what you think of the latest installment. Thank you all for your kind words, it is wonderful to have your support, truly.


	44. To Be Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brother's tell Sivanna that she has been sleeping for a long time.

To Be Heard

Sivanna squirmed, struggling to escape from Farkas's grasp. She could see Vilkas, still sitting on the bed, watching her with a masked expression. She could feel her face flush red with embarrasment. The entire situation was uncomfortable. Her sore body ached, especially in Farkas's bear of a hug.

“Farkas, please.”, she pleaded, tapping his shoulder. He let her go, mumbling an apology through a silly grin. She sat on the bed once more. Her head was light and the room felt as though it were tilting, not unlike the feeling she had after the tavern.

“I thought you'd never again wake.”, Farkas confessed.

“Of course I would. I wake with every morn.” Sivanna said, breathing deep to prevent herself from fainting. The two brothers exchanged a look.

“You have not told her?”, Farkas asked his alpha.

“I hadn't quite got to it yet.”, Vilkas said unsmiling.

“Sivanna, you have been in a slumber for some time now.” Farkas told her gently. She shook her head, it had to have been only a few hours since she encountered the assassin.

“That cannot be.”, Sivanna said. “Just this morning I fought...” She stopped, looking from one brother to the next. Feeling her arms, Sivanna noticed that the wounds she had sustained in the fight were half healed already. It was true then, she had been absent... “How long has it been?” she asked quietly.

“Eight nights now.” Vilkas replied.

Sivanna's head was spinning. Eight nights? Arnbjorn and his assassins could be inside the city by now! She stood too quickly, falling backwards for a second time. Vilkas caught her by the shoulders, sitting her down beside him. She was panting with effort, her body screaming at her.

“No worries, Sivanna.” Farkas said. “I have been taking care of Agnar whilst you were away.”

“Who is Agnar?”, Vilkas asked with a frown.

“The horse I gave her, has she not told you?” Farkas asked.

“There is no time for this!” Sivanna panted. “We must return to Whiterun! The Dark Brotherhood could be there even now!”

Vilkas began petting her hair softly. “You are in Whiterun. These are my chambers withing Jorrvaskr. We brought you home.”

“By the Gods!” Sivanna cursed as she turned to Vilkas, “Send someone out searching, send them all!”

“Sivanna, your fever barely broke.” Vilkas said softly. “You are still a bit muddled.”

Sivanna frowned. “You aren't listening to me!” she shook him lightly. “They are coming!”

“Easy now,” Vilkas said, raising his hands. “I will send out some sentries, if you eat.”

Sivanna shot him a look, what a ridiculous bargain. Now was certainly not the time to be thinking about food. Yet if it would save some lives she would accept, of course. “As you will.”

Vilkas relaxed visibly, rising to fetch the steaming bowl that sat on his table. He brought it to her, it held a soup of some sort. Sivanna could smell garlic, and chicken, and some other familiar ingredient that she could not place. Her mouth watered, not realizing until now how ravenous she truly was. Sivanna began wolfing it down quickly, letting out an appreciative moan at the taste. Farkas took Vilkas's spot on the bed, beaming at her. Vilkas scoffed, but sat without a word on the bedside stool. 

Seemingly too soon, the bowl was empty. She held it up sheepishly. “Is there, perhaps, any more?”

Vilkas snickered. “Certainly, I made an entire pot.”

Sivanna's eyes widened. “You made this?”

“Of course I did.”, he said, as though she ought to know he was a wonderful cook.

“Thank you.” Sivanna said, eyes on the ground.

“Never you mind it.” Vilkas replied as he took her bowl and left the room.

She and Farkas were alone now, slight unease was building within her. Sivanna peeked at him from the corner of her eye, he was still smiling at her. She sighed. “What is it, Farkas?”

“When you build up your strength, I would be honored if you would ride with me.” He said, bowing his head.

“Ride?” Sivanna asked.

“Aye, on Agnar.”, he nodded. Horseback riding? She thought, That is what he has on his mind at a time like this?

“Farkas, have you not heard me?” Sivanna asked in exasperation.

His smile faded slightly, “I heard, but that isn't to say we can't keep doing the things we love. Some assassins are ruffled at us, so what? We are The Companions, we can handle it. Until then, let's enjoy life.”

Sivanna pinched the bridge of her nose between her forefinger and thumb. “What exactly would it mean to you? I have no doubt there is more to this.”

“We could learn more about one another,” Farkas replied. “It would be a good start.”

Vilkas returned, handing Sivanna the bowl before seating himself once more. “A good start for what?”

Farkas turned his attention to his brother. “To get to know one another.”

“He wants me to go horseback riding with him.”, Sivanna said.

Vilkas watched his brother, unblinking. “I see.”

“You can't expect to keep her all to yourself now, can you?” Farkas chuckled as he took Sivanna's hand.  
She pulled away, placing both hands on her bowl as an excuse.

“I would think that would be up to her.” Vilkas said through clenched teeth. Sivanna could tell that he was struggling with himself, she couldn't help but feel that something bad was about to happen.

Farkas bared his teeth, “Have you ever given her the option?”

Vilkas scoffed. “Indeed I have. She bears my mark.”

Farkas's jaw dropped, then his face hardened. “How long?”

“Since the hunting trip.” Vilkas answered.

Farkas nodded saying nothing. He turned his gaze to Sivanna, a look of betrayal on his face. She wished she could sink into the bed and disappear.

“Farkas... I tried to tell you.” Sivanna said quietly.

“No, you failed to mention it. Why would you not tell me that you bore his mark?” Farkas asked.

Sivanna ruffled. “I told you I was not interested, that should have been enough. Why would it matter if I had a mark or not?” Did her word alone mean so little? Would he only stop pursuit if he knew someone else had a claim on her? She puffed at the thought.

“You let me kiss you!” he yelled.

“I did no such thing!” she cried. “I told you that as well. You just don't hear me.”

“That's enough.” Vilkas called. “This is not the time.”

Farkas was breathing heavily, hands clenched into fists. For a while no one moved, the tension in the room was nearly palpable. Sivanna dared not even breathe, the air seemed explosive. Just when Sivanna thought Farkas would pounce on his brother, he turned on his heel and left the room. Vilkas watched him go, then directed his attention to Sivanna.

“That was in poor taste.”, he sighed.

“Vilkas?” Sivanna asked cautiously.

“Aye?”

“Why did you tell him... about the mark?” she asked.

“I told him because it is true. You do, or perhaps did bear my mark.” he replied.

“True, but Ria...”

“Enough about her! She matters not to me!” Vilkas said, his voice full of frustration.

“At the dance...” she started.

“She chose me to dance with, aye. I'm sure she hopes for more, and yet that still changes nothing. I do not want her.” Vilkas said. Sivanna relaxed somewhat, as for why, she could not say. Ria did not, in fact, have Vilkas for her own. She opened her mouth to ask if the mark was still valid, when Farkas burst through the door. 

His face was white as bone... “Vilkas, come quick! Torvar's been murdered!”


	45. Torchlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas and Farkas investigate Torvar's murder.

Torchlight

Terror-stricken, Sivanna reached for Vilkas's hand. He turned to look at her, shock evident in his eyes. Sivanna was trembling, it had begun; the cult was here. She watched as Vilkas's face hardened, rage replacing his dismay. Vilkas took a deep breath, undoubtedly resigning himself to follow Farkas. The alpha rose from the stool, Sivanna clinging to his arm. They should not go, they could not!

“Wait!”, Sivanna whispered desperately. “Don't go!”

Vilkas set his gaze on her. “Woman, our shield-brother has been murdered. Something must be done. Someone must atone. I will make sure of it.”

Farkas was still breathing raggedly, shifting from one foot to the other anxiously. “Come, brother! We must catch their scent! Aela and Skjor are already on the hunt!”

Vilkas shook his arm away from Sivanna, walking toward the door. “Wait! Vilkas, let me come with you!”

The alpha shot her a look, eyes darting from head to toe. “You wear no armor, have no weapon, and no strength. You will stay!”

Dejected and afraid, she looked away, listening as the footsteps of both brothers faded. I cannot stay here, I must do something! Sivanna stood slowly, bracing herself on the wall to keep from toppling to the ground. She wore only a thin cotton nightgown, and as Vilkas had pointed out, she was weaponless. Sivanna searched the room, there had to be an item that she might defend herself with. Her eyes lingered on a dull bread knife on the table, but she decided against it. If she were to engage in close combat in her current state, she would surely lose. Settling for the torch on the wall, Sivanna set out, lured by wailing sobs coming from down the hall.

Sivanna was breathing deeply, her weakened body screaming in protest. She could not sit and wait for her own murder, idle was not a word that best described her. Coming to a stop outside the common living quarters, she spotted the pool of blood on the floor. The liquid was nearly black in the torchlight, shining a dark burgundy where the light struck it. Sivanna could smell fear and desire, the heady scent of blood, but the miasma of death overpowered all. Making her way through the doorway, she first noticed the crowd. Athis and Njada, two companions that Sivanna had little dealings with, were kneeling on the floor, faces full of grief. Tilma was crumpled in a heap, sobbing. Vilkas was crouched in front of the old woman, blocking Sivanna's view. Farkas and Kodlak stood at his side. Ria sat on a bed, her face in her hands. No one noticed Sivanna as she carefully stepped into the room, the scene before her unfolding.

Torvar was there, splayed on the floor. His legs were situated at awkward angles, saturated black with blood. His abdomen was a meaty mess, two very large gaping wounds being the cause. His arms, streaked red, were reaching for his throat. Sivanna's stomach roiled, threatening to loose its contents. Torvar's throat had been carved open, the wound deep enough that Sivanna could see the innards of his neck. The tendons and veins were severed clean, leaving a steep valley of flesh. The expression of horror on his face was forever frozen, petrified in the moment of his death. His eyes were dull and bloodshot, lips cracked and dry. Sivanna wretched, unable to stomach such carnage.

“Sivanna, you should not have come.” Farkas said softly, ushering her out of the room. She tried to focus on something else, anything other than the man on the floor. The light from the torch played on the walls, shadows dancing just beyond it's reach. She held it up, feeling the warmth on her skin. The fire crackled softly, the sound almost too quiet to hear.

“You must return to your room.”, Farkas urged.

She shook her head, the motion making her dizzy. “I won't wait to be had.”

He clicked his tongue at her and sighed, “Come then, to the Great Hall. There we will wait for Aela and Skjor.” Farkas entwined his fingers with hers, and she let him. He led her up the stairs and away from the heavy scent of death that haunted the rooms below. Farkas took the torch from Sivanna, hanging it on the wall bracket. The normally raging fires that filled the middle of the room were reduced to embers. Long shadows swayed across the room, too unsettling for Sivanna to watch. The two of them sat at upon an ornate wooden bench, furthest from the living quarters they could be without leaving altogether. Sivanna still felt light in the head, the bitter taste of bile in her mouth not helping. She stood once again, wanting to grab a mug of cider from the table, but Farkas's hand in hers kept her grounded.

“No, no. Stay here, I will fetch whatever it is you need.” He said, lifting himself and pulling her into the seat simultaneously.

“A mug, if you please. My throat is parched.” Sivanna said, brushing fingers on her neck. Farkas took a mug from the table and set it in her hands carefully, as if he thought she couldn't hold it herself. She drank eagerly, letting the cool and crispy sweet taste wash its way down. Sivanna sighed, her head feeling just a bit less throbby. She set the empty cup on the end-table beside their bench and closed her eyes, only to open them again immediately. When her eyes were closed, all she could see was Torvar... no longer smiling, no longer swaying slightly from drink... no longer breathing. Her chest felt tight, every breath seemed an effort. She could feel her heartbeat rising rapidly, and her face flush. She rubbed her hands up and down her thighs, trying to use up some of the nervous energy that now filled her. The air was so thick, why couldn't she breathe?

“Sivanna?”, Farkas asked with concern. “Sivanna, I think you're in a panic. Breathe with me.”

She brought her eyes to his and Farkas nodded. “Alright, in,” her chest filled with air, yet it still felt inadequate. She panted to compensate, turning from him again.

Farkas sighed. “Let's try something different. Find something in the room that you can see.”

Sivanna's eyes darted, settling on the torchlight. “That's it.” Farkas praised. “Now, find one thing you can hear.”

Her brows furrowed with concentration, she caught the faint song of a cricket hiding somewhere in the room. The slight chirping was almost a whisper in the dark. Sivanna could not remember when last she had heard a cricket song.

“What did you find?”, Farkas asked. The loudness of his rumbling voice startling her.

“A cricket.” she said quietly. Her chest still felt heavy, but she did not feel the need to breathe so quickly now.

“One more thing then,” Farkas said, taking her hand in his. “Look at the torch, listen to the bug, and feel me.”

Sivanna frowned at the torch, not understanding what he had meant. She felt him bring her hand to his face, caressing the stubble on his jaw. Farkas felt wiry, soft, and warm. Sivanna looked at him, his eyes piercing into hers. He kept her hand to his cheek, sitting still. “What do you feel?”

Sivanna blinked. “Confused.”

Farkas chuckled softly. “Better than before I suppose.”

“How did you know...” Sivanna asked.

“After we were first turned, I frequently had moments of panic. After a while, I learned that I needed to focus on something real. Something now.” Farkas replied.

She cocked her head at him. He was very strange, demanding of her at most times. Now though, he seemed to have an uncanny ability to feel whatever she felt. An understanding, perhaps. “You have my thanks, Farkas.”

He smirked, finally releasing her hand. They sat in the near silence for a while, the whispering of the cricket still playing softly. Slowly though, her mind began to drift again, dangerously close to the dark vision downstairs. She needed to move, to do something, anything.

“Farkas, I wish to go outside.” Sivanna said, breaking the silence.

“Not a bad thought.” Farkas said, rising from the bench and taking the torch. He helped her stand, and they made their way out the double doors. They stood just outside the main entrance to Jorrvaskr, overlooking the wind district. The great Gildergreen tree's branches danced in the breeze, it's leaves shimmering. The sky above it was dark, gray and purple clouds as far as Sivanna could see. Thunder was booming in the distance, making the air static. Any moment now the skies would open up and the rain would pour down. 

“Perhaps we should go back inside.” Farkas started, pushing against the door.

“No!” Sivanna said. “What about the roofed area in the training grounds?” 

Farkas shot her a look, but headed down the path that led around Jorrvaskr. The table sheltered beneath the wooden beams was protected from the wind, making it a much more pleasant place to stay. Instead of sitting at the table, Sivanna sat on the steps that led to the training ground below and Farkas followed her lead. With the storm and all it's excitement, Sivanna did not feel stuck in her mind with all the dark things she had seen. She could instead let herself float through the different feelings that the storm evoked in her. There was slight surprise nearly every time lightning struck, and the smell of the impending rain filled her with nostalgic joy. Sivanna remembered sitting in the doorway of her childhood home with her mother, watching storms roll in and ravish the land, only to invigorate it later. It was a good memory.

The door behind them opened and Sivanna turned to see Ria, her face paint smeared about. “Farkas,” she sniffed, wiping away fresh tears. “Your brother calls for you.”

Farkas looked at Sivanna, seemingly torn. “Here.” he said, handing her the torch that he still yet held for her. “I won't be long.”

“Worry not, Farkas. I will be right here, there is no need to hurry back.” Sivanna replied. She watched him follow Ria back inside, somewhat glad for the solitude. It was only then that Sivanna noticed how cold it was. Wearing only the thin nightgown, the wind seemed to blow right through her. I won't go back inside yet, I am not ready. She clutched the torch as close as she safely could. It was no good, what little warmth it radiated was snatched away by the wind.

“My, my, you're shivering.”, A woman's voice called. The she-wolf's head whipped up to see a figure leaning against the stone wall behind the training grounds. Sivanna's breath caught in her throat as she recognized the black and red armor. Like the assassin that Sivanna had encountered before, this one's face was covered. The stranger was small in stature, and through the armor Sivanna could tell it was all toned muscle. She wasn't grossly exaggerated with bulging arms and legs. No, her body was more like the illustration of a mountain lion that Sivanna had once come across years ago. 

“Oh, how rude of me!” the woman said. “Allow me.” Her small hands came up to her neck, pulling away the cowl that covered her face. Flaxen hair fell to her shoulders, it was twined away from her face in some sort of braid, the formation it made reminded Sivanna of rolling hills. She had cream colored skin, a small chin, a button nose, and a soft jawline; overall soft features. Except for her eyes. Her eyes narrow, and fern green, had a harsh look about them. Holding some sort of knowledge that Sivanna did knew not. She smiled at Sivanna, though it did not reach her eyes.

“So,” she said, eyes flicking up and down Sivanna's body. “You are the long lost pup.”

She controlled her breathing, if this woman was anything like the last person to cross her path in that armor, Sivanna was in grave danger. “Pardon?” 

The woman sauntered to where Sivanna sat, and knelt beside her. “You know, I never liked dogs. As a matter of fact, they were... practice for me, one could say. That is, until I met my husband of course. He proved that some dogs could be of better use.”

Sivanna said nothing, her fingers tightening around the torch. “Love can do that to you, wouldn't you say?” She looked pointedly at Sivanna, waiting for a response no doubt.

“Do what, exactly?”, Sivanna asked quietly.

The woman leaned in close, “Help you overlook things. Like, for example, why someone as wonderful as my Arnbjorn would find anything at all interesting about a mousy urchin such as yourself.”

Sivanna's jaw dropped. “Who...”

“Oh you silly thing,” the woman laughed. “Has no one seen fit to warn you of me? Of my family?”

Sivanna frowned at her, but did not reply. “Astrid.” the assassin said, making a rolling gesture with her hand. Astrid squinted at her and the she-wolf realized that the woman was waiting for her name. “Sivanna.” she said.

“Good girl.” Astrid said, patting her on the head. “I wonder if I should just kill you now, or let my dear husband have his way with you? Hmmm.” She tapped a finger absently on her chin.

“No.”, Sivanna whispered. She was not ready to die, she had barely woken from her slumber! She was learning to live rather than survive, she would not die. The she-wolf growled at the assassin, baring her teeth.

“Come now, a dog should never growl at its master. Remember your betters.” Astrid chided, wagging a finger at her.

“I'll not let you.” Sivanna said slowly. “I'll not let you best me.”

“Oh aye?” Astrid laughed. “You have some spirit, but that won't help you now. I have been at this too long, and I grow tired of you.” Quick as lightening, her hand was on the hilt of a dagger on her belt. She surged at Sivanna, dagger closing in on the she-wolf's face. Sivanna fell back, bringing her hands and the torch, up in her defense. Astrid hit the torch, Sivanna could feel it scrape against flesh as Astrid tumbled over the she-wolf. The assassin screamed, rage and pain both to be heard in her voice. Sivanna shuffled away, backing into one of the wooden support beams. The torch was out of her reach now, knocked out of her hands from the clash of the two women. She watched as Astrid stood, body heaving with every breath. Flames flicked up from the dark skintight armor, where the torch had grazed Astrid's side. A shriek of frustration and fear escaped her, sending shivers down Sivanna's spine. The assassin swatted at the fire, walking backwards as if to escape the intense heat. Now was the only chance! Taking a deep breath, Sivanna leapt at her, closing the distance between them in a matter of heartbeats. The she-wolf let out a war-cry, running them both to the training ground wall. Astrid's back hit hard against the stone, the breath leaving her in a whoosh. Sivanna crouched and tucked her shoulder into Astrid's still flaming abdomen. Growling with effort, the she-wolf lifted the assassin and flung her over the stone wall. The expression on Astrid's face as Sivanna let go, was pure hatred. She expected to see fear, some sort of self preservation... and yet there was only a pointed loathing. Sivanna turned away, unable to watch the woman fall to her death. She already had enough dark things to fuel her nightmares... 

The she-wolf touched her head and shoulders, feeling for damage from the fire. Sivanna was a bit singed, some of her hair was seared short, and her left arm and shoulder would blister undoubtedly. Strangely enough, she could not feel the pain yet. She shivered still, stuck in the moment's excitement. Sivanna leaned against the stone, sliding down to a sitting position, and watched the skies. Flashes of great white boomed overhead, foreboding of the imminent rain. The first few drops kissed her cheeks, leaving small droplets to run down her neck. Sivanna smiled, she did not fully understand what had just transpired, but she was happy to be alive.

“Sivanna!”, Farkas called as he emerged from Jorrvaskr. The rain was picking up now, creating a foggy wall between her and the great building. She could see him there, worry etched on his face yet again. 

Sivanna stood. “I'm here, Farkas.” she shouted back. 

He bounded to her. “There was more than one, Sivanna! We must go back inside, if only to escape from this weather. You're still to frail to do this to yourself.”

Sivanna frowned. “More than one what?”

“Assassin.”, he replied. “Now come.” Farkas tried to pick her up, but she wriggled free, leaning over the stone wall. A horn bellowed from the Dragon's Reach castle and Sivanna could hear guards barking orders and scrambling in the chaos. She squinted, searching the landscape below. There! Two horses were speeding away from the city. One horse was black as night, a figure with flaxen hair laying on its back... Astrid. The brown horse beside them carried another figure clad in the black and red armor, Farkas was not mistaken.

“Shite!” Farkas cursed. “We can't catch up to them at this rate, and with this damned rain their scent will wash away.”

“Farkas, she was here.” Sivanna said, finally realizing how close to death she had been. Where had the other assassin been during the scuffle? So easily they could have killed her...

“She? One of them was a woman? Did you see her?” Farkas asked excitedly.

“Astrid. She came to me.” Sivanna brushed her fingers along her arm where the fire had licked at her.

Farkas's jaw dropped as he examined her injuries. “You fool, what were you thinking? Fighting alone, in your current state?”

“I had not a choice. She meant to take my life.” she said, shivering.

Farkas said nothing, but scooped her up and hurried back to Jorrvaskr. He set her down on a chair next to the now healthy fires in the middle of the room. “Vilkas! Tilma!” he called, grabbing a cloak from beside the door and draping it over Sivanna's shoulders. He brought her a fresh mug, just as Vilkas emerged from the stairwell.

“What is it, Farkas? Have you found something?” Vilkas asked, coming to them in a hurry.

“Vilkas?” Sivanna whispered.

The alpha looked down at her frowning, apparently just realizing that she was even there. “Sivanna?” 

Sivanna vaulted from her chair, her mug spilling on the floor as she threw her arms around Vilkas. Unwanted tears began to fall uncontrollably, turning quickly into sobs. Vilkas wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek on her head. “What happened?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting rather dark, isn't it? I hope that doesn't bother you too much. Let me know what you think!


	46. Hircine's Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aela helps Sivanna take her mind out of her dark memories.

Hircine's Gift

Sivanna let out a shuddered breath, attempting to regain some semblance of control. She peered up at Vilkas, his face awash with confusion and concern. He looked from her singed hair to her blistered red arm, visibly clenching his teeth. “What happened?” he asked again.

“Astrid came for me.” Sivanna said quietly.

Vilkas snorted and shook his head. “How is it that no matter where you are, you find yourself in danger?” 

Sivanna's shoulders drooped as she pulled away from him. “I'm sorry.”

Vilkas tightened his grip on her. “Dammit Sivanna, this isn't about you.” he ran a hand over his face. “It is about you, but the fault is not yours.”

“I left her outside for only moments, brother. Astrid must have been waiting for Sivanna to be alone.” Farkas said frustratedly.

“Did it not occur to you to follow her before she escaped the city?” Vilkas asked through gritted teeth.

Farkas squinted. “I would have, but they were already on horseback in the tundra. And before you ask, it's pouring out there, so no, I cannot just track them.”

Vilkas sighed darkly. “Aela and Skjor just returned, see what they've found.” he paused. “Then send Aela to me.”

With that, the alpha took Sivanna's arm in his and led her back to the stairwell. Sivanna froze, rigid with the thought of seeing Torvar once more. She began shaking her head, mouthing “no” but the word made no sound.

Vilkas shushed her softly. “Still yourself, Sivanna. He's gone, Farkas and I moved him.” 

She looked down at his arms, noticing the dark stains on his hands... and now on hers. His arms were smeared burgundy, and the devilish color had spread to Sivanna's cotton nightgown. Her breathing became erratic, eyes widening with horror.

“Simmer down, I'll have Ria...” he stopped abruptly, “Aela, will come shortly to help you get cleaned up.”

Sivanna took deep breaths, focusing on the sound of their steps. Vilkas was taking her to his room, where she had been staying during her slumber. He opened the door and she threw herself on the bed, trying not to think, not to remember. The bed dipped slightly as Vilkas sat beside her, stroking her hair softly. So far, Sivanna was doing well to keep fresh tears from spilling, but only just. Once again she found herself with the strong urge to run, to escape this place and everyone in it. If she had just kept running, no one would have been hurt. Not her. Not Torvar...

“I will make this right.”, Vilkas said, still petting her. “They have made a grave mistake, giving me more reason to hunt them down.”

Sivanna turned to look up at him, frowning. “Vilkas... what if they come for me again? You are all in danger. Would it not be best if I left?”

Vilkas snorted, his face turning hard. “I have already discussed this matter. You will stay.”

“Even so, how would we find The Dark Brotherhood? If it were so simple, others would surely have attacked them by now.” Sivanna said, her fingers curling into the sheet in frustration.

“Worry not. We are not the only ones who search for them. A courier arrived shortly before you awoke. A man by the name of Maro is determined to spike their heads. He has asked for the help of The Companions.”

Sivanna gasped, she had not expected a plan to be in motion so soon. “What did the courier say?”

“Maro's letter,” Vilkas started, “stated that he may have found their sanctuary, and it isn't so far from here. He requested warriors to help bring the assassins to justice.”

“Not far from here?” Sivanna went cold.

“The forest of Falkreath.” Vilkas replied, a note of triumph in his voice.

Sivanna remembered the pivotal moment from not so long ago. She had stood at a crossroad pondering whether to go toward Whiterun or Falkreath. How different things might have been if she had changed her course. Sivanna shuddered. “When...” the she-wolf trailed off, not sure she wanted the answer.

“I will speak to Kodlak and the other members of the Circle to decide, but I wish to go soon. With or without Maro.” Vilkas told her.

Daring herself to dream and hoping for a welcome distraction, she asked. “What... what of us, when this is over?”

Vilkas turned his gaze to hers, fingers guiding her face to his. “I have told you, you must decide.”

It felt as though Sivanna's chest was filled with torchbugs, warm and floating. He still meant to keep her! She smiled and watched as Vilkas face mirrored hers. Sivanna had been so sure that he had rebuked her, hearing otherwise was such a sweet thing.

The door opened then, revealing Aela. “Farkas says you summon me?”

Vilkas's hand that had been touching Sivanna's face was suddenly gone, and she already missed his touch. “Aye, help clean Sivanna and check her wounds.”

Sivanna watched as Vilkas rose from the bed and left the room. Aela smirked at Sivanna, shaking her head slightly. “Little wolf, what have you done to our poor alpha?”

“I have done nothing!” Sivanna said, sitting rigid. Her ears burned with embarrassment as the huntress sat beside her.

“It would seem he has not decided against the mark after all.” Aela paused. “Have you?”

“I will accept.” Sivanna said, her head held high.

Aela beamed at her. “Excellent! There are entirely too many males in this pack, I am so enthused to keep you.”

“Thank you.” Sivanna said, feeling better than she had in what seemed a very long time.

“Farkas tells me you are having a hard time dealing with what happened to Torvar.” It was a statement, a true one at that.

She sighed. “If I had not come here, he mightn't have died.”

Aela clasped a hand on Sivanna's shoulder. “Mightn't does him no good. Or you for that matter. It's done now, and you are not at fault in the least.”

Sivanna did not reply. She had heard the like already from both of the brothers, but it had yet to ring true.

“So, the consummation then. Will you be expecting pups?” the huntress asked, glancing sideways at her.

Sivanna felt the blood rush from her face. “Sovnegard no!”

Aela chuckled. “What have you to prevent it then?”

Sivanna frowned. “I have no such thing. As a matter of fact, I had hoped to ask you.”

“Right then, wait for me here.” the huntress took in Sivanna's bloodied and singed appearance. “I will have bath water drawn for you, and I will bring you a very special sachet.”

Aela did not take long to return, a sack on her shoulder. She sat once more on the bed beside Sivanna, a devilish grin playing on her lips. “I have two things for you.” the huntress said, rifling through the sack. She pulled a pouch with a long drawstring from the pack and dropped it onto the bed. “This is for your bath, your natural scent is reminiscent of these fragrances.” 

Sivanna brought the pouch to her nose and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. She could smell the warm and flowery scent of lavender and the cool and crisp, green smell of juniper berries. She let out an appreciative sigh. “I smell like this?” she asked.

“Indeed you do.” Aela replied, arm deep in the sack again. This time she pulled out a small sachet and handed it to Sivanna. “There are many ways to remain a maiden fair, but I found this to be most appropriate.”

Sivanna eyed the burlap pouch. “What is it?”

“These were once bones of a great beast, hunted by many who wished for Hircine's blessing. A woman who had fallen in love with the beast set him ablaze from the inside out, consuming him with her love until at last she killed him.”

Sivanna pushed the pouch into Aela's lap. “Appropriate my arse.”

“Listen.” Aela frowned as she wagged the pouch at Sivanna. “Hircine was so pleased that she had obeyed his orders over her love for the beast, that he made her a gift from it's bones. You see, the beast and the woman were bears. She became Hircine's first werebear. Not long after her turning though, she experienced a longing that she had never known in her last life. Hircine knew the woman's wish, he saw what bothered her so; she wished to hunt men. Not in the same sense she hunted animals, but to dominate them. Hircine took what gave the great beast its power and gave it to her so she may hunt the men, and use them without the worry of carrying offspring. Cubs would have stopped the hunt for her, and Hircine would not have her give up her hunts so soon.”

Sivanna's mouth gaped with disgust. “She took men... against their wishes?”

“Of course not!” Aela snorted. “The woman was beautiful, and men coveted her as much as she coveted the hunt.”

“Did she kill them?” Sivanna asked quietly.

Aela shot her a look. “No, Sivanna, she did not kill them.”

Confusion swept through her, what had this werebear to do with Sivanna? “What do these bones do then?”

Aela brought out the objects from their sachet and placed them in Sivanna's hand. They were claws and fangs. Four of them. The two fangs were about half as long as Sivanna's forefinger, white, and thick. The claws were black and sharp, just larger than a septim. All of them featured hooks on the dull ends.

“You puncture the flesh of your ears and hook the small metal ends through.” Aela said touching her ears for emphasis.

“Then what?” Sivanna asked still frowning.

“Then you keep them there, do your deeds as you please.” Aela replied with a shrug.

“They just... stay there?” Sivanna asked incredulously.

“Aye. I believe they are called earrings.” Aela said with a nod.

“Can I take them out?” Sivanna asked, thumbing the claws in her palm.

“If and when you wish for pups, of course.” Aela was looking at her fingernails absently.

“How is it done?” Sivanna asked, pushing the earrings back toward Aela eagerly.

“First,” Aela started, “You bathe. Then I will insert them for you.”

Sivanna followed Aela to the bathing area. Tendrils of steam wafted throughout the stone room. Green moss littered the walls, making Sivanna nostalgic for the forest. Beautiful candelabras hung on each wall, their tiny flames dancing softly. She undressed quickly and looped the pouch of herbs around her neck and stepped into the heated water. She settling on the stone bench within, letting the heat seep into her bones. The steaming, fragrant waters surrounded Sivanna, enveloping her in a sweet and warm embrace. She couldn't help but sigh, her body finally melting after being so rigid for so long. Anticipation and excitement filled her to the brim, she was going to accept Vilkas's offer! All she had to do was have those earrings put in, then she could be his... and finally ease the pressure that had been building between them.

At first, Aela gently cleaned Sivanna's burns and washed away the blood that covered her arms. Truly, there wasn't as much a mess as Sivanna had thought. In the process though, the huntress soaked through, so she stripped and entered the bath without a complaint. Sivanna did not mind having Aela with her, rather she felt more at ease than anything.

“A nice hot soak is like nothing else, wouldn't you say?” Aela sighed from beside her. 

“Indeed.” Sivanna smiled, eyes closed. 

The two of them stayed like that for a while, enjoying their silent companionship before finally tearing themselves from the warmth. There were other things to attend to, and if they dwelled in the water much longer, Sivanna was likely to prune.

Aela threw a fluffy cotton towel at Sivanna, catching her face. “Make haste and dry yourself, I wish to see Hircine's magic on you.”

Sivanna snorted softly, running the cloth down her body to rid herself of the now cooling droplets of water. When she was sufficiently dry, she sat at the small table in the corner of the bathing room where the huntress waited. Aela held the metal hooks from one of the earrings in the flame of a candle. One of the cotton towels was folded and placed at the edge of the table, the huntress gestured to it. “Lay your head there.” Sivanna obeyed, letting out a nervous breath.

“Are you ready?” Aela asked. She could see the huntress's hands coming closer to Sivanna's face, and she nodded slightly. The huntress held the cotton towel firmly against the back of Sivanna's ear and said. “Turn slightly, that's it. Here we go.” There was a hot sting in her earlobe, followed by a strange tugging. She opened her eyes, not exactly sure when she had closed them. Aela was holding another earring over the candle now.

“Did it work?” Sivanna asked, reaching for her ear.

Aela clicked her tongue. “Do not touch. Of course it worked. I'm not yet done, lie still.”

Without warning this time, there was another hot sting and tugging sensation just a bit higher on the same ear. Sivanna decided she disliked the feeling. The fiery sting from the first piercing had waned to a dull ache, which she supposed was a bit better. Aela moved Sivanna's face to get to her other ear and repeated the process. When all was said and done, the she-wolf's ears felt hot and heavy.

“Perfect.” Aela said nodding her approval. “Here, would you like to see?”

“Oh yes, I would!” Sivanna said excitedly. The huntress led her to a wash basin beside the bathing area and pointed into the water.

“Very wild, suitable for a wolf such as you.” Aela declared with a knowing look.

Sivanna peered into the basin, on the still water her face reflected. Tendrils of still damp, dark chestnut hair framed her heart shaped face, reached into the water. Her golden eyes and pink lips were smiling. Small, faint freckles dotted her nose and the beneath of her eyes. The earrings dangled, swaying softly from her reddened ears. The two fangs were centered in the center of the lobes, while the claws perched slightly higher. Sivanna thought proudly, I am wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was getting very long, I decided to split it up. Exciting things coming up!! Also, I hope the little tidbit about Hircine and the werebear didn't bother you. I figured with Aela being a very ritualistic character in game, she might have something like that stored away. Not canon, I know, but I thought it fit pretty well. Let me know how you feel about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Hope the first chapter hooked you! This is an old work of mine, well work in progress anyway. If at all it sounds familiar, you might have seen it posted on a much older site. Ten points if you can find it and tell me my old username for that site! ;p Happy reading!
> 
>  


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